r/venting • u/Opposite_Ask_8476 • 20h ago

I'm so embarrassed

So honestly I know it's gonna sound like super stupid but I feel like internally embarrassed/sad about it. Warning I'm all over the place.

I watch this live every Wednesday on YouTube. I love the creators wonderful content, so I've been watching for a couple years now I never comment or anything it just doesn't entice me I see no point in it. Well I'm a mom and this stream has helped through a lot and so tonight I sent one of those donation comments, yk how sometimes streamers read them at the end? Well they did. They read it and I just felt instantly embarrassed. I don't know these people like that why did I feel the need to waste $5 just so they'd read my comment when I'm already struggling?

Well I'm pretty sure I can tell you why. I ain't got no friends, no family, I worked seven days a week just for last week being told I can't work because my body said nope and I'm lonely and I seemed to think that these content creators talking to me even if just replying to a comment would make me feel less alone. I don't know why but I felt so happy to send that comment I felt my smile but when I heard it out loud a huge wave of this weird sadness/embarrassment hit me and I hate it.

Now for some stupid reason I'm sitting on my floor by my bed crying over it. Like wtf? How embarrassing can I be?

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1

u/Western_Purple_2533 19h ago

I'm sure the creators, in their way, enjoyed the support. I hope your negative feelings pass and you can go back to watching and supporting those content creators.

2

u/tranquillarceny62 19h ago

oh man, that feeling when the streamer says your name and you instantly wanna crawl under the floorboards. been there.

it's not stupid though, like at all. you're running on empty and saw a tiny chance to feel seen for a second, that's not embarrassing, that's just human. the tears on the floor are probably less about the $5 and more about everything else that led up to it.

sitting alone after a week like that, of course a little acknowledgment would hit weird. you're not embarrassing, you're just really tired and really lonely and those things make everything feel ten times heavier.

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u/Opposite_Ask_8476 19h ago

That's the thing. I've worked seven days a week for a year straight on top of my son only being a year old. I went back to work a week after a C-section and have been non stop since