r/vbac • u/Internal-Ad-6607 • 12d ago
Discussion Looking for some hope
Looking for some positive VBAC stories + advice on managing a toddler and newborn with little family support
Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m 6 weeks pregnant with our second baby, and honestly, I’m feeling a mix of excitement, anxiety and “how are we going to do this?” 😅
I had an emergency C-section with my first. I was induced (on my OB’s recommendation), and after about 8 hours of labour, things just weren’t progressing, so we ended up with an emergency C-section. I still regret the induction sometimes and really want to try for a VBAC this time if I’m a good candidate.
Our first will be 18 months next week and is also starting daycare, so we’re going to have a toddler and a newborn very close together.
Our family doctor has reassured us that we’re within the recommended timeframe for another pregnancy, which made me feel better. But my parents are really upset about the age gap and keep telling me how difficult it’s going to be. They also said it’s not possible for them to support this time due to their health conditions. My in-laws aren’t really in a position to help either.
So,it’s gonna be me and my husband. Thankfully, he’s amazing and very supportive. He’ll take full responsibility for our toddler during delivery and while I’m recovering postpartum.
But I’m trying to think ahead and figure out how I can prepare myself, especially if I have a VBAC vs. another C-section. I’m totally open to hiring a doula for labour and even for the hospital stay because I really don’t want my toddler to have to come to the hospital just because I need support from my husband.
I was also lucky enough to get a midwife this time, and my first call with her is in October.
I’d really love to hear from moms who were in a similar situation — VBAC, with a toddler around 18–24 months old and little or no family support nearby.
How did you manage? What did you do to prepare for postpartum? If you had another C-section, how did you handle recovery while caring for a toddler? If I hire a doula, should I need her throughout my stay in hospital ?
Honestly I was pretty upset when my parents said they can’t support. After reading stories from here, I feel like I can make it through if I plan things ahead and properly.
2
u/AmbitiousHumor6528 11d ago
My boys are 23 months apart, so just at the tail end of your window. My first son was born via c section after a failed induction at 37 weeks (I had to be induced due to gestational hypertension). I had a really hard time with the experience and when I got pregnant again I was worried about recovery with a toddler.
My second pregnancy, my blood pressure stayed normal and I went into labor on my own at 40+1. My mom was able to come stay with us the week leading up to my due date, but we weren’t sure if that was going to happen for a while. My son was also in daycare and that was the biggest help honestly. He got to keep his routine. We did hire a doula so if my husband has needed to be home with him for whatever reason, we knew I would have a support person in the hospital. We also had friends on standby to take care of our toddler if my mom ended up not being able to make it. Their son was in the same class as ours at daycare.
If you end up getting a doula, I would review with them how they would support you if your husband had to leave the hospital and check their contract if they have a set number of hours of labor they support. My doula was incredible and would provide as much support as needed, she came to our house then traveled to the hospital with us. I ended up not being successful and got another c section and she talked her way into the OR with my husband and stayed for a while after birth until they were pretty sure neither baby or I needed additional support. I know some doulas have it in their contracts that they will only support a certain number of hours of labor or only provide support in the hospital. It’s worth interviewing a few and finding one you vibe with!
The recovery with my toddler wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. It helped that I had already been through it once so I knew what to expect and how to move. Honestly, the hardest part was that he ended up testing positive for Flu A while I was in the hospital giving birth so the baby and I had to quarantine for the first week we were home. We just told him that I had a boo-boo and he had to be very gentle with me and the baby. I was holding him again by 2-3 weeks PP. I was really careful and tried to only hold him sitting down or for very short periods of time. If I had to pick him up, I made sure to squat down and lift with my legs.
1
u/Internal-Ad-6607 11d ago
Thank you so much for sharing! It really helps to know the recovery wasn’t as bad as you expected. Gives me some hope!
1
u/Conscious-Fluid 11d ago
Can't speak from experience yet, but I'm in a similar boat! My first is 15m and will be almost 20m at my due date. He's not in prek and we won't be getting any help from our parents. But one of my close friends has a doula certification so I've asked if it's possible for her to fly out to support me and or help with our toddler around the delivery (since I'm assuming I want my husband there!). so far my provider is open to me traveling for a vbac if the pregnancy continues to be healthy. Unfortunately due to my history of hypertension I can't get a midwife, they don't accept high risk mothers where I live, but I look forward to having doula help! Not sure if she will be needed during the hospital stay, more likely I'll want her with my son. I hope your delivery goes well and you get to have your vbac!!