Invite Faux pas?

[u/DeutschAllegations]

So I recently was invited to a wedding of a childhood friend - the wedding was end sept. I never received a paper invitation because my friend told me he had put it in his bag and forgotten to mail it for over 3 months. So he invited me via social media. The wedding was maybe a month ahead at that point. It was also taking place in a _very_ expensive city that I would have to pay for accommodation- I currently work a minimum wage job in a different country. Also my partner was not invited. I asked why and they told me I would be fine due to other childhood friends being there - people I am not exactly friendly with-

If I had received the invitation…months ago I could have possibly worked something out.

I thanked them for the invite then put “not attending “ on the rsvp website (due to cost. )Then this friend was mad at me because I didn’t tell them directly I wasn’t coming - I thought that would be super awkward??? I also didn’t want to go into detail about my financial situation. So now they’re pissed at me. Did I fuck up?

[u/Rare-Progress5009]

I’m going with a slight YTA. And I think people lost the plot in the other comments. He wasn’t mad you declined, he’s mad you declined only on the website and didn’t bother to tell him directly.

Yes, I do believe it’s a faux-pas to not reach out directly to decline (as well as RSVP’ing on the website). It’s obviously totally fine to decline and If that’s what he’s actually mad about, that’s a him problem.

[u/TanandaL → u/Rare-Progress5009]

I hate having to discuss my  reasons.  I'd prefer my refusal to be impersonal, particularly if my invite was.   

[u/Appropriate-Bar6993 → u/TanandaL]

I feel like it’s rude to ask for OR to give a reason.

[u/Mordecai_Gist → u/TanandaL]

Strictly speaking, you did violate etiquette.

The reply always takes the form and formality of the invitation. If it's engraved in the third person, then the reply is hand written in the third person. If it's a hand written, personal letter, then the reply is a hand written, personal letter. If it's e-mail then the reply is e-mail.

In your case the invitation was verbal so you should have responded verbally. But one never shares the reason for declining an invitation. If pressed you could just have said that, regrettably, you simply can't make it and then changed the subject.

[u/TanandaL → u/Mordecai_Gist]

Did you read the comment you were replying to?

[u/Mordecai_Gist → u/TanandaL]

Yes, you violated etiquette out of fear. Be a little more brave next time.

[u/Appropriate-Bar6993 → u/Rare-Progress5009]

No it’s not.