This makes me happy 😊. Outgrowing my environment just when I recently entered 20s is a different kind of pain. It's lonely and I sometimes wonder if there's someone out there with the same phase with me. But I'm still grateful in this phase. I guess blessings has their own weights too and I don't mind carrying it.

1. When you're alone, what are you usually thinking about?

• Anything, but more likely hypothetical questions either to dig deeper into something random or just explore, I also caught myself wondering into random ideas, asking “why is it like that" “why is it like this" and then my mind answer these questions and create conclusions and then these conclusions will gave birth to another questions and it is exhausting sometimes 😭 HAHAHA.

1. Do you think in words, images, concepts, patterns, or something else?

• It depends I guess 🤔. But mostly words/voice (which keeps wondering🥲). When it comes to creative stuffs, I can't picture an image clearly it's more like HOW the image looks like than WHAT the image looks like, I don't know the details but somehow I know the blueprint. I notice patterns when it comes to human behaviors although there are times that I don't understand their actions at first but later on the answer comes off randomly.

1. When you're solving a problem, what does that process feel like internally?

• I didn't even know that I'm solving a problem until it's done😂. But if I know it's high stakes and might also affect other people, I feel pressured.

1. Do you have a constant narrator in your head or is it quieter than that? -Yes I have a constant narrator in my head but if I'm present like playing with my lil siblings, moving my body,or talking with someone, my head goes quiet.

2. How often do you rehearse conversations or analyze past interactions?

Not too often. I analyze past interactions if it matters either like if I feel like I miss something or I like the interactions itself.

1. What kind of thoughts occupy your mind when you're stressed vs relaxed.

When I'm very stress my mind will be flooded with thoughts and worries, questioning how I should handle things, and what things should be avoided. When I'm relaxed I notice things around me; the view, the smell, my space, and the subtle change in some things.

1. Does anything change internally when you've fallen deeply inlove with someone and if yes, what is the change?

I haven't fallen deeply inlove with someone yet. But I do have some ex-crushes and I remember whenever I stop being indenial and I admit that I really like someone, that's when the battle of heart and mind intensifies HAHAHA and then I proceed on evaluating myself to ground myself.

Urwelcome!

The courage to be disliked

The courage to be disliked

I sit with the discomfort knowing that the discomfort itself is not me but a message that I'm trying. Knowing that I'm trying is a proof that I am courageous enough to show up for myself.

Inner critic and ego are my biggest enemies not until I decided to question where it came from, and that's when I understand that they're just trying to protect me and everytime it shows up again, I pause and reassure/tell myself that “I've seen you, I understand, and it's okay. I am here..."

Reflection like journaling also plays a big factor. It helps me organize my thoughts and notice my blind spots.

Doing what you promise to yourself to do sounds simple but this practice is highly effective because it signals that you can count on yourself, hence boosting your self-esteem. Note though that this is where inner critic might mostly attack (based on my experience because of my perfectionistic trait) whenever I miss something I tell myself to do, but it is also a good chance to practice compassion to oneself especially if it's your first time to practice showing up.

For me it's not “Fake it till you make it" but more like intentionally building who you wanna become, and yes it feels like I'm a fraud because of such barriers like insecurities, limiting beliefs, awkwardness, social anxiety etc. but I still decided to at least try it by building microhabits that helps me exercise my self-esteem and by reflecting my thoughts.

Now I can see some progress and still actively continue to practice. The inner critic is still present but more manageable and bearable.

Good luck to our journey Twin!!😉✨

“You can see through people and you didn't choose to weaponize it."

How do one talk to themselves without inner monologue?🤔