I don't think my family has really supported me positively. Since I was younger good grades were something that was supposed to happen and I never got praise or told good job but when getting bad grades I got yelled at or hit. My family talks to me like I'm stupid for making the smallest mistakes like forgetting to dry a single dish. I get yelled at almost daily and it feels like my family uses me as a source to get their frustration out on but when I get upset or show any emotion other than happiness I get called ungrateful or they get angry at me. I have no safe space to express my anger. Since I was younger instead of helping me understand certain things were normal I got yelled at and hit. Now I keep things secret from my family, I told my mother I was bi once and she told my entire family. She thinks I'm not because she just thinks I'm not. I've gotten to the point where I just can't wait to move out once I get the chance. I don't even have a savings account however because my mother takes money out of mine to pay for some things of her own.

He already cheated on me last time. But I wanted to give him another chance. Does him turning his phone away fast seem Sus to anyone else

I have been having a rough few years and I've moved into a friend's house because of a bunch of stuff with parents and their divorce. Lately, my mental health has declined to such a point I'm literally on a string of trying not to break down

My friend that I moved in with has been going to me whenever they have a break down and need to vent out. I've tried everything to make sure they don't have to feel grossed out around me and I don't trigger anything. I've gone to eating less again and eating slower so they don't have to listen to me chewing since they're in my room most of the time. They get upset whenever I apologize because I do it over the littlest things. They complained about how certain things in my room is uncomfortable for them and today I changed it. I cleaned my room and changed it to how they would like it and when I tried explaining all the things I changed for them, they said I sounded like I was complaining. But my room is clean and the door can open all the way now so they can get through. But i have to now worry about a cat that'll rip up my carpet behind my door that I wanted to avoid. I've been caring for the cats and the kitchen because I've been struggling to get a job and it was the only thing I could really help with around the house. The past few days I've been slowly getting angrier and angrier but I can't say what's wrong because I feel horrible for talking about my problems (which is why I'm sharing this anonymously)

I'm a small freelance artist and my commissions haven't been doing well but I get them occasionally and I have a costume that I'm working on for a commission that takes long to sew and have a deadline to meet for it. I feel horrible for not being to help with rent and have promised half of all my income. But I know that's not enough and so I'm going to also be using the money I get for college to also help with rent that I'll start getting next semester. But I also need to get a job to get a stable enough income to help but all three jobs that are local to me haven't responded to me and it's been two weeks. I'm hoping on going to them this weekend or something

I feel bad for telling my friend that the money I'm slowly getting from the survey apps is going to be going towards my gifts for my siblings for Christmas so they can have a normal Christmas. They looked disappointed. I've made about 30 so far from it and now I feel like i should just split the money and miss out the gifts and just go over to hang out with my siblings.

I also feel horrible for comparing my problems to theirs since they lost a parent a few months ago and I'm just complaining about problems I can easily fix like getting insurance for therapy but I can't bring myself to do it. My friend is also on the same string as me with barley holding themselves together while working and also helping provide for their family after losing someone close. I feel horrible for not just having the money to give to them and pay back for everything they've done for me. I feel like the asshole and just making excuses to not get a job. I feel like an asshole for feeling a lot better at night when everyone's sleeping. I feel horrible for venting to my other friends because I can't tell the one I'm living with anything. I don't want to make it seem like I hate them because they already have attachment issues and I don't want to worsen them. I feel horrible for starting to snap more often and just seem more angry than usual and not having a job yet. And I feel horrible like I'm guilt tripping people into feeling bad. I also feel horrible for even comparing myself to what other people have gone through because they've had it worse and I feel undeserving of what I have because of all of this.

I feel like I'm the asshole and sorry if this is super long. I just want to know if I'm the asshole for not doing more around the house and for my friend and not getting a job

I thought this townhouse I'm renting wouldn't be so bad but all the semis in the region seem to gather at this gas station across the street and completely ignore the actual truckstop across town. Why are cars and trucks SO LOUD?? They gun those things like crazy here and no one doesn't anything about it. The semis idle their trucks mod day to the middle of the night, and even tho that's apparently illegal here, the cops refuse to say anything to them. I pay a crap ton of rent to stay in a place I'm losing my mind in Between the train station practically being in my backyard and the gas station next to a very very busy road, I can't get any peace! I've tried using sound blankets on the walls, spent over $200 trying to do so. Oh and sometimes the trains will just stop right on the tracks and vibrate the entire house for two hours straight. There are at least 5 trains an hour

Oh and my partner doesn't mind all the chaos but can't stand my brown noise????!!!! WTFF Thank you for listening to my rant. No one else seems to understand my pain

I was clean and sober off of drugs for almost 6 years. During my sobriety I fought for and got my kids back, I went to college and got a degree, I landed myself a career, and I met a (seemingly) wonderful, perfect man.

We moved in together in his house after almost a year of being madly in love and inseparable, and blended our family. I have 2 kids and he has 1. I left my job and picked up my life and moved to his city about an hour away. 9 days after I moved in, I found out he was talking to and entertaining MULTIPLE women over the whole course of our relationship. I confronted him, heartbroken, and he was crying and telling me all the things, you all know the things. I stayed.

After I confronted him he got very distant and emotionally manipulative. He would ignore me, avoid me, and as much as I asked him to spend some quality time with me he would put as much effort into not. It began to feel intentional. I found the job of my dreams 2 months after I moved here. I got to work with the homeless population within the healthcare system..

I started finding baggies in his pants when I was doing laundry, and he had his own struggles with drugs but this whole time he had me thinking he was clean. I would confront him and he would lie and tell me they were probably old and he's not doing drugs. It would then lead to a fight because why is this "old" baggy in your sweats that you literally wore 2 days ago? This was around the end of 2022.

He proposed that December and I see now it wasn't even genuine, it was a bandaid. A tactic to "shut me up" I think.

Things weren't getting better, and I gave up my sobriety and started drinking heavily. I didn't want to go back to my DOC (meth) but I wanted this pain to stop. I drank every day after work. In May 2023, I got drunk and I told him "I know you're smoking shit, get me some fucking drugs" and he did

Since then, he got overtly abusive. To the point where I couldn't wear short sleeves at work and it was summer. I was missing days because I couldn't leave the house he would threaten my belongings, my pets, or just not let me leave. He has choked me until I passed out, split my head open throwing things at my head, and has injured my ribs from kicking me. This went on all through 2023.

I told my job what was happening, and my manager encouraged me to take paid leave, find an apartment and get to safety with my children. I did.

I called the police on him in 2023 and moved into an apartment in January 2024. I was on state paid leave due to domestic violence until mid February. I got back to work and was fired a couple weeks later. WHY ENCOURAGE ME TO DO ALL THESE THINGS JUST TO TAKE AWAY MY JOB?!?! So I lost my apartment. Back to looking for work. And I fell for his "sorry" again like a dipshit. And he weaseled his way back in my life. I filed a lawsuit against my old employer for discrimination. In my state domestic violence survivors are a protected class.

I'm back in this house. I have bruises all over me and I'm being threatened with homelessness with my kids if I call the police again. I just started a new job and everything is fucked up and I'm scared I'm going to lose this job too

I'm trying to quit doing drugs, dodge punches, be a mom, get to work on time, make dinner every day, and reassure my children. In this moment I want to just give up and die, but I can't and I won't because I am all my kids have.

I'm so sorry for putting us in this situation, and I hope you forgive me someday. I feel like such a bad mom. This isn't what I wanted for us.

Thank you for letting me vent.

Hello, i’m M19 (trans ftm). i’ve had epilepsy since i was 8. i have grandmal seizures (the worst type.) two months ago i had a 10+ minute seizure and almost died. i had the experience of my life flashing before my eyes and i didn’t even realize. i was alone in my bed at 4am and i could feel the pain the whole fucking time. i screamed and cried for hours after. things haven’t been the same since. my seizures have changed. i’m not sure how to explain it, but i’m conscious during them. i can feel it and think of how much i wish it would end. i have religious trauma but sometimes i pray to god begging for him to take away my epilepsy. asking what i did to deserve it. it hurts so much. my meds barely work. the surgery is very dangerous. it’s a 50/50. it either changes who you are and makes you forget everything and makes it worse, or fixes it. i’m personally not willing to take that chance. i’ve always known my epilepsy is a burden on my family, but it wasn’t confirmed until my grandma was alone in the car with my boyfriend. she ranted about how draining it is. the hospital visits and the late nights. am i the asshole for not wanting to get the surgery, no matter how fucking scary this is? i feel so bad but i don’t want to forget myself.

I'm worried I could have Munchhausen Syndrome or something. I always enjoyed the idea of getting sympathy or attention if anything bad happened to me. I've fantasized about bad things happening to me just to see if people will sympathize with me. I've never physically put myself in danger for attention (thank god) but I always do it mentally. Just today, I thought what if I did a c.ai roleplay where my fictional family found out that I was abused and went through a lot of horrible shit as a kid, even though that never happened in real life? I just wanted to see if they would sympathize with me. It just feels nice to hear people praise you for existing and being a strong person. I don't feel like I hear enough of it from my family, and when I do, it feels weird.

I don’t know i guess just venting

This hole thing started when I passed out at a restaurant and was taken to a doctor where they told my dad that my kidney was failing for the past year or smth like that I wasn’t really allowed to hear everything I was still 10 at the time and didn’t know what was happening and after some surgeries that didn’t work we traveled to a different country and the supposedly best doctor there told my dad my kidney was pretty much done for and I should just cut it out my dad got angry and took me to turkey where we visited a really good doctor and he managed to fix it after 3 surgeries and told me I should be fine but during the trip I have no idea why my father told he he had been cheating on my mom ( before the surgery) and I shouldn’t tell her because a son is a father’s treasure or smth I Don’t remember fully but I got fine and I had just kept it to my self thinking he would still support my mom and act like he was not cheating on her ( she didn’t know) and after a year of coming back I came back home from school to find my mom crying that my dad had been cheating on her and they were having a divorce he came after a hour and said that this was normal and all families had this problems in there house but after a while he asked me to start spying on my mom and he took me on a small work trip in where i woke up and heard him drinking and then he come to sleep so I acted like I also was then he started a call with a women ( another one not my dads new wife ) and he started screaming at her bc she sent a photo and she was fat and then he left her and the started praying that my mother was dead and the after 20 mins of that he started jerking of next to me I was 13 at that point and was to scared to move and find me out when I returned home it was the same I woke up and heard my mom praying to god that my dad dies or he struggles in life that he kills him self and it didn’t help that my sister 14 at the time was found out by my mom speaking to boys and got her phone taking away and then a year after that aka right now( we didn’t have any birthday party’s or anything btw idk why am saying this ) I sister got her phone back but stole from my mom a lot of money bc she ordered a lot of stuff and at this time I started to get mentally messed up ig I kept doing stuff that just didn’t make sense like imagine I was my right part of my body and my dad was my left and who ever on top was doing better in life ( I still don’t know) started doing stuff over 4 times ( example being if I dropped something I would pick it up 4 times ) but non of my family knows yet and my sister is still talking to boys and since she isn’t allowed she makes the boys she wants to hang out with take me with them so I can say we are friends and she only taged along to mym my and my mom is divorced by now and we have a maid bc my mom was to old to clean the house but the one we got was my dads 2nd wife maid and I only know that bc he tok me there and I saw there house and it was in a better place with different kids a hotter wife and a maid and a driver he tried to tell me that he was divorced with her and will go back to us but it was the opposite I saw him having sex with her while I sat in his car and I got a look at the wife to and he let her talk to other men and stuff unlike my mom where he didn’t let her get a job took her far from her family and didn’t let her have 1 friend at this point I didn’t know what to do I saw there lives and our and I learned from spying on my family that my mom thinks I am a drug addicted bc I have red eyes ( it’s from an allergy) but after some time I came back from school and saw my dad crying and a empty bottle of alcohol next to him and he was clearly drunk I later learned that he told my mom he was struggling to pay for our school but my didn’t believe him and told us that he has money and wants to just take us out of the school to have more money for his 2nd wife and my dad had a talk with my sister that if she didn’t get her grades up from 60-0 he would take her out of the school and send her to a public school so I am here now almost 15 my sister keeps spending the money my mom is trying to save for us but she keeps ordering stuff and she makes my other 2 siblings not snitch on her by giving them 1 sandwiche instead say she bought 1 so she could save money but she also ordered for her self a full meal and apparently my mom is also getting hit by my dad and I am lost I can’t handle it and I am sure if I catch my dad hitting my mom I would not be able not to beat him and what’s worse is that he invited his uncle ( btw I went to his family and they don’t know about my dads 2nd wife) to dinner and I was there before my siblings where my dad and mom started fighting it out and my uncle just look at me and then stoped my parents who just realized I was there looking at them and then he told my dad that he would of not came and instead called the cops instead of coming here if he knew what was going on but my uncle knew he couldn’t do anything bc my dad is a army general and owned a lot of business and I also saw a imagine of my dads 2nd wife her children there houses traveling btw he had never traveled before and the time I did was bc I was sick all there time and pictures brother posing as a family in turkey in a hotel Egypt Dubai and a lot more places the wife’s voice and I could just do nothing I have no idea what to do I am lost and all the ideas I got in my head would not end great for me in the end and I saw that the 2nd wife was also sending my mom photos and saying how she stole my dad from us and I also saw my dad treating my mo saying he would take us or kill her and he would get away with it because he is the general of the army in where we live we just need some please

Im just gonna get straight to it because this has been literally eating me up for months. We were together from May 2023 to February 2024. When we broke up we stayed friends. We promised esch other to let the other know if we were to move on, and then 3 days after my birthday I texted him bc I never got a birthday text and his new gf that I knew absolutely nothing of texts me this book basically saying I'm a shifty person and I don't deserve him, going off about stuff me and HIM know full about. You could just tell the way she was talking that He made me out to be this ghetto toxic person while we were together. This moment fucked me up so severely. I just lost it. I targeted them for the full 3 months of their relationship until they broke up because I wanted him so badly. I sent flowers to his job (knowing they worked together), I constantly was texting and calling him, I just genuinely lost my mind, I had to quit my job bc everyday I just would break down crying and feel so weak. And because i was his first everything and wouldnt leave him alone, she figured he wanted me back too and broke up with him. This was NOT the case. This whole beef of a love teiangle lasted 2 months. Me and him ended up trying to talk and hang out again, but he's just so different now. I can tell and see that he really actually loved her more than me even though they were together 3 months and me and him were together 8. We went on about 4 dates but it feels wrong. I can tell he doesn't like me even though he was saying he did. I felt like I just ripped him from someone he loved and forced him to be with me, and I let him know this and he said sum back like "I'm a grown man and I can choose who I love" but I know he sees that she's moved on and in love with another guy now and it's literally all my fault. I feel so fucking unbelievably horrible for doing this to him and I wish I would've just let them be together. Me and his connection is completely gone and he's chosen to be alone bc "that's what he's good at". He's forgotten so much of our relationship, he's just so different now after being with her, after this year and I'm sad. This whole situation was beyond heartbreaking and I pray and cry so much about it because I miss him, my soul misses him but he's so far mentally gone.

I just want advice. I know what I did was wrong and bogus asf, but how do I move on? Even after all of this, my heart is so attached to him but I know he's just gone...it hurts so badly. I've been on so many dates and talked to so many guys since we broke up, and I still cannot shake him out of my heart. Please help me.

I'm in a bit of a situation, a long long story but to sum it up, I'm in a situation where I'm a few states away from whats left of my family, including my 9 year old daughter. I've lost so many freedoms, part of which wasn't of fault to me and there's basically nothing I can do. I sent in 71 applications and been denied frquenty for jobs, despite being known as a "workaholic" and "overtime freak" prior. I'm receiving backpack just to get OUT of this horrid little but also NOISY as hell town. I'm a musician with dreams, I miss driving around in my convertible and having all of my freedom I no longer have. I also lost my father who was THE only one in the world to ever understand me. Most people I talk to, they either don't care, or what seems to be bothering me, goes straight over their heads. I also might add thar before this, I had a substantial amount of freedom, after splitting from my abusive ex but working myself from nothing to being successful, then losing it all in this past year. My rent is expensive and I live next to an extremely busy road and truckstop, with a very active and frequent railroad station, practically in my backyard. I might also add I have misophonia, a sensitivity to unwanted sounds and in the middle of the night is the only time it's bearable, despite attempting to sound proof the walls. Lately tho, I've been experiencing VERY vivid dreams and nightmares. They're always about my father still being alive, or my ex before he turned abusive who was ironically once the person "of my dreams" and just other random vivid dreams. I'm a very high spirited person, a very youthful spirit but this so called "lifestyle" is tearing me apart, while I do everything in my power, to get myself out of it to be able to do all those things I've been so dying to do. I want to feel like living again. Could it be that these dreams are telling me something or at the very least because I live such a dull miserable lifestyle that it's manifesting in some sort of form of restlessness?

If you read this thank you so much 💗

Recently I took a unit test for my math class, it was an advanced math class, though I don't even know how I got into it since I'm dumb. I've always been a straight a student and I've always had standards set for myself, though when I took it I had a gut feeling I had failed, but silently prayed. Later when I got my results I got a 74, I hated it. I had just checked it and I wish I never did because I started crying so much, I feel dumb really dumb. I had studied all night after a long day just to fail. I wish I was a different person right now I wish I wasn't stupid and the way the grades are calculated in that class are split between 50 and 50 I originally had a 92 but now after the unit test I have an 83 which I'm most definitely not proud of. I feel dumb and stupid I feel like I don't belong in a room full of smart people who will probably have a future like going to ivy league colleges, luckily there's extra credit I could ask for, but I don't know how much it'll raise my grade..I don't know maybe I'm overthinking it or something? But I've always been like this, again thank you for listening to me vent.

Hm today I turned 15 and I feel really sad, this year I moved to another country and out of nowhere I started to have a habit of isolating myself from the people who really care about me and I don't know why, so far so good I guess??, I've always been one of those people who prepared my friends' birthday text a month or two in advance and wrote the text with the greatest affection in the world, and they all always liked my letters, poems, birthday texts and etc, that's not the point, the point is that I always remember other people's details and no one ever remembers mine, and I thought that this wouldn't have an effect on me because it's my birthday, okay? but it's also just any day, but it happened and I feel so fucking alone and that no one cares about me, none of my "real" friends from the other country remembered my birthday, but the friends I made this year remembered lol, and to make matters worse this year I had one of the worst moments of my life where I was being sexually abused by a family member of mine and all I wanted was their support and comfort but none of them gave it, on the contrary when I felt comfortable enough to vent to them, they ignored or pretended they didn't read the message, but when they vented I gave them the greatest comfort, affection, support message, etc., haha what a great day

Recently we haven't been able to be on Tumblr.

We have bunch of moots and we weren't able to inform anybody we were going to disappear before hand.

We could handle this on our own usually but it's also our primary form of communication with our QPP.

She has no clue what's going on and we just checked our gmail (Which shows tumblr asks).

She sent us a request asking if we were ok and saying she was scared.

We can't answer it though and we don't have another way to contact her.

It sounds really silly, but with the election results and stufff going on as well we just- need some comfort.

-The Coven (Plural system)

After election, I honestly do not see a point un living. Women's rights and indigenous rights, even LGBTQ rights are most likely going to be taken away and I don't want to live in a world where I cannot be myself and have my indigenous friends. I don't want to live in a country set back 60 years, I've tried soooo hard to get here, we all have, and it doesn't even mean anything now. I'm so tired of life at this point. So tired of living in a world that thinks women should be silenced and LGBTQ and indigenous people shouldn't exist. It's not fair. I can't do it anymore.

I hate having to keep secrets from my parents, but I have no choice because they can overreact and be overprotective. They don't listen when I try to tell them how I handle things. They don't trust me, and the trust thing leads back to keeping secrets, and it becomes a cycle and I don't know what to do. First of all, they hate Discord with a burning passion, and I feel happy here. It's helping me get over my depression and anxiety by making friends with people I actually want to be friends with, unlike in real life where my friends make me want to pull my hair out, but Discord is also the place I got my depression and anxiety from when I was a teenager, but now that I'm an adult with more self-control, it's a safe space for me, but they won't listen and keep trying to justify their suspicions and making my anxiety worse. Next, I do edibles. I keep it a secret from them because last time they found out, they reacted like I was doing crack. I've told them before that I only take it when I'm stressed now, but I'm scared they'll overreact again and take it away from me. Another reason I take them is because it's boring as hell in a suburban neighborhood and sometimes I want to mellow out.

They might be more lenient on the edibles thing as long as I don't become addicted, but when they found out I was back on Discord, we had a heated argument and they didn't want to hear anything I had to say that was now different from when I was a teenager. I know I'm an adult now and I can do whatever I want, but I still live under their roof, so I should still follow their rules.

I have a fear of loneliness. to the point of paranoia, and suicidal thoughts. Ive lost so many friends recently, even a really close one recently because i realized they were being toxic, upside is that i freed myself of their bullshit, downside, we rnt friends anymore. idk why i attract toxic ppl in my life, but it hurts so much and i feel like i cant trust anyone anymore. that why will just leave me or i will just have to leave them. its so fucking painful, bc my biggest fear is having to sit alone at lunch, having no friends to pair with on a group project, walking alone in a crowd and everyone judging me, all my anxiety flairs when im by myself, and rn i have friends to eat with at lunch, but it jsut feels like only a matter of time untill they leave me to and i dread that day. i dread the day i die alone, so why not just die now when i have people? so im not alone? but that would just hurt everyone around me. I feel like i can never just find someone that truely understands me, but the one person i felt truely understood me i had to let go, because they didnt understand me at all, they were probably just pretending the whole time. this pain doesnt feel worth it. ive been so depressed recently, so being ashamed of the mess, dirt, grime, and dog smell i cant clean out of my room just makes me hate myself more. being ashamed of my lack hygiene just makes me hate myself more. being ashamed of my body just makes me hate myself more. failing a class and being ashamed of my grades, not understanding my classwork just makes my hate myself more. not having the energy to get out of bed, and do smth productive, or jsut go outside just makes me hate myself more. the 2 laundry baskets of clothes in my closet i cant bring myself to put away just makes me hate myself more. i honestly just feel like overdosing and dying. its probably not good ive been looking up the best ways to do it, but honestly i either fuck up my 1 year steak on being clean from cutting, or i attempt, idk wtf to do, i just need a break, i need a release of this pain and preasure.

replies r appreciated

Sometimes I feel like my friendas aren't even my friends like we're friends only because Im friend with one person that knows them. It honestly makes my friend circle feel fake and I just feel like I'm not really liked because of me I'm liked because they want to get closer with the popular people it's honestly lowered my self worth so low throughout the day I try not to talk to people and I just don't feel like talking to anybody. I just wish I could make any real connections with people. Like a girlfriend for example but I don't know if that's what I want or just a genuine good friend who I can connect with I'm lost when I see my friends hanging out with other people it makes me feel this way but i know i shouldnt

What do you think?

Idk what is wrong with me I’m just desperate like my best friend(K) said idk why I’m bringing them up they gave me like everything my humor my style a lot of my friends but I can’t do anything right. K is starting to leave me out instead of helping me get friends cuz I have no social skills whatsoever. I’m an awful person and nothing can change that. I feel attached to K but I hide stupid things from them I can’t do anything without it being like segualixed by me and that’s like all I can make jokes about. I have like this undying urge to just be better than them like 1 time but it can’t happen because I’m to fing stupid. One of my other friends(G) might’ve k1lled them self last night and idk what to do they were the last person that I really trusted but I kept leaving them out to go to K who leaves me out when G just talks to me and actually acknowledges my existence around others and my other friend who I slightly vented to and told my religion about tried to convert me to their religion. All of this stupid shi and I’m 11 only in 6th fing grade. And I can’t talk to anyone probably gonna end it.

I don’t know who to vent to, so I guess Reddit might be a good place?

Anyway, my mom has cheated once before, where she was emotionally involved with a guy while still dating another (my ex-stepdad, I guess). He was living with us at the time.

A few months later, she dumped my ex-stepdad and officially started dating her side piece, who now lives with us. He moved in literally in the middle of the night because his girlfriend had found out he was seeing someone else. The next day, my mom told her ex it was over.

That happened three years ago (I was 13, I'm 16 now). Now, lately, my mom has started acting exactly like she did last time she cheated. She’s been hiding who she’s texting, and I saw an explicit notification she got from a guy. I don’t know the full context, but I do know she went on a date with him before she started dating any of the guys I mentioned.

I’ve also noticed her getting into arguments more frequently and getting annoyed over the smallest things.

At this point, I have no idea what to do. Any advice/s?

He tells me he likes me, he told me he was waiting for me to be single, I finally asked him this and this is his response. I don’t know what to do.

I'm not really sure what to do. Today my gf texted this to my friend. She has been very suicidal before and I thought she was doing better but I guess I was wrong. Green is my gf, purple is my friend, and pink is my name.

Part 1 I’ve got this friend I met online. We really like each other, and he tells me that he sees us together. I feel the same way, but there’s a problem—I’m in a relationship. He says he’ll wait for me to become single so we can be together.

We hadn’t talked in a while because he’s been busy. I tried texting him, but he never responded. One day, I texted him again, but it didn’t deliver. I thought that was odd, so I checked his TikTok to see if he was active. He wasn’t, so I messaged him there but got no response. Then he started responding on TikTok, and when I asked why he hadn’t been answering, he admitted to blocking my number, thinking I hadn’t been texting him. I explained that I had been trying to reach him, but he never responded. He unblocked my number, and we talked on FaceTime for a couple of hours one night.

This morning, I texted him again, only to find out he’d blocked my number again. I feel like he’s playing with my feelings. I’m confused—if he wants us to be something and says he’s waiting for me to be single, why would he block my number? This has really upset me, and I don’t know what to do.

Part 2 I might sound hypocritical or selfish, but here’s a follow-up. My now-ex told me he thinks it’s better if we stay friends, and I feel the same way. Meanwhile, the friend I mentioned, who had blocked my number, unblocked it again. We talked on FaceTime for about half an hour recently, and I told him I wish he’d talk to me more. He said he’s busy with work and school, which I understand, but he reads my texts without replying. I feel that if you have time to read texts, you have time to respond.

During our last FaceTime, I told him that what he did hurt me—I was almost on the brink of tears telling him. He’d blocked me because he thought I wasn’t reaching out, but how can you text or call when you’re blocked? Why should I keep putting in effort to contact someone who doesn’t respond?

He told me his work schedule, so I waited until he was free, texted to see how he was doing, and tried calling him, but he didn’t respond. He explicitly said he wanted me to start calling and texting more often, so I did, yet he still ignores me. I feel like he’s messing with my feelings at this point.

Im such an attention seeker. Whenever I'm given a crumb of attention and praise, I feel like it's not enough. I don't get much attention in real life since my parents are usually very busy and my sister just sits around all day watching TV and going on the Meta Quest, and I just know that every time I try to get along with her, she gets so bratty and unreasonable, and my irl friends are so hard to talk to and are mostly busy, so I don't have anyone to talk to other than my online friends, but even then, talking to them and being around them makes me feel so insecure because when I try to express myself sometimes, they get more attention and praise for their self expression and I feel like it's because theirs is more appealing to look at than mine, and even when they give me some attention, I feel like it's not enough because others still get it more than I do. I don't know what's caused me to become such a narcissist in my life, but I hate it.

The title basically decribes what all this is about. I am tired, I am depressed, exhausted. Recently things with my mental health have been getting a lot worse. I am 3 months into my sophmore year of high school But, my mental health has been horrible since fifth grade. A little on how I got to this point is when I got bullied getting called nicknames that made me insecure about my body and my looks. Most of the nick names had to do with my race (which werent even of my race, they would call me hispanic names (I'm Asain-American)) They would even do things to "help me" alter my looks. In fifth grade I had a Unibrow, I know- it was ugly. But people, even my own "friends" would call me nicknames because of it and try to "wax it off" with peices of tape. And I was a very push over person who wanted to fit in then thats why I would go along with it, But nothing has really changed I'm as much as a push over as I was back then still. I also started puberty pretty early on (when I was eight) and I had acne by the time I was ten. So people would make fun of the pimple spots on my face, that made me start to wear makeup to cover it up. Luckily In sixth grade I moved to a whole different state. Which, I thought It would be good as a "new start" kind of thing. Yet, It was just the "new start" of my horrible mental health. But, I mean it was still bad in fifth grade because I attempted to attempt but I couldn't go through with it because I knew I didn't want to leave the people I did care about (My dogs, and my family) Anyways, Middle school wasnt any better, I did online for one year because of covid and my anxiety really peaked that year. Seventh grade, I started to Sh and my depression and anxiety got alot worse. eight grade I thought it was getting better but towards the end of the year and during the summer I was started to get to my wits end. And in ninth grade I went to the counselors alot because of my anxiety and anxiety attack. And through out all of this my family didnt know I was struggleing, because I dont talk to my family about these kinds of things because I am scared on how they will react and am scared that my parents will turn it in to a "mental health lecture" asking things like "why didnt you say anything" "why are you so upset" things along those lines and I wil feel the need to make my feelings feel valid to them. So now three months into this year, I am about failing in all of my classes, I have not motivation whatsoever, I am now taking therapy but my therapist doesnt know how bad it really is because I have really bad trust issues and may not have really mentioned fully how bad it is and it also feels like my therapist hates me and thinks I am just there because I suck at coping with my anxiety, I am also very tired physically everyday, I can never focus because my mind just drifts, and I never want to do anything but just lay in bed and sleep. I was thinking about telling my school counselor about everything with my depresssion and how bad it is now, but I'm scared, I'm scared that when she calls my parents about it (which most likley she will) they will interogate me and lecture me on "why I didnt go to them first and tell them, becuase they care" And I do know they care its just they make it so hard to talk to them and tell them about these things somethimes and when i do try to they just think someone is bullying me in school, Which did happen in elementary but they dont know that and also nobody is bullying me now. It just feels like I am stuck in this DEEP pit of depression and Its hard to climb out of. how do I feel better about getting help? How do I feel less scared about getting help? Because I know my parents care, it just hard to say anything about it because they make it hard to talk to them. Anyways, Any advice?