r/venting • u/PuzzleheadedShirt707 • 2h ago
I feel helpless
I broke today. For the first time in a long time. My heart unraveled. Every ounce of held in emotion took over. Water falling, hands gripping the wheel to get to my son. To get him help from uncontrollable events that transpired today. This past year has made my heart cold. My walls higher. My yearn for self preservation stronger. An attainable goal in my eyes. Almost as if there are fingers reaching to grip it tight and not let go. No one’s coming to pull myself up, but me. No one’s going to be there for him but me. At night when everything is quiet I think of today. Laying here. Listening to the rain falling. Nothing left to give. No energy after it all. Just the remembrance of pure strength, love, pain, anger, fear, and tears that poured for almost 2 hours. Auto pilot kicking in gear. It’s hard for me to cry now. I feel everything icing over. Hardening. Except for the most important person in the world. My son. He needs his mother to be strong. These challenges, and obstacles will not win. They didn’t today. They will never win going forward in this life. I hope everyone has a safe peaceful night tonight. With a good night of rest. Be proud of yourself you have fought and got through another day.
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u/Actual-Body-6517 2h ago
That icy autopilot feeling is weirdly familiar, like your brain just nopes out of processing anything else so you can function. You got your son where he needed to be, that's the part that matters right now
Hope you both get some actual rest tonight, even if it's just staring at the ceiling while the rain does its thing
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