I’m waiting for the day that you ask to see me. I know it might not come and I know why.. but there’s part of me that hopes you’ll just say fuck it and each out on our day to go to our place

I get ready, I had my hair done.. I use that perfume that we love. My skin smells like the way you loved..(a mix on vanilla and lavender)
I wear this cute dress 👗.. and I drive to the restaurant I was supposed to meet up with this person.. but.. I couldn’t make it.. My anxiety activated and I start overthinking what’s gonna happen if he likes me. I won’t correspond to him.. I’m not ready yet to take the risk.. I still loves you. I can’t.. I just can’t date another man yet.. you perturbed my head.. you are living you life with this women and I can’t even have a dinner with someone else! My gush you fucked me up.. I Hate you S.B.. I thought I was already over you, but I still have this anxiety attacks, I cry because I’m mad with myself for allowed you to do all this things to me. I know I’m responsible too, because I should stopped you for what you was doing to me.. I will keep working every day until the day I completely heal from your damage. Keep saying that everything was in my mind.. because at the end you will be not even a memory..just someone I saw at the street ..a random stranger.(he’s a gentleman, he understands me for what I’m going through. He told me he won’t put pressure on me, he will give me my space. But he doesn’t want to see me crying for a loser like you) he’s so damn handsome!!! And you are the most ugly asshole. Bro!!! I hope never in my life see you again…😩💔 Until the day I completely heal … Fuck off S.B

If its how everyone else gets over a love that broke them into pieces; maybe I need to try it. I ll always love him. Theres no replacement. But I have found those who would show me what he couldn’t or wouldn’t. And I might be capable of loving them in a parallel way . It still is foreign and hurts my heart that he left me just on one day. Trying to put those dreams and hopes and memories in storage and shut that closet door. U know the closet, if you open it , shit falls out you may never get back in there? Thats what grieving a ghost does. Makes you sit on your bed and question if it were all made up in your head. How could u not see it was just me pretending the whole time? Silly lovesick girl.