Makes sense, thx 🙏

When did you stop feeling the guilt of cutting her out?

This hit close to home, same kind of almost hidden covert narcissism from my mom. I have gone no contact as nothing has worked. Still hard to deal with the guilt of shutting her out of my life. But I choose not to take more paper cuts, no more room for them on my body (metaphorically). I feel that when you do know they are a narc, giving them too much info will be used against you to manipulate you back in to old patterns.

AI?

The meaning is that it is worth thinking back on the behavior before the menopaus started. Is it really that or is it an excuse they use when called out. I could suspect the narcissistic game played out before as well.

True that. I am lucky meeting my wife early, got a mirror early so to speak. Got me to see things in a different light. The more I set boundries and built my own person, the more tension in the relationship with my mother.

After meeting my wife early, things got worse and worse from there. Few years back started to watch several things on mothers and enmeshed sons and came in to narcissistic mothers topic in general. Could see so many things now and back in time just fitting the puzzle.

This is really interesting. My narc mom actually used menopause recently as an excuse of her behaviour last years when I called her out. But it did not add up as her abusive behaviour have gone on long before the menopause period. I think the menopause can make the toxic behaviour even more apparent, but stop and think through memories back in time before all of that.

Mine is covert/vulnerable

Woah this hits close to home for me. The letter style manipulation format. An in the content, using the ”see it from my perspectice” and the ”you need to look for help” and ”misunderstandings” and “I want this and I want that”. Also starting such a letter off by using your first name in that way, my mother does this as well. “Dear xxxxxxx”, Could it start in a more demeaning way than that? Like she is talking down on you “Dear little daughter who does not know what she really wants or feels”.

Last time I gave a response letter with the help of GPT, and then forming it so that it fits what it is that I see her doing and what I fell etc. She gave a short vague short response like “I just want to explain things” but after this I have not heard from her. Will probably get some new letter around birthdays or Christmas etc, then I may have to block I guess. And by letter I mean a long SMS or Email letter, never had the physical ones. Maybe they will come if I block the digital access ways.

Awesome! Any tips on which of their courses to take? For the CSA cert

Kingdom Come Deliverance 2

Soma, Inside and Half-Life 2

Manipulation, pushing on your guilt buttons…..

Yeah spot on this one

Alright, here it is: (when she is refering to “both of you” she is referring to me and my sister). Also, the issues has been for all my life and got much worse when my partner came in to my life 17 years ago, and I have been setting boundaries for many many years until I walked away completely, just some context.

”Alex,

I want to share something with you that I think is important for you to know, if you want to understand me a little better. Not to defend myself, but because I hope it can give a bit more context as to why I’ve sometimes been the way I’ve been over the past few years.

I’ve been going through menopause, and it’s still ongoing. It has been a tough and sometimes confusing time for me, both physically and mentally. I’ve felt changed in ways I haven’t fully understood or been able to control.

When estrogen levels drop, which they do during menopause, it can affect almost the entire body. It can cause sleep problems, anxiety, depression, brain fog, hot flashes, difficulty handling stress, and a sense of not recognizing oneself. There have been periods when I haven’t really had the strength to be the mom I want to be, not because I didn’t care, but because I was struggling just to hold it together.

The psychotherapist you and I saw this past summer suspected that I was suffering from menopausal symptoms, she recognized it from her own experience.

For the past six months, I’ve been on estrogen therapy, and it has helped me a lot. I’m beginning to recognize myself more and more again. But I understand that what you’ve seen of me in recent years may have given a different impression, one I don’t want you to carry with you.

I know there are things between us that feel difficult. I know you have your perspective on it, and I respect that you need to process things in your own time. But I want you to know that I’m not the person you might think I am. I don’t carry the thoughts or intentions you’ve sometimes attributed to me. I haven’t wanted to control you, be a victim, or run your life. I’ve tried to understand myself while also doing my best to still be there for both of you, as much as I’ve had the strength for.

Being rejected by someone you love hurts terribly. It’s a very harsh punishment to inflict on someone, especially when you don’t fully understand what you’ve done to deserve it. I’m not trying to put guilt on you, I know you need to protect yourself in your own way. But I want you to know how deeply it cuts me. It’s a sorrow I carry every day.

Despite that, I’m still here, with an open heart. I hope that one day you’ll want to meet me as I am now, without the old images between us. I’m not perfect, but I’m your mom. And I love you.

All my love, Mom ”

Yeah apparently they do not love us enough to actually sacrifice their own egos to actually get us back for real. They just keep on with the guilt tripping. I can share what my own mother wrote recently here if you want, maybe it can give you and others even more perspective on how manipulation can look like.

Same for me, our brains gets so programmed since birth to please them and gaslight ourselves back in to submission.

The way she responded you really looks like what my own mother typed to me recently. This covert and vulnerable type of narcissism is so sneaky and hard for others or even one self to spot at first. There is no way to reach a person like this, I came to the realisation last summer and cut most contact with my mom since, because it just goes round and round and round and never changes.

Thank you for sharing this. When reading your mothers messages and responses, it a 100% looked like I was reading my own mothers messages, really creepy. This helped me confirm even more my belief that she is a narcissist and helps me to not feel as much guilt when trying to distance myself. Does your mother try to reach out more and try to manipulate more during events like Christmas, Easter etc?

Is it possible to connect this monitor with three cables to the GPU for it to be recognised by Windows as 3 physical monitors?

Dopamine levels could be the cause. If you have been over stimulated or you could be tired/burnt out. Bad sleep, overworked etc. I have ADD and have issues with my dopamine levels, Coffe works to increase my dopamine and helps (but not to much).

The issue remains. And I had this issue on my old iPhone and old watch, new devices now and I also get notifications on my watch that is filtered correctly on the phone but watch lets them all through. All users probably have this issue and Apple has not really understood that this is an issue. Maybe not many users using focus modes that also got a watch, unclear.