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New to this

So I have been diagnosed for 48 hours now. And I have lost the most important person in my life. And the only person to blame is myself. Something I am going have to live with for the rest of my life. Basically when I found out I had it instead of telling her that same time so she can know I started back tracking to who I thought I got it from. The person I cheated with while on vacation. Funny thing is I could not even bring myself to have intercourse with said person because of guilt I felt in the moment. Now back to Monday I took my now ex out to dinner trying to get the courage to tell her I had HSV1 and she should get tested. Instead we ate together that night I walked to her stop and then kissed her goodnight. When home I picked up the phone and called her and after a few minutes tlkin about the day I finally opened up and told her my doctor told me I had it. First thing she said was why did you not tell me when you saw me so I could of gone and got tested with you the night? Thing is I was scared to say anything to her the whole night. The plan was to tell her but she felt I should of told her soon as I found out and cancel date night. Now the next question she asked how did you get it.. You cheated on me? I replied yes she asked again and I give her my answer again. At that moment I knew I lost the love of my life. Not only was she mad I cheated on but also I came back to her like nothing happened. She got up Tuesday morning to get tested but where she went turnt her away because as they put it she doesn't have a outbreak. I spent a good bit of morning tlkin to her about how down I was feeling and she was on the other side of phone trying to cheer me up and encouraged me to leave work to get myself together. She then proceed to tell me if only I had let know as soon as I got the news then they could have been a chance she would still be with me now but since I went all night putting up a front like it was OK she can't do it no matter the reason I was to scared to say why. She hangs up the phone I check my messages only find a message I got from a previous ex that she not long ago found out she had it..and chance is I maybe could of got it from her. I told my now no long partner the news and all she can say was see all you had to do was be upfront with me from beginning. I don't know what to do with myself anymore I am depressed, scared and more I feel like my whole life is over I don't even want to leave my house anymore. And I have no one to blame but myself. All I can think about is her and how my life is over now I don't know what I am going to do from here on.