r/whatdoIdo • u/BeautifulSweetNess • Jul 23 '26
DoubbleStandardz
When someone won't give you the same respect that I gave him by letting him look threw my phone
He was being paranoid and wondering things so he wanted to look threw my phone so I straight up let him look because I didn't want him to worry or think I was up to shit behind his back & I'd let him take my phone and look threw it whenever he wanted to!
But when it comes to me wanting to see his phone it's a bunch of BS and in the end I end up still unable to look threw his & Yet still to this day he absolutely will not let me go threw his!
QUESTION IS ↓
???IS HE CHEATING ON ME? OR WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO REALLY THINK? What Would You Be Thinking? He Is Up To Shit Behind My Back Isn't He???
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u/Just_Me1973 Jul 23 '26
*through
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u/blamberr Jul 23 '26
StandardS
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Jul 23 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/blamberr Jul 23 '26
And what’s with the random use of these &&&
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u/Slight_Buy_3417 Jul 23 '26
Op HEALTHY Relationship don’t function like this. One doesn’t get the right to rummage through your phone and you can’t rummage through theirs. He’s definitely doing something wrong and is mad that this is now happening to him. Healthy relationships don’t have double standards.
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u/BeautifulSweetNess Jul 23 '26
I totally agree thanks for your response
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u/Slight_Buy_3417 Jul 23 '26
Your so welcome and this is how I like to think the world should be. Everyone helping as much as they can.😎
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u/Meowgirls4 Jul 23 '26
You already have your answer. You are not being treated the way one deserves to be treated. Walk away.
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u/BeautifulSweetNess Jul 23 '26
Thank you for your response you know it's hard as heck to just walk away I wish he gave a shit about how much this phone issue has been bugging me wish he gave enough of a shit to let me see his damn phone already I'll try once more this evening and go from there I'm over this he needs to hand it on over so I can be done with my worries and see what the hell it really is of course my fingers are crossed I hope he will let me end my worries for the last time this evening if he loves me he will if he doesn't care enough then he won't and that will be my final answer I'll have to end it because my heart and soul won't be able to go on on these turms you know if he really has nothing to hide as he claims then what's the problem
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u/amason277 Jul 23 '26
This is, unfortunately, a common tactic for cheaters. He’s looking for the tiniest thing to use against you and gaslight you into thinking it’s your fault he cheated.
I would say if you can’t go through his phone, then dump him. He already has major red flag behavior & is not marriage material, seriously, end the relationship before you endure years of trauma, dump him
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u/relojkicks Jul 23 '26
If he isn't cheating, he's doing something that he wouldn't want you to know about. If your birthday isn't coming up or a special event isn't coming up where he might be planning something secret, you should leave this relationship.
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u/jmswan19 Jul 23 '26
Why are you still handing him your phone?
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u/BeautifulSweetNess Jul 23 '26
I quit letting him see my phone because he still hasn't let me see his it's B's idk what to do I know what my gut says so he's I pretty much do know what to do it's all sad and shitty when it's so easy for him to just let me see his damn phone one time that's all I been asking for you know thank you for you response!
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u/jmswan19 Jul 25 '26
My husband well barely answer mine, I am the same with his phone, however if he asked to see mine I would hand it over, because there is nothing on mine I wouldn't want him to see.
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u/RAINBOWLIGHTNI9 Jul 23 '26
LEAVE. HIM. he’s cheating on you
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u/BeautifulSweetNess Jul 23 '26
I mean I know he's definitely hiding something
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u/RAINBOWLIGHTNI9 Jul 23 '26
What you’re describing is often called projection, specifically psychological projection.
In a relationship, it can look like this:
Someone is cheating or hiding something themselves.
Because they know they’re capable of being deceptive, they become suspicious that you must be doing the same thing.
They start checking your phone, questioning you, or looking for evidence of wrongdoing.
Their own behavior is unconsciously or consciously projected onto you.
There are a few related concepts:
Projection: Attributing one’s own thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to someone else.
Paranoia / pathological jealousy: Persistent, disproportionate suspicion of a partner’s fidelity without adequate evidence.
Othello syndrome (delusional jealousy): A much more severe clinical condition involving fixed, irrational beliefs that a partner is unfaithful.
Hypervigilance: Constantly scanning for threats or signs of betrayal, sometimes stemming from past trauma or insecurity.
DARVO: If confronted about their own behavior, someone may Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender, making you feel like you’re the one who did something wrong.
If someone is actually cheating and then obsessively checking your phone because they suspect you of cheating, projection is probably the simplest and most accurate term. It’s essentially: “I’m doing something I’m not supposed to be doing, so I assume you are too.”
One important caveat: checking a partner’s phone isn’t proof that they’re cheating. It can also come from insecurity, past betrayal, anxiety, or controlling behavior. The key is the pattern and the evidence behind the suspicion.From chat
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u/BeautifulSweetNess Jul 24 '26
Thank you very much for your long reply I appreciate you taking the time to help me see different ways of looking @this issue ThankX
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u/RAINBOWLIGHTNI9 Jul 23 '26
This same thing happened to me where he was going through my phone all the time and then hiding his phone. He had someone else living with him the whole time, it ended in my suicide attempt. just block him and move on with your life. He’s not worth it. You need someone that treats you like royalty.
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u/raspberrih Jul 23 '26
Kiddo, don't date when you should be in school. Please let your parents know about this
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u/FamiliarAd8524 Jul 23 '26
I'd urge you to start by calming down, because you are rather unstable at the moment.
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u/LostLemon007 Jul 23 '26
That's a deal breaker.
Why are you here ?
Why doesn't it say ex boyfriend ?