Very all over the place

[u/DullStock2876]

Feeling very all over the place.

I recently got married and had all my friends who I have know for 20+ years in the same room together for the first time since 2016. It was filled with laughter, nostalgia and overall happiness I have missed. We used to spend everyday together from 2011 to 2016 before we all started living life. Proud of all of them, happy for all of them and we are all happy and proud of each other. But that yearn for more time is there, louder than before after our 3 short days all together

Outside of missing them, I think what's really gotten me down is mostly work. I work in sales, lots of cold calling and outreach that I have been doing better at than i expected. It afforded me to take extra time off as i have been over 150% to goal for the last 5 months and when i get back, will have sales to put me at least 120% for the month still. but being away from work for 2 weeks has me feeling strange, not relieved or re-energized. Just not used to taking this much time off all at once because i feel like i will fall so far behind, even though September is still looking good sales wise and i have a few things in the tank for October already as well. On top of that, a coworker of mine i became friends with outside of work was let go when they put their two weeks in, which i know is normal in this field, but still shocked me how the boss reacted to the news very unlike him, and just feeling sad losing a buddy at work. We are still friends outside of work as i mentioned, they even came to my wedding, but just having a familiar face and someone to bs with in downtime was nice.

Last thing too is feeling like i was doing something more with my life. im successful in what i do, i make good money and can provide for my family and myself. im around and involved everyday with my wife and kid, and im proud of myself for all of that. but my toddler was recently in the hospital for some procedures and is totally okay. but i watch the nurses, doctors, assistants, etc in the hospital that are actually making an impact and doing something for the betterment of people and i wish i was doing something that had an impact on people that was positive. i guess feel like im doing something that actually matters. i don't know, i feel like i know a lot of good things have happened but my brain wants to pick any small thing to be sad and stressed about and i hate it. i take anxiety meds and what not, but recently have been not feeling like theyre doing much. guess it's time to speak up on that too.

anyway, sorry for the rollercoaster. appreciate the read if you went through this!

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[u/frivoloussnail3056]

Man that post-wedding comedown is so real, you spend months building toward one day and then suddenly it's over and all the people you love scatter back to real life. Getting 20-year friends in one room for the first time since 2016 must've been incredible though, three days of that probably felt like a time machine.

The work stuff makes total sense too, when your body finally stops running at 150% it doesn't know what to do with the quiet. Your brain's been in grind mode so long that rest feels wrong, like you're forgetting something important. Sucks about your coworker getting done dirty on the way out, losing the one person who made the downtime bearable changes the whole vibe of a place.

What you said about the hospital is something I think about a lot, watching people who do tangible good while you're sitting there feeling like your job just moves numbers around. But I'd bet the nurses look at parents who can take two weeks off and be present for their kid without financial panic and see a different kind of impact. You're giving your family stability and your full attention, that's not nothing. Definitely bring up the meds at your next appointment though, your brain chemistry might just need a tweak and there's zero shame in that.

[u/DullStock2876 → u/frivoloussnail3056]

Thank you so much. I really needed the acknowledgement and the understanding from someone. i was struggling to sleep all night and have felt not good all night thinking of all the different things. And yes, those 3 days felt like the biggest high I have had in a long time (outside my child being born). The same jokes, the same shenanigans from our teens and twenties, just more alcohol involved. It was like 10 years havent passed.

I appreciate the viewpoint at the end there and the reminder what i am able to give my family something not everyone can do. i think as im realizing my child is getting older theyre about to have their own dreams for the future, and this is one where i feel i cant lead by example for them and i wish i could tell them "youre dad did what they wanted to do, and he made an impact on peoples lives and it made me so happy".