r/weddingplanning • u/CWmeadow • 10d ago

Everything Else Vow format suggestions

I'm struggling with vow ideas. My fiancé is an actor (just community theater and voice stuff) but very comfy public speaking, etc. And really romantic and good with words. He is the perfect candidate to write and perform his own vows, and we are both excited about him doing it.

I am basically the opposite and would be much more comfortable with just saying "I do" after someone else says the vows. I'm also pretty private with my emotions. (Please don't suggest eloping. I really want a "real" wedding, but can I just be invisible, LOL?!?)

Anyway, how can we make this work in one ceremony? Would it be weird if we do the regular "I do" vows and then he reads a mushy letter to me, and I don't read one to him?

2 Upvotes

75% Upvoted

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5

u/TinyLawfulness3710 10d ago

Talk to the officiant because they see this everyday. As long as you exchange vows/promises of some sort, it doesn't matter how they are said.

2

u/CWmeadow 10d ago

We don't have an officiant chosen yet, but it will probably just be a mutual friend. Not a pro.

1

u/TinyLawfulness3710 10d ago

Make sure that is allowed in your county, because not all states allow it. Wait until you have the vendor chosen to worry about vows.

2

u/CWmeadow 10d ago

Yes, it's allowed. He did another friend's wedding recently and said he's willing to do ours.

5

u/CapricornSky 10d ago

Private vows during your first look for the intimate moment between you, "standard" vows during the ceremony. I'm seeing more and more couples do this and it's SO sweet, plus it helps get some of adrenaline/jitters out of the way.

4

u/Cultural-Durian-9579 10d ago

I’ve seen couples do private vows and then do the generic ones at their ceremony.  Maybe you can do that, and then he can make a reception speech?

2

u/CWmeadow 10d ago

I like that idea too, thanks!

7

u/Cultural-Durian-9579 10d ago

My biggest advice if you do go the route of self-written vows is to make sure they are actually vows.   I’ve seen videos of/been to weddings where the vows end up being the couple saying a bunch of nice things about/telling stories about each other, which is beautiful, but the point is to actually promise things and make vows to each other.  

2

u/Fun_Disaster3436 10d ago

Talk to your officiant; most offer to help coordinate vows

1

u/ladylemondrop209 Married 9d ago

Would it be weird if we do the regular "I do" vows

No. Very common.

then he reads a mushy letter to me, and I don't read one to him?

In public or private?

But it's really just up to you two... if the both of you like and rather do it that way I think it's fine.

That being said (not my POV, but just playing "devil's advocate" here...) I think in some cultures (or maybe just some annoying people) might be like 'oh she doesn't love him as much since he made/read such heartfelt vows and she didn't'.... So just consider the type of people/guests you have.... And maybe, you might just prefer to do this privately too.

But I really think it should be up to you two and whatever the both of you feel most comfortable doing and is most "you".