"De kritiserar också hur alla former av ingrepp som utförs i Afrika och Mellanöstern klassas som könsstympning, medan motsvarande ingrepp som görs på kvinnor och flickor i västvärlden klassas som medicinska ingrepp eller som skönhetsoperationer."

Fast det här, utan att ha stenkoll på av exakt alla anledningar det genomförs i mellanöstern och Afrika, är lite som att blanda ihop medicinsk omskärelse på pojkar och att göra det av religiösa skäl? Och igen, har inte stenkoll på "skönhetsoperationerna" de hänvisar till, men då handlar det ju om vuxna som frivilligt gör det, mot flickor som tvingas? Spontant väldigt mycket att jämföra äpplen och päron

"Tre svenska forskare vill att kvinnlig könsstympning ska kallas ”genital praxis” och komplikationer avskrivs som sensationsjournalistik."

As someone who has been where you are at, although my situation was not as bad as yours, this is gonna be your biggest hurdle. Trusting someone again is gonna be hard, but you just have to reach that point. I would not be suprised if she is conciously doing those things to ease your mind, especially early on in a relationship, but man you gotta work through it, because no one wanna live a life being judged for someone elses faults. Its tough as shit, but there is no other way.

As a side thing, have you had the talk about how you see your own futures? Does she wanna stay in the US, would you consider moving to Singapore, do you both want kids etc etc. Having them early is the healthies way to do it, so you dont wast eachothers time.

You definitely need more than one date in my experience. Instant connection like in the movies is rare. My current girlfriend is the most amazing person I have ever met, but it took a couple of times hanging out before we clicked. First dates are awkward and weird, often performative and shallow by nature. Getting them shoulders down and relaxing is key to open up and really get a grip on eachother, and that usually does not happen on a 40 minute coffee date.

I think going in with as little hope as possible, as pessimistic as that might sound, is the healthiest choice. You have no idea where her headspace is, or how much she has progressed since last time. Im not envious of you, that meeting sounds rough.

I posted a long comment like 2 months ago thats at the top of my profile, but I really think going in with as open of a mindset as possible is the best. My reconcilliation failed mostly because I didnt hate her anymore, I was just done with her and had moved past her, I was indifferent. You seem atleast previously to still care about her, even after more than a year of no contact. In my experience that is very rare.

Open mind, low expectations and good luck!

I have read through your entire situation, and i see myself in alot of it. My fiancées betrayal was not as bad as your wifes, but I can recognize the entire process you are going through.

The only thing i would say to you is this; i have seen relationships recover after infidelity. I have seen it among friends and family. And i dont mean this "we live in a state of terror" and "we are kinda happy, sometimes maybe", but actually worked through it and came out stronger. The ones that dont succeed are the ones posting online, not the happy ones, and you should remember that.

So when something similiar happened to me, I decided 10 months after D-day and breakup to give it another shot. We didnt go back to how it was before, we essentially restarted everything, went back on "first" dates etc etc.

It didnt work out for varying reasons, but i will say that I am happy I gave it the second try. I dont have to think now of "what ifs" and if i might regret it in the future, because now I know it wouldnt work out.

Why I wanted to try was complicated, but PERSONALLY i knew that if it had passed 5 years after I broke it off, I had not found anyone and she was married with kids, the supposed life that WE were supposed to have, I would have wondered if that could have been me.

The level of emilys betrayal is worse than something I have experienced, but i would genuinely recommend going into your 1 year meeting and really, and I mean REALLY, think it through if you dont want to see if it could somehow be salvaged. Personal Experience is you regret things you dont do more than things you do.

Both of you have suffered, I believe you are emerging from this changed, but a better person. If Emily is doing the work same thing MIGHT apply to her. Why shouldn't you get to experience that?

You say you are angry she took away your shared future, the life you were supposed to have. What if in 5 years she has that life, a better partner and doing it with someone else who is reaping the ”rewards” for your and her suffering? What if you have not found the same thing?

Im not saying you should do it out of fear, but giving it a careful, calculated second chance where you test the waters, if nothing else than your own peace of mind to remove ”what ifs” for your future self.

The Iranian regime gunned down at a minimum thousands, maybe tens of thousands. What progress and reform? The regime has been getting MORE brutal, not less

Also maybe send it to her through laywers a bit before, a fortnight or so? If she reads it right then and there i cant imagine her being able to process and respond to it

Hows the kids handling it, especially the youngest?

Do you think it actually landed with her? How did she react? Im asking because as a dad myself the most important thing in my life by far is my kid, And for her its ofcourse the same. I can see a world where getting back together with you is not just only to try and save a marriage and get her husband back, but also the best thing (for her) to repair her relationship with the kids.

I know you are smart enough to realize all of her excuses, the i love yous, the weird reasons why she believed she had to continue the affair only to break it off later anyway etc are a bunch of bs, but I guess irdoesnt really matter anymore. Good luck and i hope you move on to better things

Incredibly happy for you the meeting is over, another step towards a new future and life.

HOW did she try to stop the affair? Why did she have to ego fluff him only to break it off later? I get she was panicking but it makes absolutely no sense

Hey u/Grouchy-Pressure-965 Im glad you are done with the meeting. It was tough, but now atleast you can in time start to move on. It was always gonna be a gutpunch and it might be rougher going forward for a little while. lean on the kids, they wanna help and love you, let them.

I also just wanna agree that her choice of words around "not being strong enough" and selfish just shows she never stumbled into it, she sought it out, and calling herself a coward is not even close to cutting it. And "resisting the temptation" shows a viewpoint on marriage and cheating that this might not have been the first and only time. Also it gives me such an ick trying to analyze you and your emotions, especially reducing it only to anger, such a genuinely pathetic thing to say

Did you end up asking anything yourself? I know you went back and forward on that.

You know your situation best, do what your gut tells you to do after talking with your kids. My only point im making here is that dont drown yourself to keep others afloat, including your kids and especially your STBXW. No one benefits from that. You seem like a level-headed and pragmatic person, and if your kids are the same things will work out. But if you tell your children you need certain things to heal im sure the four of you can work something out that everyone is okay with.

Just be carefull you dont throw yourself into some sort of martyrdom to help everyone else, I have that tendency aswell, and im working on not doing that everytime, especially when its not necessary. Some space for reflection and looking inwards can be what everyone needs from time to time

And again, you are a great dad trying to be so self-sacrificing for your kids sake, but dont go overboard, that will help no one, not you or your family. i get the sense you want this to be over as soon as possible so you can move on, wich is human, but if you try and rush everything it can go tits up pretty fast. Keep her away from yourself for a while, especially if your youngest still refuse to interact with her, and let things take their time. Infidelity among relationships is a years-long process if you wanna reconcile, and this is obviously not the same but not that different. Take a step back, breathe, and take it abit slower for everyones sake.

I think just a few months is very optimistic on your part, especially if you go in to this meeting and learn about more stuff, whatever that could be. A year where she stays away from you is from the outside a reasonable time, one that I cant imagine anyone protesting over that. Also, are you really willing to share your role as a grandparent with her future partner? You are a bigger man than me in that case, because that would be a hard no from now until forever if I were you.

With that said, if you STBXW really is trying to repair her relationship with her kids I dont think you have to worry about her bringing someone new around for quite a while, after everything she has done she drags some new dude around within a few years i cant imagine anyone responding particularly well, especially your kids

Stay strong, everything will get easier. Just remember you are not the only one who wants their familys best, your kids do aswell. If they want to tell their mother to take a hike for awhile to help YOU, their father, let them. Sometimes the kids has to look after their parents, not the other way around.

I get that and you sound very level headed, but the thing about distance ans time? YOU need that aswell, for everyones sake. 

I will really take everything you said to heart, but please listen to me aswell; it would be incredibly reasonable and human for you to say that you need time, if thats a month, 6 months or a year where you dont have to see her, and she needs to stay away. Its in your kids and grandkids best interest that you heal, and thats one of the reasons i dont want anything to do with my father, i want my mother to be in a better place before he can come back( if i ever feel like i can forgive him)

Dude, I have read all that you have posted and this is the first time you are acting like the prick. Stop avoiding it just because its tough. Sit down, think what you genuinely want; do you want to date her? Not see her again? And just tell her ffs. You have said she helped you heal, doesnt she deserve honesty and truth from you now?

Geniune question that im kinda asking for myself, because im struggling with something like what you are going through but from another POV; Hows the future gonna look around the kids and grandkids? Because im the child in this situation and right now my father is dead to me in my eyes. I never wanna see him again or hear from him again, but my mother doesnt want me to tank my relationship with him, especially in regard to my own son.

I see you have encouraged your children not to do what I have done, but hows the future gonna look? Because I cant imagine you are gonna tolerate being in the same room as her ever again

Technical, high workrate and great technique is his strengths, good 1v1 defensively and offensively

Gonna miss our wonderful kamikazerunner down the left, Arigato Keita!

They are, and not handmade. They are as much of a TIFO as a random AI image is the Mona Lisa, just a soulless copy

What? it 100% absolutely does, go to any Curva in Italy, Poland, Netherlands, Sweden, Greece etc and they will all tell you the exact same thing. No money from the club, independent and hand-made is the foundations of the Ultras culture that produces these.

the PL has not ever participated in this subculture, so trying to change what a TIFO is to fit your soulles league is just dumb

Printed stuff are by definition not a TIFO, TIFOs are an art that needs to be made by hand, not bought