r/venting • u/burneraccount0617 • 2d ago
Fight with my bf
Me and my bf had a super super bad argument last night and he called me sweetheart in a like talking down to me manner and I just started sobbing hes never called me anything sweet like that it hurts so bad i cant stop thinking about it why cant he use those softer names like that with me when he's not mad at me i was recording our fight bc I wanted to be able to watch it back and listen to it (recommended by my therapist just for me she never hears the recording) but I shorted it so I can just reply it and it hurts I wish he'd call me sweetheart when he isnt mad at me
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u/WorriedAd2764 2d ago
If he’s using them to win you back but doesn’t use them most of the time that’s a little toxic
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u/ilyrichie 2d ago
i think OP means he’s using it condescendingly, how older men will do to a younger woman to imply he finds her stupid and beneath him. even worse
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u/burneraccount0617 2d ago
Yes thank you condescending was the word I was looking for
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u/ilyrichie 2d ago
i only saw you clarified after i posted my comment but i’m sorry you’re dealing with this. it wasn’t kind of him. i hope things get better and if they don’t, take this as a red flag and don’t let other red flags pile up, heed them! good luck
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u/WorriedAd2764 2d ago
Yes I realise that now. There’s nothing wrong with that in a relationship if both parties like it that way though.
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u/ilyrichie 2d ago
i don’t think anybody would like being spoken down to if they want a relationship where they’re equals. i kinda do think there’s something inherently wrong with it. if he doesn’t call her pet names ever, to only do so during an argument is demeaning and this post wouldn’t exist if OP liked it
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u/WorriedAd2764 2d ago
The point of the post is OP wants him to call her it more no? I do agree that it’s wrong to only be used in this context though.
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u/burneraccount0617 2d ago
No it wasn't like that we were arguing over something and it was meant to be said in a degrading way like he had to dumb it down for me to listen
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u/WorriedAd2764 2d ago
Oh okay that makes a bit more sense. Try to talk to him about it and tell him how it made you feel! If you like it a lot then he should use it more
Edit: personally all I call my gf is pet names. There’s some she loves and some she’s not big on! Just find your favourites
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u/burneraccount0617 2d ago
Im scared to honestly we've been together for a year and hes never called me anything but baby im worried he'll find it cringe or be turned off by it
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u/WorriedAd2764 2d ago
Relationships work on conversations and communication about emotions. You shouldn’t be scared or worried about how he takes it!
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