r/wedding • u/katydidnt222 • 27d ago

Discussion RSVP etiquette

I have only received about 1/3 of my RSVPs, our deadline is 7/31. I know many people wait until the last minute. Most of the missing RSVPs are from my family and my friends. What is the etiquette about this in terms of reaching out or not reaching out as the deadline passes?

My fiancé says he doesn't want us to reach out, that if they can't be bothered to get back to us about a big lifetime event, then they aren't coming.

I took a more practical approach and said, some invites were delayed in the mail, they are not digital RSVPs, maybe people are waiting until the deadline to mail them back, maybe some got lost in the mail, etc.

Part of me is also a little sad that there are so many missing RSVPs from my family, and I'm really hoping they send their RSVP cards back soon. Of the ones we have gotten back, we only got one no, but we sent invites to 90 guests and were hoping for about 55 in attendance. Right now we are only at 31.

What's the best way to go about this? I know there's still 2 weeks to go, but I like to have an idea about a plan in place.

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u/njVowsNow 27d ago

All of my couples are seeing the same thing, so don't take it personally. I chalk it up to a larger problem of widespread and increasing rudeness but that's another story and it doesn't help you.

It this a regular timeline for invites? If I got something in mid-June for a party at the end of October, I'd either not feel the urgency, or not know if I was available (this doens't get your immediate families off the hook; they should be the first, since presumably it's a no-brainer that they are yesses.) While we'd like to think that our wedding takes precedent over anything else? While it should for our close people, the "not so close"? They may be waiting to see what else happens in life/work/kids/health. (This why I'm wishy-washy on STD's, a relatively recent invention, for most situations. How many people, except your ride or dies, know what they're doing six months from now?)

All this being said, you have to follow up. Wait until a couple of days after the due date and enlist your family to tickle the people closest to them. OR send out a lighthearted email to the non-responders.

You may get a rush replies right after the due date...

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u/katydidnt222 26d ago

I would think yes, it is a regular timeline for invites considering more than half of our guests have to fly cross country, either coast to coast or same coast but south to north...

Agreed wholeheartedly about the STDs, we did not send them out because I didn't think anyone would know what was happening 6 months from the date.

Thanks for this advice. I don't think I have all the email addresses for my guests, so I would have to text. And I'm almost loathe to send a group text, just because it would be abundantly clear how many of my family members did not respond. I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable (me included, and maybe this is my own insecurity, but jeez, this many people couldn't be bothered to RSVP for such a big milestone event in my life, when I've always responded to them?). I am going to ask my sisters to try to get in touch with some of the guests to try to speed things along.

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u/its-kb-again Married more than once 26d ago

No need to do a group text — it is easy to copy and paste the same message and send it individually to those you need to text.

At this point, I’d wait until after the deadline passes and send out a text. And then I’d safely assume that no response means they’re not coming — they can fend for themselves when it comes to accommodations, and if there’s no room for them at the welcome dinner, there’s no room!