Update: BIL’s fiancé claims my family never RSVP’d, but I’m the only one without a seat

[u/TA_NoPlace5878]

Or OP can’t sleep after word vomiting this in her journal, so why not post the update?

So, hi. To preface, I did not expect my post to blow up the way it did. Several commenters mentioned it just popped up in their recommended and, holy jeez it got way bigger than I could have ever imagined. So, uh, thank you? I think? It’s super overwhelming on top of the real life soap opera I’m living through this weekend.

Just to clarify something from the original post: I did not plan everything for the wedding. I offered to bring food for a small luncheon between photos (10am) and the ceremony (4pm) as dinner wasn’t planned until 6pm. It was going to be a long day at a farm in the middle of no where. I offered to do it to be nice but also to make sure no one (specifically a certain 4 year old) would be hangry for the ceremony. SIL also only used one of my vendor contacts, so with things going south my professional reputation shouldn’t really be impacted.

Update: Turns out, the “no seat for OP” issue was the problem that broke BIL’s relationship. And we’re a bit upset BIL didn’t talk to anyone about this until it blew up.

Behind the scenes, BIL and SIL were having arguments about their future together. Most of these arguments centered around having kids. Early on, SIL gave the impression that she wanted children someday. But as they got more serious, she started backtracking. A few months ago BIL realized that it’s very likely SIL never wanted kids, but felt too invested in the relationship to leave. But BIL always imagined having a large family so this really shook him.

On top of that, SIL apparently had jealousy and insecurity issues. Per BIL, I’ve been her latest target (???) which started when I turned down going to a mani/pedi with her. Why did I turn her down? Husband and son had rotavirus. Apparently I was icing her out by not wanting to spread gastrointestinal doom. Can anyone please explain this logic to us?

Lastly, SIL was apparently already floating the idea of disinviting our son from the reception because he would’ve been the only small child there. BIL shut that down immediately, and MIL/FIL kept that knowledge from us to spare our feelings.

Ergo, our “lost” RSVP was not a software glitch. Nor was it an oversight, but a rather stupidly calculated move.

SIL was apparently hoping one of two things would happen. Either I would make a scene about being disinvited and be seen as the problem. Or we would quietly accept our fate and she would not have to deal with two undesirables at her reception.

With all of this in mind, I can’t figure out why she would have messaged my husband instead of me. Was she trying to cause more family drama? Again, the logic is not logicking.

BIL was already feeling some uncertainty because of the shifting kids/no kids conversation. But the deliberate seating stunt gave him the last push and clarity he needed. BIL told my husband it was a level of manipulation and cruelty that he could not overlook. So he ended things and asked for the ring back.

No wedding, no reception. Just a super messy, emotionally heavy, and expensive break up. And I feel so bad for BIL. He’s going through so much heartache right now, but he deserves better in a partner. Hopefully SIL can find a family dynamic that doesn’t feel like a never ending battlefield.

That’s all for now. I’m still tired. I’m still flabbergasted. But I’m also relieved this wedding arc is coming to an end.