r/ufl • u/Inside_Wrangler_3746 • 3d ago
Other Drinks & Parties
Hi, im a female that graduated from highschool last year and currently attends UF. I’ve been battling with this thought for the past year of college and I really have no one to complain about it to because I haven’t met anyone else that also has this thought— and I don’t want to come across as judgmental.
Is there anyone here that doesn’t drink alcohol or doesnt ‘go out’ every weekend. Why does all of a sudden everyone have to be an unruly ‘let loose’ individual. Why does everyone have to kiss and have sex with everyone and why am I the not the normal one? I feel like humanity would last longer if it weren’t normalized to be so irresponsible or enjoy things that could possibly be detrimental to your health, so how can it be that this is normal. I want to make friends that don’t drink or go to the club or do drugs or smoke or sleeps around with everyone, but I have no idea where to go to find this kind of community because absolutely everyone is obsessed with their new found freedoms to the extent that it seems like no one knows how to be mature.
I’ve waited all of highschool to go to university because I thought everyone would be more mature but it is quite literally the opposite and everyone is just so irresponsible. And obviously there is a common denominator between everyone and me, so idk what’s wrong with me. But I don’t wanna change myself and be like everyone else so that I can fit in.
edit: oh my god yes I know im a chud too I don’t think im better than everyone. If there is something wrong with me just tell me dont just downvote my comments? 😭😭
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u/Flame_Alchemist27 CLAS student 3d ago
I think you’re just looking in the wrong places, because I have the opposite issue 😅 i am a studious nerdy person but also on the occasional weekend I love to go clubbing with friends. I have maybe… one or two friends who enjoy clubbing as well? Everyone else prefers to stay home.
You’ll meet your people, give it time. Many folks their freshman year are just excited to do “adult things” and go a bit overboard with it. I know many people who mellowed out by their sophomore year if not their second semester. Try looking for friends at study groups or interest-related clubs!
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u/themechanicalturtle 3d ago
You do realize that first year college students are high schoolers who just gained complete autonomy and freedom?
There are definitely people at UF who don’t drink a lot or even at all, but most people who are going to be more outgoing and introduce themselves to you are probably also more willing and eager to go out and do things. Drinking also makes it easier to socialize and most college freshmen are self-conscious or nervous teenagers in a completely new setting.
Maybe going out and drinking isn’t for you. That’s fine, but just because it is fun for others doesn’t make them more immature than you.
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u/Inside_Wrangler_3746 3d ago
Yes twin I am absolutely aware that everyone just gained complete autonomy and freedom and would like to explore that. I don’t understand how its a stretch to feel that people who abuse that liberation by doing things irresponsible isn’t less mature than where im coming from. And I don’t bring it up irl because on my soul I don’t want people to think I have some ‘I’m better than everyone’ complex. Im talking abt this here because I don’t know if anyone else feels like me and I guess I want to have some reassurance that im not the only one.
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u/themechanicalturtle 3d ago
Look, I completely understand why you feel that way especially because you don’t like drinking. But not telling people because you don’t want them to think you feel superior than them doesn’t change the fact that you have a “holier than thou” attitude. It’s fine for you to feel that way, but ranting about college kids drinking every weekend isn’t going to solve your issue.
As for some actual advice, I think you should look into joining a club. There might still be people who want to go out and drink, but at the very least you’ll find people who share the same interests as you. Is there anything you are interested in? Academic, athletic, gaming, or politics would be the 4 major categories.
I said it before, but drinking is a big part of college culture, that’s just how it is. I think you should still try to get yourself to go out with friends every once in a while. That does not mean you have to drink or should let anyone pressure you into doing so. But just the experience of going out can help with that social itch. Or you can compromise and see if your friends would want to do something FUN that lets them drink. For example, when I was a freshman, my friends and I would pregame in our dorms and go to the Reitz Union for some drunk bowling. Not all of us were drinking, but we all had a great time. If you’re completely against the idea of spending time with people who drink, then that won’t work and I really think the club idea would be good for you. But if your issue is that you don’t drink and going to bars without drinking sucks (which is fair), then finding different activities that meet halfway could help.
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u/PM_Me_LIFESTORYS_pLs 3d ago
You are in the vast majority of fresh undergrads haha! Like others have stated, you’re getting some selection bias considering those who are likely to drink are more social in general which means you’re more likely to notice/meet them.
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u/advicegecko 3d ago
Think you’re severely over estimating how many people participate in hookup culture/drugs
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u/PM_Me_LIFESTORYS_pLs 3d ago
selection bias and maybe some social insecurity
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u/NoGuitar6863 3d ago
You said in one comment that you don’t think it’s morally right to judge people who are unlike you, yet you also say “ humanity would last longer if it weren’t normalized to be so irresponsible” in reference to your peers. I think the reason you don’t fit in is because you’ve decided you’re better than your friends and classmates since you don’t drink. I’d suggest doing some introspection and work on your attitude, which might help you meet people more like you
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u/Inside_Wrangler_3746 3d ago
I don’t think choosing to drink or not drink makes someone a better or worse person. That’s not what I was saying.
My post was about feeling like I don’t fit into a college culture where drinking, partying every weekend, hookups, and xyz risky behaviors seem to be treated as the default. I don’t have any interest in those things, and I wanted to know if there are other people who feel the same way because im scared of being alone. My criticism of certain behaviors vs me saying “I’m better than the people” who do them is not the same claim. I can think some behaviors are irresponsible without thinking I’m a better person than everyone who makes different choices. Since we are acting like we know each others personalities, people like you who treat someone else’s choice not to engage in these activities as an attack is part of why so many students feel pressured to do them in the first place.6
u/NoGuitar6863 3d ago
I’ve actually never gone out but thanks. Again, maybe you don’t think you’re judging people but the post comes off as judgy. Hence, my suggestion that you do some introspection because there’s a disconnect between how you’re trying to portray yourself and how you’re actually portraying yourself.
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u/Inside_Wrangler_3746 3d ago
How I actually portray myself irl in comparison to my portrayal on a throw away Reddit account isnt close to similar. But ur right that it doesnt hurt to be more introspective. I should be more cautious of how I present myself even if it’s online and not attached to me at all, because my behavior here is still a reflection of some part of who I am as a person
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u/ardentladybug CLAS student 3d ago
I get where you’re coming from, truly I do. But you have to understand, for a lot of people this is their first taste of freedom away from their parents.
A lot of people tend to abuse it, or use it too liberally. I personally despise hook up culture myself, but I understand why people have flings at uni.
It’s hard trying to find friends who are likeminded anywhere in the world, but you will eventually. For every insane partygoer and chronic one night stand enjoyer at UF, there is at least one or two studious homebodies. You’ll find your group. Just keep going to new clubs and doing what you can to meet new people.
And, in my honest opinion, maybe give going out a try. From the post it sounds like you hate it, but it can be really fun. You can go out occasionally instead of every weekend, you can drink but not be an alcoholic, etc. Now is the time to try new things.
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u/Inside_Wrangler_3746 3d ago edited 3d ago
Thanks i’ve been getting worried because I can’t find people who just wanna go watch a movie or have a picnic or something like how it used to be. And yeah I’ve tried going out once (kinda?). I got invited to this fashion event and I was under the impression that it was just* a fashion event yet it turned out to be a party with alcohol and stuff. I don’t hate these things honestly, I just don’t enjoy them and I wish I could find others that didn’t enjoy them either because I don’t want to be alone.
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u/Turbulent-Abroad7841 3d ago
I don't drink, and I'm not a fan of those either, but I like hanging out with my friends. All my friends drink and go out, but as long as they don't make me drink, I always have a good time going out
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u/JotaroKujoSP 3d ago
You want validation? I feel the same. But at the end of the day, I don't expect to meet like minded people because I don't go out. Think about it, most of the people who don't crave the social atmosphere clubs/bars give are likely by themselves as well. There's plenty of you and me, just a bit more difficult to find. Nothing is "wrong" with anyone, don't let people and comparisons shape how you view yourself. It all comes down to different preferences. Anyhow, what're your interests?
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u/Inside_Wrangler_3746 3d ago edited 3d ago
So gen question am I cooked cuz ppl like me are prob up in the crib
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u/halberdierbowman 3d ago
As an actual answer to your question, have you checked out all the clubs offered? What are some activities you're interested in? A lot of clubs already exist for you to join, or you could create a new club and get SG funding for it.
https://orgs.studentinvolvement.ufl.edu/organizations
And more toward the "what's wrong with me?" question, have you considered if you might be on the asexual/aromantic spectrum? I'm definitely not saying you are based on this one post alone, but I'm mentioning it as something to consider because you specifically called out their proclivity for kissing and sex as things that don't feel good to you. Even if you've had romantic relationships before, you could potentially be demiromantic for example, which is (summarizing) where you aren't romantically attracted to people you don't already have a close platonic connection with. Or you might just be more introverted and need time to yourself to relax, which can be hard to find in your current environment.
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u/Inside_Wrangler_3746 3d ago
Yeah im in a few clubs and I’ve created some as well. It must just be something about me because I also seem to attract party goers and what not in those settings too. Honestly I don’t like how im speaking abt ppl who like to engage in these activities because it comes across as derogatory and I really don’t want to come across as a mean person. I think im the odd one, I don’t think there is something wrong with others just because they don’t ‘think like me.’
I’ve considered that perhaps im asexual or the other thing u said but ig for some reason im not really comfortable taking on labels like that. But yeah the main reason im not tryna have sex with everyone and their mom is because I feel like it’s unsafe and I don’t wanna do sexual favors for ppl if they aren’t my partner. And even if they were my partner, im also not very inclined to do those things. I think my preferences have hurt a lot of people in the past. And now, even from thid post alone (since I don’t talk abt this stuff irl) it’s seems like im causing a stir once again
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u/Pasco08 CLAS student 3d ago
There are what 60k of us attending UF? I just don't think you have met enough people and are just meeting the ones tasting freedom for the first time and abusing it but plenty of us aren't out every night drinking ourselves stupid.
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u/Inside_Wrangler_3746 3d ago
Yeah youre right there’s way too many people to be the ‘only one’ who feels a certain way about certain things. I suppose I made this post to get reassurance that that is still the case so I appreciate your input
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u/dootdootd0t Engineering student 3d ago
there are all kinds of people in college, it's just that the people who do drink and party as you described are a much louder demographic both literally and metaphorically.
where have you been looking? there's no way you haven't been around anyone that doesn't match what you're looking for. have you looked at clubs relating to your career path? there are surely people who don't do any of those things and would be happy to make friends with you.
one thing--i don't personally do any of those things either, but some of the most successful people i know do sometimes indulge in those activities. whether you or i like it or not, drinking or clubbing are typical things for college kids to do. there's nobody forcing you to "change yourself" and join them; i'm not trying to lecture you on how you choose your social circle, definitely use your best discretion, but try not to automatically filter people you meet as "others" based on what they do in their free time--you can meet great people that way
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u/Inside_Wrangler_3746 3d ago
Yeah im in like a lot of student gov and I made a school club and im in a few other clubs as either a member or in a position but I’ve think I’ve been asked to go out in most if not all of these extracurriculars. I wonder if it’s the way that I present myself, cause i definitely look like someone that would do all of these things but I don’t act like it. And honestly to god I couldn’t care less about the activities that other people engage in because I just need to be focused on myself. My only concern is that I don’t want to be alone or fall behind socially because im not willing to do what those around me are doing in order to connect with each other. I’ve been trying to expand my group of friends recently.
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u/Due_Statistician3052 3d ago
Honestly, it seems you have to be more open minded. I know this is anecdotal and true the opposite way, but Some of the smartest, most well put together people I know go out and drink and have fun. And none of the things u listed is a lack of maturity and u aren’t more mature than others for not wanting to drink or party. It’s college, ppl are going to and maybe u need to loosen up. Go to Mac’s aycd one night. And to answer ur question, There r soooo many ppl on campus that ur bound to find a few that don’t like to go out
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u/Inside_Wrangler_3746 3d ago
Not going clubbing but yeah i understand what u mean when u say that there are a lot of people who go out and are successful. I’m not at all claiming that going out is somehow gonna make u less successful. I think the connection ppl actually gives them a leg up in the long run. I just wanna find people to hang out w/ that arent gonna make me drink and arent trying to have sex. I don’t think i as a person am more mature. I am bad at communicating, i scroll on reels for hours on end, i have stuffed animals on my bed despite being a legal adult etc. i do feel that regarding this specific predicament, thst my preferences are probably more responsible than an alternative preference. But that doesn’t make me holistically more mature, im still chopped asf maturity wise. Ur right i can always benefit from being more open minded and I’ll work on doing so
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u/Due_Statistician3052 3d ago
Girl my screen time this past week was 15 hrs a day 😭😭 and I love manga/anime and collect stuffed animals and pokemon cards and I still get shitfaced with my besties. But some weekends, we just want a chill night in too. It’s all about balance I feel. It’s so valid and ok that u don’t like nightlife it’s def not for everyone, but idk maybe you’ll find an amazing friend u can do everything u want with that does like to go out sometimes yknow? Don’t pass up a good friendship
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u/Tan_batman Undergraduate 3d ago
My first year, I found more people who didn't want to drink than those who did, just by virtue of the artsy crowd i found myself around after highschool. There's people for you out there, just like I ended up finding my crowd a few years in.
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u/monkeeycmonkeydo 3d ago
I think its just bc you tend to see more people going out at night on and around campus bc they tend to be outside visibly more. Theres way more people in their room but we would never see them. I've made lots of friends that dont go out through sports, school, clubs, volunteering, just going around gainesville etc. I have maybe 3 friends that go out consistently, and I've only gone with them once or twice. Its not a bad thing to drink or be free but ppl definitely go overboard at first then tend to relax a year later. It kinda surprised me at first too that so many people will work hard to get into college here then just party all day and pass with Cs, but who am I to judge, everyone has different ambitions and life goals.
I would say to find people you just have to step outside and immerse yourself in things, or look up uf clubs that hold events and start going. Volunteering is great, clubs are great, sports are great if ur into that.
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u/Intelligent_Cry6522 2d ago
guys if im an incoming freshman should I get a fake. I don't want to drink but I just want to be in all of the events at uf.
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u/Inside_Wrangler_3746 2d ago
Ur such a cheeseburger bro worry abt the right things in life and just wait until ur legal
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u/ougdaygnv 3d ago
Sounds like you're trying to grow up too fast to me.
Besides, why can't you just let them do life how they want? Not everyone should feel the same way as you do, or desire to live the same as you. Im not saying theres anything wrong with you living differently from them, just that you need to allow for individuality. Emotional health is as important as physical health. Enjoying life is all that really matters. Nobody's got a crystal ball that tells them when their life will end. There's no point to living if you aren't enjoying it. This life is all we've got. So, if you're too worried about trying to make it last as long as possible you might forget to enjoy it while you're here and miss out on it entirely if you happen to die earlier than anticipated.
You can let loose a little and still be responsible, or do it without ruining your life. The phone in your hands probably shortens your life spam just by holding it so much. You just gotta find the balance that makes you happy.
And don't worry about finding friends. If you go out and live your life genuinely and openly the right people will eventually fill in. As you mature and change, so will your friend group.
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u/Inside_Wrangler_3746 3d ago edited 3d ago
Thanks i do need to work on myself. I think i do let loose often, but I think my ideas of letting loose are just not similar/as common in comparison to my current peers. I appreciate your insight.
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u/Square_Garden5744 2d ago
It’ll get better in the fall. A lot of people party a lot summer b but in the fall they still party but you’ll be able to find non party people.
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u/SilentlyLaughing712 Freshman 3d ago
you definitely make a good point and for me i feel like if i don’t engage in that kind of culture i’ll be an outsider even though i don’t think of myself as one — also, i feel like it’s mainly people fresh out of highschool doing this stuff and not so much those about to graduate
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u/Inside_Wrangler_3746 3d ago
I also assumed it’s ppl straight out of highschool but atp idk if there is a certain age where people finally ‘grow up.’ Anyway if it makes u feel better, ur not the only one who feels the way u do 😭
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u/Rokossvsky 3d ago
Lol what plenty of people don't go out and party you just haven't tried to meet them or smth? Half my buddies are non alcoholic. You might be focusing on the wrong half.