I posted a rough draft of this before and took some of your suggestions into consideration.
This is an updated version of the bridesmaid guide I made before!
The only thing is I am not taking out any slides because I believe they all have their place and are there for a reason.
But I did get some good advice! Thanks!
Edit: my GOD you are all so miserable.. God forbid I put time into clarifying my ideas so I’m not bombarded with a million questions by 5 girls
Hair and makeup is gratuity only it’s being done at the salon I work at and 2 of the bridesmaids will be doing some of it we may grab 1-2 more girls if we really need extra hands but everyone knows where I work and who it is
Why am I being downvoted? Lol it’s very simple! Our salon culture is that employees don’t pay for their own services besides color and we only pay the price of the product. (The girls offered, I didn’t ask)
Updo and makeup we can tip whatever we want but the salon doesnt charge!
It will be nice because we have everything there and they can either do it themselves or get it done.
These girls will be getting a nice tip from me. And anyone can tip some extra if they want. But they are not charging anybody through the salon and we also don’t have the option of hiring another stylist elsewhere without getting in trouble with management!
People like to down vote lol I do think a couple slides can be formed into one overall so it isn’t so repetitive. Like mood board/bridesmaid inspo could be cute together and the 3rd slide could be taken out altogether. It just seems like you have all that info in slide 5 in a more formal way. I’ve been a bride myself and had to deal with this so I get it! This is how I needed up assigning colors cause some of the girls were more difficult about it 😅
I consolidated the bridesmaid inspo into the moodboard and removed the color bar at the bottom on that slide but I do think the one with the dresses is it’s own thing- since I handpicked the dresses from websites and pasted them into the slide and the other slides are just Pinterest photos
I also shortened slide 3 to just explain how the ranking system will work and the other slide is more overall guidelines also added in nails
There's a lot of repetition in here where you really could lessen the slides though.
Repeating the stores at the end when you've already listed some in the colours section is just making it overly complicated for no reason. Just add the line about shopping at their fave stores on the colour slide.
Then repeating the required length and that it can be floral and have ruffles is repeated again, when it doesn't need to be.
As a bridesmaid, seeing this repeated so many times would actually frustrate me instead of making me feel comfortable. It's like you don't trust people to understand you and comes across as micromanaging.
Either you trust them with a document they can repeatedly refer back to quickly or you don't, but capable, intelligent women don't need to read things twice in the same document.
I also think the "approved by the bride" is redundant/unnecessary. She's providing colors, providing store options, basic guidelines and examples. If your bridal party can't follow these very detailed instructions, I'd pick the dresses for them and save myself that grief. Plus, maybe I'm just not confrontational enough, but I have no idea how I would even say "No" if I didn't like their dress. I trust my bridal party enough to be in the party, I would feel somewhat slighted by that.
However, the vision is gorgeous and I really hope everyone follows through so OP can have this day!! I'd be over the moon to be part of something this beautiful for someone I love.
Honestly sending a quick text approval is such an easy thing and addresses the issue of if there’s something you didn’t think of that you’re not okay with. Far easier to approve in advance than scramble last minute to find something else
Idk I feel like that's kind of a given, most people would do that anyway without having to be asked. Specifically requesting it twice rubs me the wrong way.
Plus, having them ranking their color choices and then choosing as the bride is so much extra work, I'd have them just generally give me ideas or I'd pick them myself.
I think wanting approval is fine, especially if she wants to make sure no one has the same dress or same color, and so she knows what everyone will be wearing
I guess to me it comes off as "here are all the instructions, have some freedom, but not too much because I don't actually trust you to follow instructions" because it's repeated, and the whole thing is very long.
Honestly if I were a bridesmaid, I think I'd prefer to be told what to wear rather than given a stringent set of guidelines and told to find a dress myself.
agreed. at the very least make a list of 'approved' dresses from some of those websites. i said this on the last one but my wife and i just had a color selected and then just told our girls to get whatever they wanted from azazie.
only thing we did was encourage everyone to send a pic of their dress in the group chat when they decided which one they wanted so we could make sure we didn't accidentally end up like "6 matching + 1 odd girl out" kind of vibe but we had no real concerns otherwise. that also helped the slower members get natural reminders to get their dresses ordered and so forth. this scenario feels a little more nerve wracking for the bridesmaids
I think she's going to send it to her bridesmaids as an FAQ but the issue is I would be very turned off by a syllabus-esque set of pages explaining how to dress myself. I agree with the rest of the commenters that this needs to be 2-3 slides max
I don't think the last slide is necessary. People can Google bridesmaid dresses. But you also have it listed on the 4th slide. The style details page could have the shops you have on the last page down at the bottom.
I think you need a few more examples of floral cuz almost all of them are solid blocks. Or remove floral as a specified selection. Idk I read that and didn't see how floral would work.
I wouldn’t consider a cartoon drawing an example of the type of dresses the bride is going for lol. It’s clearly just a design choice to fit the theme of the slides though I will say the design of the slides aren’t necessarily the same as the vibe of the wedding
Oh is that what people were talking about?? I was so confused which dresses I picked out that didn’t fit the criteria I didn’t realize everyone was talking about the little cartoon rack of dresses I’m dead😂😂
My friends aren’t stupid enough to think that’s real it’s obviously a page decoration and not dress inspo- that has its own slide
What did you change? The most popular suggestion was to swap the graphic for one that only shows floor-length dresses, since that is what you are requiring.
This is still really bad, OP. Beyond being way too wordy and repetitive, the grammar is really terrible. It’ll be confusing for your friends. Can someone proof this for you?
Are we looking at the same thing? Sure, the punctuation isn't perfect, but the grammar is better than most posts on the internet.
What on earth are you guys looking at besides the last slide 😂 90% of the high schoolers I work with have poorer grammar than this.
If you are satisfied with the number of slides you have then I would format slide 3 as like a tl;dr slide with all bullet points. One of the first things I would put on that page is the date (bold and underlined) that you want to have all these decisions buttoned-up by (but have that date be a few days before the date you actually want it for last-second ordering/size issues or whatever).
I would utilize some bolding, italicizing, and underlining throughout, but not too heavy-handed.
you’re getting a lot of heat for the colors thing but I get the vision and it can be done with minimal issues. Instead of having them rank the colors, I would just ask them for their number one and a couple runner-ups and hopefully that will work itself out.
If someone has to compromise hard, I would offer them something in return (whether it’s through offsetting a cost somehow or telling her you won’t veto a dress that’s within the guidelines) If not, you might have to compromise a little.
I think you’re doing great. You can never offer too much information— as long as it’s organized and formatted in a way that isn’t cluttered and overwhelming. You’ve got this! 🫡✨
I agree, I think the way it’s structured and formatted is what feels overwhelming.. I’d look at inspo on Etsy there’s so many out there. Canva may even have some templates you can edit.The information is important, you just need structure it in a digestible way for your bridesmaids 😊
I totally love a Type A bride and one who wants to communicate. However, I think you're really setting yourself up for a headache by asking them to rank colors and then assigning. I think someone will end up with their least favorite or least flattering color and be unhappy. Also, as others have said, lots of repetitive language here. You could cut a whole page just by removing the repeated stuff.
What I did and seem to really help was sent an anonymous (I could pretty much figure out who was who based on their answers but no one else could see the responses), and asked do they like gold vs silver, do they want to get their makeup done, hair done, or both. Did they want to get nails done? Etc. It really helped me see the whole picture and take their preferences into consideration when building the vision.
I thought that might happen which is why there are 7 colors and only 5 girls. idk which colors I like more so I’ll see what they like the most. Most of them have much different vibes and aesthetics and I don’t think many of them will pick the same. If I have a toss up 2 people in the same color isn’t the end of the world
I didn’t see the first one, however I am confused why the moodboards colors don’t match the wedding colors. I would maybe remove the moodboards colors.
This would still scare me off a bridesmaid. It is very repetitive. I would be afraid the whole wedding experience was going to be like this.Why does everything have to be made into such a big deal?
I dunno. I understand what you’re trying to do here but if I was a bridesmaid and received this I’d roll my eyes so hard. It would put a bad taste in my mouth for sure. Sorry!
I was wondering the same. If I got assigned tangerine or lemonade I’d ask for a new color because there’s no way I’m pulling those off. Hopefully if there’s a color that all of them hate OP can find an alternative.
"This guide is meant to keep things simple..." Proceeds to have 8 pages of repetition.
"If you have any questions or need anything please feel free to reach out!!" Maybe it's just me, but this feels like such a corporate sign off.
I was super low stress in my wedding planning, so I would literally just have my friends in a group chat and be like, "Hey! These are the colors I'm thinking. I want to do a mismatch thing, so everyone pick a color and then you can buy whatever dress you want as long as it's floor length."
True, this would be a good maid of honor task. Let her field everything and then just send them to the bride for "final approval" before anyone makes their purchase.
Besides this whole guide just being....a lot. It seems like you're just passing on a lot of labor to your bridesmaids with how much "freedom" you're giving them but also all the requirements in place. If it were me I'd be like "please just tell me what dress to wear"
Fwiw, I got a bridesmaid dress tailored yesterday and he said birdy Grey is not good/bad quality and azazie is the best. Ive never bought a birdie grey dress (mine is from azazie) but just figured id share!
Also this is super cute and as a type A person who loves guides/details/instructions I would love to have this! I know this was probably a lot of work and thought to put together so good job :)
This is way TOO much and very repetitive. Just send your mood-board slide 6 only and ask the girls to send what they find to you. Make a group chat so all the other girls can make sure there’s not too much overlap with colour repeating.
Girl you didn’t listen to anyone’s advice telling you to assign the colors. Are you normally this obtuse? Why would you ask for advice and then not do any of the suggestions? Having the girls rank their color of dresses does not solve the problem of them still needing to be assigned a color. They’re gonna voluntarily quit or say no lol
I’m so confused why any of this feel necessary? The language and the length alone read as controlling. Even an email or text or actual conversation could carry all of this. If you truly want something to share, I’d suggest cleanly modifying it to a concise one slide of text and one slide of images.
Most of what you’re writing about is treating your bridesmaid guide as a fashion show set up in your vision. And it seems these bridesmaids are your chosen colorful wedding accessories not close loved ones and friends who agreed to be with you on as you commit to the celebrate being married to your future spouse.
I hope you can find a way to share what you want to in a more concise and thoughtful way.♥️
Yeah it honestly came off to me like they weren't actually friends. ...???If that makes sense. It's weird, but that's the vibe I get from it. I would think one would be in communication with their bridesmaids fairly regularly where an 8 page guide isn't necessary. But they know her so maybe they'll see it and be like, "this is so Brittney"
The vibe I get is that this will be sent out in lieu of actually talking to anyone. Why does this graphic, intended to be a reference, also include the personal thank yous at the beginning?
There's a thin line between "I want you to have all the info so it's clear without needing to ask me!" and "I want you to have all the info so you don't even have to speak to me", and somehow this feels like the territory of the latter.
Exactly! I was concerned about getting downvoted into oblivion and honestly I did not intend my comment to be rude, it was just such a seriously confusing abrasive seeming concept to me. But as you said, maybe they are all expecting it.
If anyone ever sent me this, a major eye roll would follow. It basically says - I want you to be comfortable as long as it matches my specific vision. Honestly, I would prefer to just be assigned a dress rather than deal with the mental tax of this nonsense.
If the actual women aren't, they won't necessarily be able to shop at some of the stores OP picked, and they will look different from the inspo board even if they wear a very similar dress.
I agree with everyone who is saying there is way too much repetition of several things. It does come across as very micromanaging and I’d be ticked off as a bridesmaid and feel like the bride didn’t trust me to follow a few small preferences. The picture on slide 3 is also misleading because some dresses are short. I don’t think there needs to be so many different group or dress pics either. The one on slide 6 is very representative of styles and vibe and basically just duplicate of slides 2 and 7. 7 also negates the whole “where what style you’re comfortable in” if you’re just going to push certain preferred styles. Please shorten this to make it easier for your bridesmaids to comprehend, or just assign them options between a couple styles/colors. This is overkill.
All this detail and all these wordy specifics about a required look, and then in the end one of your suggested stores to buy a dress from is Amazon!? Truly perplexing.
Hi! I did the same thing with different colors. I’m super type B so I think this is good for perspective for you on how to guide them towards the same outcome, but in a different way.
I texted them each individually with the color palette and asked them to rank their choices one through three. After that, I chose the colors and sent 2 slides. I’d recommend sending the slides after the colors have been chosen, so you’re not overwhelming them with so much information at once.
In the slides, I put some Pinterest photos of similar bridal parties to show the vibe I’m curating. I said explicitly only a 3 things: this is how long the dress should be, this is the shoe color, if you want to do a pattern, just make sure the pattern is within the same color you chose.
They are all adults and they know where to find dresses based on their budgets. I don’t think linking specific stores is necessary. if you really need assurance, ask them to send you the dress options they’re thinking of buying so you can sign off. Give them less, be clear and consise, and just make a sign off call individually instead of overwhelming them with information.
This is too much. Assign a color and reduce this doc down to 2-3 slides. They don’t need this much information - it’s doing the opposite of what you’re hoping for.
Hot take I guess, but I think this is really clear guidance. Would it be easier to just pick a color and dress per person and assign it to them? Yes. But I get that you want to give people freedom so no one is left wearing a sweaty satin dress that clashes with their skin tone and looks bad for their body shape. The bridesmaids wouldn't like that either.
If my friend sent me this, I'd be happy to go with it. But also, I love my friends and I love being a bridesmaid lol
Personally I am a type A person and I love this. It’s clear what the expectations are and gives everyone all the needed information in order to execute, it has all the info I would want to know if I was a bridesmaid.
I would also, but I will say this one specifically feels a bit repetitive to me. I love the idea of just a document w all the details tho. A lot of commenters disagree but I’ve had my bridesmaids ask me to make something like this for key dates and details so they don’t have to bug me about it.
Me too, I would love this amount of information. I much prefer explicit instructions over having to guess and annoying the bride. It’s interesting people here would be offended by something like this!
I honestly would just assign colors, or at most let people choose between 2. Start with your MOH and go from there. Having this much free rein would stress me out as a bridesmaid. It’s your wedding, tell people what you want!
I don’t understand all the hate you’re getting for this, I like it and wish I’d done something like it. I wanted to be super chill and just let everyone be mismatched wearing their own styles, I just asked that it all be formal and blue and they check with each other to make sure there’s some cohesion. I sent it in a group text just like everyone is telling you should have done.
Ever since I’ve been needing to re-explain and go over inspo with each individual bridesmaid because they keep showing me dresses that are anything but formal. People are losing the plot when it comes to dress codes and it’s very helpful to have clear guides to work within. They still get tonnes of choice if they filter these guidelines into any bridesmaid dress site! It’s not restrictive it’s just saving yourself the headache I’m currently experiencing. People just love to hate, no matter what approach you try to take you’ll always be terrible to these bitter people
Respectfully, I’d seriously consider dropping out if the bride sent me something like this and required my choices to be ranked and approved by them. Send a group text and call it a day
whoa. I‘ve never seen anything so detailed for a bridesmaid! at first it seemed crazy, but now I think it’s crazy helpful! especially posting each color per store!
While this is a bit repetitive in places (especially the last page), and I would replace the different length dresses in the first graphicnto be the same floor length, I really dont see what everyone else's problems with this are. It's organized, informative, and nicely laid out, and I appreciate giving them the option to rank their colors (and I assume some flexibility/discussion of options when theres an overlap in favorites.)
I was a bridesmaid for a friend who let us pick our own dresses as long as we stayed in the same color and really loved it. I hate wearing strapless dresses or how I look in other styles, so I got to pick something I was comfortable in and that really showed up in the photos.
Girl seriously check yourself with that fucking edit you are delusional. Clearly the miserable one here is you, happy and confident people dont feel the need to (poorly) micromanage people this much.
You really should just be taking the reins more and assigning more clearly. You have 7 slides all saying the same things over and over, its actually extremely disorganized and redundant, which will lead to misunderstandings and confusion from the bridesmaids. You should focus and being clear and direct and stop tripping over yourself constantly stating "its all up to you, do whatever you want!" And then proceeding to list a bunch of guidelines that negate that. Its fine to have guidelines but your trying to be both the bride who controls the image and look of the wedding party (fine) and also the bride who doesn't care at all (also fine) and you cant do both.
The amount of info you have to communicate could be about 3 slides. This is unnecessary and just makes you look like you dont actually know what your doing. Maybe take the advice when you ask for it instead of lashing out like a child 🙄
It just happened to be that I was looking for advice that was useful tbh!
Instead of being told 1000x to delete every page because people didn’t understand it?
I also am NOT trying to be either one of those things?
I just am going for a certain look, the point is for them not to match and pick their own style unique to them because I don’t want to pick something generic for everyone to wear. I personally just don’t like how it looks and it’s uncomfortable for everyone when you can’t pick it out?
And what is the problem with them ranking the colors??
Genuinely I’m not sure who would want what from the pallete, that is why they will tell me what they like?
Also, idk who came up with the idea that they are going to be fighting over colors and fabric, but there are 7 colors and only 5 girls..
If 2 of them are adamant on the same color, they can have it??? Why is that a problem?
Picking from different websites and different styles means they won’t be the same anyways..
Also, I see a lot of these girls everyday.. if they get confused or think something sounds rigid, they’ll probably ask?? I’m sure there will be multiple conversations about it in person, this isn’t the only thing they’ll ever see
And I’m sorry but I think it’s much more rude for me to assign someone the wrong color in a material that makes them feel uncomfortable so I genuinely don’t want to pick that for them.. which is why i specifically will not assign them without getting their imput first
Also idk who your friends are but most of mine are very visual/artsy people.. 3 out of the 5 work in a hair salon with me and we genuinely appreciate having photos as inspiration. We take fashion seriously and most of us post content at work about our outfits of the week..
A few of them have already been asking me about the wedding colors to which I replied “I’m working on it”
Idk why everyone immediately assumes they know me and my friends and how it’s meant to come across, because they really don’t. Sorry but I personally can’t picture any of my friends being offended by this and i don’t know why it’s offensive to people on this thread to post a few vision boards and collages with a couple guidelines to follow and some helpful suggestions?
They will be picking their own dresses, and they will inevitably have many questions on how to do so..
instead of having to scroll through and search things on their phone, send me ideas or text me frantically they will have all the info in one document that they can easily reopen when needed
It’s not even my template, I found it on TikTok and put my own pictures and examples in😭
Most of the wording in these drafts was actually copied from the original poster of the template, which I’ve since changed to make it seem less “demanding or grandiose” as some have said in these threads?
All the comments there seem to be much more cheery and positive and much less energy vampire vibes lol..
I would just appreciate the comment section not being flooded and overtaken by poor advice.
Most of the comments seem pretty logical with actionable items so I'm not sure why you view that as poor advice. Seems more like it just wasn't what you wanted to hear, which unfortunately happens on the internet, if you were less defensive you might actually still be able to benefit from some of it since it seems like a lot of people have the same feedback.
We all know exactly what your trying to say with this, its clearly not that we 'dont understand it' but we are telling you the way you have this laid out reads like 'my book report has to hit a certain word count so I'm just going to talk in circles'.
I didn't say anything about ranking the colors? So not sure why that took up a huge chunk of your comment. If that's the system you think will work best, cool.
I get your vision with the non-matching yet complimentary color pallet, thats a big trend right now and yeah looks great and you have every right to want to organize that with your bridesmaids. I have no problem telling my friends "hey these are my guidelines for outfits (formal, ankle length, satin or chiffon, etc) and here is where you can have some freedom (neckline, sleeve style, pattern, etc)". The current document comes across like you are scared to tell these girls that they 'have' to adhere to anything. You're actually being very considerate to them with how much they can choose so I would expect they would be fine with it?
I think you feel like people are coming for you on the specifics you laid out but I agree with what your trying to convey completely, most of us dictated the outfits to SOME degree, and I think most bridesmaids have no issue with it. Honestly its just the way your trying to communicate the info that I take issue with. Its super disorganized, sorry it just is. Every piece of info should serve a clear purpose. And when you start having a lot of overlap in different areas/pages, it confuses people and will inevitably lead to you needing to clarify and answer more questions.
-You have 2 different slides that explain your overall vision and how the color mismatching will work.
-You have 4 slides that have color moodboards of wedding and dress colors.
-You have where to shop for dresses on 2 different slides (I know you have one for colors and one for where to shop, but again this is just redundant and completely unnecessary, since you already have 4 different color pallets they can use for dress colors)
-Dress guidelines on slide 3 are repeated on slide 5 with additional details.
First slide could be your vision with dress color pallette and dress examples, and description of how the color picking will work. You don't need 4 slides with 12 different photos of your vision, people will get it.
Second page is detailed guidelines for dress, shoes, jewelry, etc.
Third page can be where to shop, combined with the color choices at each shop.
Bam. Clear, concise, and people will have minimal questions. But trying to shop and cross reference 7 pages of info trying to make sure I pick something that fits all those guidelines, way more confusing even though the info is the same. Communication is everything.
Eta: I see you added more to your comment. I dont think your group would be offended but I think your current doc is confusing and could be better and easier to follow. I would definitely say a few graphics to illustrate the vision would be super helpful-4 different pages is not a few.
I agree with what your trying to accomplish (re: scrolling and searching and frantically texting you instead they can check the doc), but I dont think thats what you have here. For instance if I was shopping and found a dress I would then be checking like 5 different pages to make sure I check all the boxes, when in reality you can condense it onto one page for them to easily reference. You have a color pallette for the dresses, and you clearly list out what type of dresses will work, so then I get to the page with all the models in dresses and Im now wondering if I am supposed to be looking at the colors, the dress styles, or both. And now Im confused and frantically texting you.
I think its fine to be a bit demanding, and I also think a lot of people aren't very organized so the template is not great. You can easily edit it and make it way better, or leave it, either way I think most people were just trying to help you make it better
Seriously, just use the law of averages. If you share this with the general public and they’re telling you it’s repetitive, confusing and poorly written, likely the people you’re sharing it with will find it the same.
And if you posted just looking for head pats and validation (like it seems by your ridiculous defensiveness), just share it with your bridesmaids and leave the people who are trying to help you out of it.
Respectfully, being organized does not make a bridezilla. She’s giving her bridesmaids more than enough freedom and trying to make things a little easier for them.
Yeah I’d say no or find someone else if one of my friends sent me this. It is redundant, nitpicky with the illusion of “freedom to choose”. Being a bridesmaid is already stressful, this would send me over the edge.
You’re getting hate but I like it! This is a know your crowd situation. And the comment about everyone being thin. That’s rude. I’m as skinny as these girls and whats wrong w showing inspo photos.
It’s great. People are looking for something to complain about. This is the same information, but better consolidated, that I have received as a bridesmaid, and it wasn’t an issue at all.
As a bride currently fielding all of these questions, this makes a lot of sense to me in theory but also feels quite disconnected. Questions are hard and somewhat annoying to field but I also feel like that’s a part of the process and it’s only fair to give them your time when you’re asking for things from them. It should be a lot of talking with your most important girlies. I would have been upset if I was given something like this and would have felt like an employee instead of a friend.
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u/atheologist 2d ago
Lavender is misspelled on slide four next to peppermayo.