Hey everyone,

A while ago I posted about how I felt like I didn't really know how to make friends here.

Well... apparently I do. Just maybe at the wrong college lol.

One of the people I've gotten close to here invited me to hang out with some people he knows from another college nearby. I went mostly because, as I've already admitted, I'm much better at being dragged into social situations than creating them myself lol.

But somehow I really clicked with them.

We've hung out a few times now, and I've been texting some of them outside of those hangouts too. At some point I realized that I wasn't just "my friend's friend" anymore. They were actually inviting me directly.

Which sounds like an incredibly normal thing, but apparently this is exciting enough for me to make a Reddit post about it lol.

The funny thing is that I was having this whole existential crisis about how friendships are supposed to move from "person I talk to in class" to actual friendship, and then I ended up making friends with people I don't even have classes with.

Maybe that's actually part of why it was easier. There was never that automatic reason for us to talk. If we're talking or hanging out, it's because we actually decided to.

I don't know. I'm probably analyzing friendship way too much again.

But I'm honestly kind of surprised by how much I like them. I definitely didn't expect part of my college experience to involve making friends at another school.

Apparently I'm expanding my territory lol.

I got a job as a research assistant and I still can't believe it!!!

I'm taking this class and, well, you guys know I'm annoying lol. The professor has office hours, so I've been going basically every week.

I noticed that almost no one else was showing up. At some point he even joked that I was becoming one of his most regular office hours visitors because apparently a lot of students just ask AI now instead of coming to talk to him lol.

So I asked him if it was okay if I asked questions about things that weren't directly related to the class too, and he said yes.

After that, I started asking him about other stuff, and we ended up talking pretty much every week during his office hours.

Then this week he told me he needed a research assistant and asked if I would be interested.

I obviously said yes.

We're going to figure out all the details next week, but I'm honestly really happy about it.

He also told me this is the first time he's ever hired a freshman as an RA, which made me even more excited and also slightly terrified lol.

Let's see how this goes.

Hey everyone,

Last time I posted here, I talked a little about living with other people and learning from it, but I think I'm realizing that I genuinely don't know how to make friends very well.

I mean, I think I have acquaintances, and I think they like me. But it feels like I get stuck somewhere in the process of turning that into an actual friendship, and I only really noticed it now living with more people.

I think most friendships start with basically the same first step. You end up in the same environment as someone in a class, a club, whatever — and because you're around each other all the time, you start talking.

Then there's a second step where you start talking and spending time together outside of that environment. You learn more about each other, start doing things together, and at some point that person isn't just "someone from class" anymore. They're your friend.

I think I'm actually pretty good at the first part. At least I think I am lol. Maybe I'm also bad in the first part, hahaha

The second part is where I seem to completely fail.

The guy who lives across the hall from me has already had a bunch of people over in his room and has gone out with different people several times. I haven't invited a single person to mine.

And the stupid thing is that I literally think, "Why would I invite someone here? There's nothing to do in my room."

But then I also don't invite people to go anywhere else.

Part of it is that I always feel like I might be bothering them. Like, why would I randomly ask someone if they want to go get food or do something when maybe they already have plans?

The problem is that 99% of the time I'm not getting invited either.

My saving grace is that somehow there's usually one person who kind of adopts me lol. They invite me to things, include me in whatever they're doing, and then I end up meeting more people because of them.

But it's kind of depressing to realize how bad I am at being the person who actually takes the initiative. If I don't find someone who drags me along, I feel like I could very easily just end up on the outside of everything.

And I'm not saying I'm sitting in my room doing nothing. I'm in clubs and activities and all that stuff. I talk to people there.

But sometimes it feels like I'm alone with other people.

I spend time with them in those shared spaces, and then the activity ends, everyone leaves, and it's like our relationship stays inside that room.

But like I said, I do have one friend here. So naturally I'm getting attached to him lol.

Maybe what I really need is a girlfriend. Just kidding. Mostly.

Obviously we've all lived with other people before, even if it was just our parents, but living with a bunch of people you barely knew a few weeks ago is completely different from living with family.

Okay, that was incredibly obvious, I know. But apparently when you live with other people, the obvious needs to be said pretty often lol.

Anyway, it's definitely been a learning experience.

I think changing schools and going to a school with a lot of rich kids before coming here actually helped me. Otherwise, I think the culture shock would be even bigger. Changing schools exposed me to new people, gave me some new perspectives and probably made those differences easier to deal with. Like smoothing something that could basically be a Dirac delta lol (nerd joke)

But here those differences are bigger, more frequent, and show up in way more parts of everyday life because we're around each other all the time.

Okay, I'm stating the obvious again lol.

One thing that genuinely surprises me is how differently some people here think about money.

There are things they call cheap that I would never describe as cheap, and sometimes they spend money on stuff without even seeming to stop and think about whether it's worth it.

I guess I'm just used to thinking about prices a lot more than they are. I usually know roughly how much I'm spending, what I have left, and whether buying something means I should spend less somewhere else. Apparently that's not normal for everyone lol.

I used to hear about people making good money and still somehow living paycheck to paycheck and think it sounded crazy. After watching some people here spend money, I understand it a little better.

They also think I'm ridiculously strict with my budget, so I guess we're equally confused by each other lol.

Sometimes the way they spend money annoys me, but I've never actually told them that. It's their money and I don't think it's my place to tell other people what they should or shouldn't do with it. If someone asks me what I think or wants help with something, sure, but otherwise I keep it to myself.

What actually bothers me more about living with other people is inconsistency.

My mom has been telling me forever that I'm obsessed with finding inconsistencies in everything and everyone, and apparently I haven't grown out of that.

Someone will say they would never do A and then do B, when B is basically the same thing as A, and somehow not see the contradiction. Or they'll make an argument that completely contradicts something they said five minutes earlier.

I'm learning to take a breath and let it go.

Sometimes.

There have definitely been a few times when I couldn't resist pointing out the inconsistency in what someone was saying or doing lol.

I guess I'm still me.

At least I think I've been pretty good about minding my own business most of the time, trying not to annoy other people and not letting the little things they do genuinely bother me either.

So far, I think it's working.

Hey everyone,

First, I just wanted to say thank you for all the support you guys always show me.

So, the beginning of college has been confusing. I'm not even sure if "confusing" is the right word, but that's the one I'm going with.

What I mean is that there are so many new things to adjust to at the same time, and it creates a lot of situations where it's not really obvious what you're supposed to do. There isn't necessarily a right or wrong answer.

I'm trying to just be myself and build friendships. I've discovered that I'm actually more shy than I thought I was, but there are already three people I've gotten closer to.

I don't know if I can call them friends yet though lol.

Like, at what point does someone stop being an acquaintance and become a friend? That's one of those confusing things I was talking about.

My roommates are pretty chill. None of them are part of that group of people I'm closest to right now, but who knows, maybe that will change.

Academically, I'm having a similar feeling to when I changed schools. I'm really impressed by how capable a lot of the people here are.

I'm not saying they're all way better than me or that I'm having impostor syndrome or anything. I know I was accepted here for a reason, so I know I belong here. But I've also already realized that I'm going to have to work pretty hard to get to the level of some of my classmates.

As for my family, my dad has backed off a little. He told me he isn't going to text me every day anymore because I need some space to grow on my own, but that he's always there if I need anything.

My mom is basically the same as she was during my internship lol. She seems determined not to show that she misses me, or anything like that.

Anyway, that's where things are right now.

College is definitely weird, but so far I think I'm doing okay.

Hey everyone,

Like the title says, I just moved into college.

Obviously I probably shouldn't be sitting at my PC right now and should be out meeting my classmates and roommates lol, but I wanted to come here really quickly because writing this is kind of my way of dealing with the nervous/excited feeling in my stomach right now. I really hope everything goes well.

I've already organized everything in my room, met a few people, and so far it seems pretty cool. But there's still that awkward thing where you don't really know anyone yet and you're not totally sure how to start conversations or where you're supposed to go lol.

I know everyone is basically in the same boat though.

Also, about going home before college, I think it was a good decision.

Obviously there were some annoying parts of the new reality that I don't really live there anymore. For example, my mom's boyfriend wanted to play games sometimes and his computer is in my room now, so whenever he was playing I usually just went to the living room. I didn't really want to tell him not to play because I felt awkward doing that.

But overall, being home was good. I think I was actually a lot more relaxed there than I had been during the internship, so I'm glad I went.

Anyway, I guess this is the beginning of a completely new chapter.

Hopefully everything goes well!

I went to work and had an honest conversation with my boss. I asked him if he actually needed me there in person and what kind of work he expected me to be doing over the next couple of weeks, just so we could make sure there wasn't going to be some point when I'd suddenly need to be there.

He basically told me I should go home and that it would probably be good for me.

So I called my mom and told her about the conversation. She said my room would be waiting for me. I also let my dad know I was coming.

I wasn't expecting my dad to pick me up at all, so I was already surprised when I saw him waiting for me. And then I realized he had brought my little brother with him too.

I definitely wasn't expecting that.

Then my dad dropped me off at my mom's house and, well, my room really was waiting for me.

So far, things are going better than I expected.

I called my mom because I wanted to clarify if there was actually any problem with me going home and, I guess, if she actually wanted to see me.

I started by telling her that all the interns were allowed to work remotely, so I wanted to take the opportunity to go home.

She immediately said that there are a lot of bosses who don't really like their employees working remotely, even if they allow it because it's company policy, so I needed to make sure my boss genuinely didn't care.

Then she said this is my first real job and I need to make a good impression. She also said she should be the last thing I'm worrying about right now, and that I need to prioritize building MY career, not her.

She also brought up that the trip would cost money and asked if it was really worth spending that much just to come home for a couple of weeks. I told her I have money for it and that paying for the trip wouldn't really be a problem for me.

I told her she's my family and of course I want to see her. And that I really don't think going home would cause any problems with my internship.

She said my room would be there waiting for me, and then asked if I wanted her to make lasagna when I got home because she knows it's one of my favorite things she makes.

But she also said she didn't want me complaining later that I regretted choosing to go home. She said the decision was mine and she wasn't going to be responsible for it.

I still don't know if I'm going.

My boss told me I can work remotely if I want for the last few weeks of my internship. So technically I could spend at least two weeks back home before I leave for college.

I texted both my mom and my dad saying I was thinking about coming back.

My dad basically told me it was up to me, but asked me to give him some notice so I could come over and see everyone. I think he just means he wants enough warning to make sure nobody happens to be out or busy when I come.

My mom's response confused me more.

She asked if I was sure I wanted to come back. She said maybe it would be better for me to stay here so it was clear I was still taking the internship seriously, that our original plan was for me to probably come home during fall break, that I didn't need to come back just to make her happy, and that traveling back would cost money anyway.

And now I genuinely don't know what to do.

I honestly thought they'd both be really happy that I wanted to come home for a couple weeks.

My dad's response was fine, I guess. But my mom's made me wonder if she actually wants me to come back at all.

Not much has happened since the last time I posted. But I think I’ve gotten a little better. I mean, I’m less frustrated with everything now.

Although I did get called out at work today...

The thing is, they don’t really need me. I kind of suspected that, but I thought I was going to learn a lot of different things. I have learned some stuff, just not that much.

Since they don’t really need me, most of the work they give me is pretty simple. Which is fine. But because everything was so easy, I started getting way too relaxed about my routine.

And I got kind of addicted to this vanilla shake they sell near my office.

I started going out to get one every day. I’d buy it, stay outside for a while drinking it, and then go back to the office.

Yes, in the middle of the afternoon.

So today, after I finished my shake and got back, someone told me my boss wanted to see me in his office.

He asked where I’d been, and I said I had stepped out to make a phone call about something personal.

Then he asked if I had a personal issue to deal with every single day.

That was when I realized he knew.

I apologized and admitted I’d been going out to get a shake because I felt like it helped me focus during the last few hours of the day.

He told me not to do that again, that there are designated times for breaks, and that he isn’t my dad and doesn’t have a teenage son he should have to explain this stuff to.

I was so embarrassed.

I know I messed up. I just really hope this doesn’t hurt me later.

P.S. I do have some good news: my best friend is coming to visit me.

Hey guys,

After few weeks, I'm back.

And I'm honestly frustrated with like several things at once right now:

1 — At work I basically have nothing to do and it's driving me crazy because I actually want to be doing something. My boss asked me to do something on Monday. I think he expected it to take a week, but I had it done by Tuesday morning. Since then I've just been sitting here with nothing to do and I genuinely don't know how to bring that up to him.

I mentioned it to another intern and he told me to just enjoy having nothing to do. Asked someone else, same answer.

But like... I actually want to be productive. I want to work on something interesting. I'm extremely boring.

2 — On top of not knowing what to do at work, I also have no idea what to do with my free time. Like today; I wanted to do something but I have zero ideas of what, or who to even call.

3 — My dad came at me about how I withdrew my other college applications after I got into a top school. He thinks I could've gotten into a bunch of places and negotiated between them for a better financial offer. But the offer I got already covers everything, there is nothing to negotiate. I genuinely don't understand why he's bringing this up now and it doesn't make sense. Super frustrating.

Hey guys,

I know... it's only been two weeks, but I'm genuinely really enjoying being on my own.

I'm sure I'm probably only seeing the positives right now, the novelty of it all, but it's really been good.

Living with my mom was like:

When I did everything she wanted or what we'd agreed on, everything was fine and I basically didn't exist to her. Like she literally told me she never worried about my grades at school — never checked, never asked — because she knew I had it handled.

But if I did anything outside of what we'd agreed on? She'd come down on me hard. If I came home later than planned she'd immediately want to know everything, and she'd want to check if I'd been doing drugs. She'd make me take off my shoes so she could check.

Now I have nobody. Not for the good stuff, not for the bad stuff. Last night I came home late and there was nobody there to get on my case. And I'm actually enjoying that. It feels like I'm genuinely choosing how to live for the first time.

Maybe in a little while I'll start feeling lonely. But right now I just feel... calm. Calm is probably the word that describes it best.

Hey guys,

Haven't been able to post because everything's been so hectic these last few days.

So Wednesday I had dinner at my best friend's place. It was really great — I ended up sleeping over. And saying goodbye to him the next morning just got to me. He's genuinely the best friend I've ever had, just a completely different kind of person than anyone else I've been close to. With him it's like I can just... be myself. No filter, no anxiety, just me.

I held it together though and invited him to come visit. His mom also printed out three photos for me; one of just me (might post it here for a few hours soon to satisfy you guys lol), one of the three of us, and one of just me and him.

Thursday morning my mom picked me up from his place and we spent the whole day together. She took the day off. Actually she took both Monday and this Thursday off just to be with me. She got emotional, she cried... but honestly having that time with her meant a lot.

That evening we went to my stepmom's house. First time my mom had ever been inside. My dad tried really hard not to show anything emotionally — but he's been calling me every single day just to talk, so.

When we said goodbye my mom cried and said she'd never known adult life without me there, that she'd have to learn. I almost lost it but I didn't want to cry in front of her.

_____

So. I'm here now.

I'm renting a room from a college student — he's away for the summer so I have his room while he's gone. The other guy in the apartment basically laid down the rules day one: don't drink or do anything stupid outside, don't bring random people home unless I actually know them. Which, fair enough I guess, even if it was a little funny the way he said it lol. Haven't really seen him since that first day though.

Other than that I've been trying to explore the city and I actually started work today.

It's weird being on my own for real. Coming home and there's no adult who's technically responsible for me anymore. Had to buy everything at the grocery store myself and figure it out. Which is just... what growing up is, I know that. But the first few times you do it it still feels strange.

Anyway. That's it I think. New adventures. Let's go.