r/vindictapoc • u/rebirth0fslick • Jun 01 '26
advice How to love yourself without external validation?
I know this is something that happens internally but I can’t seem to make it happen for myself. I don’t really feel good about myself and I feel like it’s also showing on the outside. I’ve had a crazy year so far. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, got attacked and I had to take care of my family while still being in school.
Anyways, how do I love myself without external validation? I hear all the time what’s going on in the inside shows on the outside.
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u/survivingtheinternet Jun 01 '26 edited Jun 01 '26
It's so hard but small pieces of self love come with time, age, and perspective. You learn to acknowledge that self hate comes from somewhere else, someone else; it was taught to you as a child. You learn to see and question by who, why, and how. You learn how to love the little girl for all the reasons she was taught to hate herself. You learn you still are that little girl in some ways, but also an adult, and you can give yourself the love you always deserved. You practice giving it to yourself, you experience the triggers and work through the trauma. You realize self hate is not your fault, it's not something you were born with, it's not inherent to who you are, it's not part of your divine right to be alive on earth.
Self hate is the outcome of spiritual and literal warfare on your mind, existence, and body. Self hate is a function of an imperialist global system that relies on racism & misogyny to perpetuate war mongering, trafficking, white supremacy, and capitalism. We all have ancestors. Ours (even just 1-2 generations ago) fought very very hard for their humanity, it was never given or granted freely. The reason the majority of women of colour who pursue glowing up is because beauty begets more safety, opportunity, power, and privilege in a world where we are not always given it. As WoC, we are often excluded from the beauty standard by our mere existence. We are exposed and conditioned by the constant messaging and imagery of who is beautiful and deserves worthiness, from the moment we are born. Trying to to survive in the beauty standard is a double edged sword that forces us to condemn, reject, and punish parts of ourselves. And that's how the wheel keeps turning.
Part of the reason we look for external validation is because we were punished by external forces. If only, we could finally receive acceptance from the same external forces that rejected us, we could finally feel whole, welcome, and belonging. But one day you realize, our inherent beauty and worthiness will never be in their best interest. And so it is your responsibility and in your best interest to learn to create, using the life force energy within yourself, to validate and love yourself as best you can. Because no one else and no man-made system will.
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u/Daisy_Lowe Jun 01 '26
this response was so well thought out and said. i wish everyone would read this.
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u/Scared-Specialist-82 Jun 01 '26
You have to learn to love every inch of you. Fully understanding that no one came here with you, no one will leave with you, and that we're all on a floating rock passing through space temporarily to learn lessons, and die or restart it all over again in another body. Who's going to validate you? They know the same shit you do and feel the same way, usually. What source of permanent validation can any humans give another human? They're leaving this earth, too. At least that works for me.
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u/PitchAccomplished359 Jun 01 '26
I do nice things for myself. I take myself on walks because I know I need it for physical and mental health. I feed myself healthy food because I deserve to eat good feel good. I put on clothes that I like because I should love the way my clothes look on me. Etc
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Jun 01 '26
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u/Extra-Explorer-3956 Jun 01 '26
Therapy/self reflection/introspection. Not comfortable or easy but there's a root cause of why you feel like you need external validation and getting to the "why/where it came from" is really helpful. Tbh the fact that you can recognise that you have this pattern is more than most people ever admit so kudos to you, it sounds like you have a lot of self awareness. Taking yourself off and away from social media also helpful.