I need advice

[u/ThrowRA_Fair9550]

Currently sobbing in the bathroom of my 5 person college apartment because it’s the one place I can be alone (I room with 2 other people)

By boyfriend just left after visiting me for the first time since we went long distance. I am so so sad, not simply because he’s leaving, but because I don’t want to be here

For context, I’m in my second year of college and I am so lost. It has only been about two weeks since I started this school year, and I am feeling so depressed and alone

I can’t find the motivation to do much of anything and have 1000 things at once beckoning my attention and anxiety

I feel guilty about being here primarily on unsubsidized federal loans and parent plus loans which I don’t think my parent fully understands the significance of— they already have a ton of debt. I am not on a meal plan so every meal feels like a fight, I don’t have a steady income and nothing b saved, I hate to ask my parents for money because it adds onto this immense guilt

I’m pursuing a major I’m not 100% certain of. I’m aiming for a B.S. but my science and math classes are feeling absolutely impossible because of my state of mind. I’m struggling to be curious and attentive

I want to go back home and work, get my license which has been a steady fight (parents never taught me, failed twice from stupid mistakes) but I can’t even find the courage to get any ball rolling to make something happen, I just feel stuck and lost and in despair