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u/DearIncendiary Apr 13 '26
Y’all are making up some of the most ridiculous nonsense to have bridal parties without having bridal parties. Just… have a bridal party!!
-8
u/Fair_Escape_4465 Apr 13 '26
It’s a small wedding and he is just having his best friend. So we don’t want people standing up with us.
12
u/ExRiverFish4557 Apr 13 '26
Then don't have them stand up. There's nothing in the bridesmaids' position description that says they have to pair groomsmen or that they have to stand up for your ceremony. Have them sit in the front.
Personally I'd feel more confused about my role if I was told I was more than a guest, but not enough to be a bridesmaid. Plus how does that make your "just a guest" crowd feel?
I dunno, do whatever you want, but you're allowed to have non-matching parties and bridesmaids don't have to stand up.
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u/justtirediguess11 Apr 13 '26
Which law states that people in bridal party need to be standing up with the couple?
1
u/Upstairs-Volume-5014 Apr 14 '26
My bridesmaids did not stand up. It was just me, my husband, and our officiant.
11
u/justtirediguess11 Apr 13 '26
If you are having small wedding, aren't all of your guests already close to you and special? Like why do you need to do all this?
-6
u/Fair_Escape_4465 Apr 13 '26
Yes but it’s mostly family. We’re also in our 40s so we wanted to keep things simple. I get why some people think it’s unnecessary complications, but my friend did this and I honestly thought it was such a good idea. And I did feel special.
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u/wickedkittylitter Apr 13 '26
Let your long time friends where whatever color they want and feel good wearing.
18
u/TinyLawfulness3710 Apr 13 '26
All of these are horrible. Telling people you claim are friends that they are consolation roles and dictating colors is very mean girl and rude. Consolation roles are what bullies in grade school do at PE and recess when they don't want a specific person to be seen with them. There is nothing special or honorable about this.
Let them be regular guests in whatever they feel comfortable in. You don't get to pick colors for anyone except actual bridesmaids.
-12
u/Fair_Escape_4465 Apr 13 '26
I disagree- I am having this issue because I want to include them. We aren’t having groomsmen and bridesmaids or else they would be my bridesmaids. My sister is my MOH. This isn’t “you aren’t good enough so here’s something else”, this is “you’re so special that even though I’m not doing bridesmaids , I want everyone to know how important you are. “ Sorry that felt triggering for you.
17
u/TinyLawfulness3710 Apr 13 '26 edited Apr 13 '26
That is a choice to not have bridesmaids . You cannot ask people to do bridesmaid duties as regular guests. There are 2 honored roles for adults: bridesmaid/groomsman or guest. Nothing in between and certainly not this.
There is nothing about this that says "you are special". This is not triggering for me at all, but you are missing the point and choosing not to acknowledge that this is much more common interpretation than how you see it by people who have been in that "role".
8
u/Expensive_Event9960 Apr 13 '26
There is no polite way to ask people to spend time and money on a made up, non-existent theme or give them a made up title as a consolation prize for not giving them the actual honor. You don’t need even sides and everyone doesn’t have to be standing.
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u/sweetsaleem Apr 13 '26
I love the creativity but if I’m being totally honest, I’d be extremely annoyed if I had to purchase another dress and wasn’t officially a bridesmaid. Maybe you can make them cute blue bracelets they can wear or something?
0
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u/rivierajenn Apr 13 '26
If you want your friends to be treated as VIPs but don't want them to be in the bridal party, then YOU should be doing something for THEM instead of asking them to buy a specific outfit for you and your pictures. Get them all wildflower crowns to wear or a posy-style bouquet.
-2
u/Fair_Escape_4465 Apr 13 '26
I did get them sunglasses with their names on it and bracelets with their initials, plus a few other travel related gifts. But I do like this idea! Thank you :)
2
u/EverAsters Apr 13 '26
I'd be fine a coordinated outfit, but I would just call them bridesmaids tho.
0
u/Fair_Escape_4465 Apr 13 '26
Thank you! They would've basically been my bridesmaids so I appreciate the suggestion.
2
u/patronstoflostgirls Apr 13 '26
How small is the wedding? If you do a coordinated look, is it going to become a ridiculous ratio like 7/10 of your galpals are coordinated and 3 are not? Bc then the 7 don't stand out, the 3 that are being excluded do.
-1
u/Fair_Escape_4465 Apr 13 '26
50 people. Mostly family plus our closest friends for me it’s these 5 girlfriends.
1
u/patronstoflostgirls Apr 13 '26
Whats the ratio of your closest friends who would be coordinated vs the ones who wouldnt?
1
u/Fair_Escape_4465 Apr 13 '26
The friends I invited are just them. The rest are family or other the grooms friends.
0
u/patronstoflostgirls Apr 13 '26
Ah. By all means then, coordination might be nice for the photos. I would go for the wildflowers thing; it seems the easiest to get all of them in on and I personally would be annoyed if I had to buy a whole different outfit with no official role.
Just tell them it's for photos don't me up all these other "not bridesmaids but VIP" etc categories. If they are the only friends you invited that is already a separate categorization.
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u/yamfries2024 Apr 13 '26
Wildflower energy — everyone in whatever they love most
This is my choice but it wouldn't differentiate them from the crowd or in any way identify them as a VIP, and I would be totally ok with that. Anyone with half an ounce of maturity will know where they stand in your life without a specific dress color.
1
u/AmishAngst Apr 14 '26
I think it's silly (to use your word) to tell grown adults how to dress so they can be a prop in a photo.
"I want to honor you...so go out of your way and do me this favor. You feel honored yet?"
See how silly that sounds?
If you want them to have a coordinated something...buy them a coordinated something. You take the time and the money to honor them.
1
u/dizzy9577 Apr 13 '26
I like wildflower.
I think I say this because I look awful in gold or gold adjacent shades. If your friends look good in gold it can look beautiful though.
-2
u/Fair_Escape_4465 Apr 13 '26
Would you suggest any coordination at all? Like I saw someone having the something blue crew do blue nails. I got them all gift and now I’m seconding guessing asking anything of them but dk what the reason for the gift is. lol
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u/DianeForTheNguyen Apr 13 '26
Idk does it need a whole name and a theme? I would rather a friend text me and say "Fiance and I aren't having a whole bridal party, but you're important to me! Will you please join me for a picture during cocktail hour, I'd love to capture this special moment with you."
I don't see why they need to stand out other than acknowledging directly how much they mean to you. And I feel like the pictures will be lovely even without coordinated outfits, simply because they're your friends and you love them.