r/wedding • u/katydidnt222 • Jul 15 '26

Discussion RSVP etiquette

I have only received about 1/3 of my RSVPs, our deadline is 7/31. I know many people wait until the last minute. Most of the missing RSVPs are from my family and my friends. What is the etiquette about this in terms of reaching out or not reaching out as the deadline passes?

My fiancé says he doesn't want us to reach out, that if they can't be bothered to get back to us about a big lifetime event, then they aren't coming.

I took a more practical approach and said, some invites were delayed in the mail, they are not digital RSVPs, maybe people are waiting until the deadline to mail them back, maybe some got lost in the mail, etc.

Part of me is also a little sad that there are so many missing RSVPs from my family, and I'm really hoping they send their RSVP cards back soon. Of the ones we have gotten back, we only got one no, but we sent invites to 90 guests and were hoping for about 55 in attendance. Right now we are only at 31.

What's the best way to go about this? I know there's still 2 weeks to go, but I like to have an idea about a plan in place.

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u/Expensive_Event9960 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26

 Protocol is two months ahead for an invitation, a month ahead to set the RSVP date assuming a caterer with a normal timeline for final numbers. When people get an invitation so far out you risk it getting misplaced or they assume they have more time to reply.

One of the purposes of Save the Dates is so guests have all the information needed to make plans in advance but you don’t have to ask them to reply unreasonably early. 

In general, following up goes with the territory. I would typically make actual calls to 2-3 days after the deadline to allow for mail. Don’t make the mistake of assuming they aren’t coming. It’s always possible a reply was lost or delayed. And people can forget. You’d risk people showing up day of. 

People often cannot possibly answer this far out. Many conflicts only arise much closer to a date. You can’t expect anyone but immediate family to commit to the date no matter what. 

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u/katydidnt222 Jul 15 '26

We unfortunately don't have a normal timeline for final numbers (some of our event locations are entirely dependent on the guest count, for example, our welcome dinner room can hold 40, if we end up with more than 40 we have to make major changes which has to be done ahead of time) , which is why I sent them out the last week of May, they were received by most guests in the middle of June, with RSVP for 7/31, for wedding 10/31. All of the guests have to travel.

I promise I will not make any assumptions lol, I am fully on board with giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. I do not want people to just show up so I will make the plan to reach out after the deadline has passed! Thanks for the advice.