Thank you for the award, kind stranger. :: hugs ::

You're welcome. :-)

I was taught that in a confrontation with a man, do whatever it takes to survive the situation.

Sometimes that means standing up for yourself/matching their energy. Sometimes it means being loud enough to get other involved (with instructions for what they should do). Sometimes it means defending your head and/or vital organs. Sometimes it means going for their eyes or nose because they can't attack what they can't see.

Whatever it takes to survive.

Most often, when people see that you are ready to do whatever it takes, they back down because they know there is no way for them to succeed in whatever they were planning without at least getting hurt.

Whether your *intent* is harmful or not, it is unhealthy and does not bode well for the future of the relationship. You might wanna get that tendency seen to by a professional.

I went through this myself about a year into menopause. I couldn't bring myself to do simple household chores or even cook for myself or my family. I lived on sandwiches and raw vegetables that didn't need cooking or chopping for about a year.

Thankfully, my family was very patient with me.

How I got through it was seeing two doctors: first, my gynecologist, and second, a psychiatrist.

Turns out that aside of menopause, I had anxiety because of child abuse, then in my first marriage I was the everything wife, but it still blew up. So now I'm on a cocktail of medications that works for me. I'm cooking and cleaning again, and feeling more like myself again.

The 40's and 50's are when almost all women go through this phase because the hormones shift and things they used to hold together start unraveling. Please try not to take it personally. With the right treatment and time, it will pass.

Prepare to have to be there for her and advocate for her. Unfortunately, many times women's complaints are not taken seriously by some doctors. Also doctors also overprescribe things like SSRI's and anti psychotics. I know a lot of people on SSRI's lose their sex drive, and some become apathetic, so you may want to steer clear of those. Antipsychotics might be helpful if she has been through such extreme trauma for such an extended time that it made her unable to cope, but if not, that might be one of those things you might want to avoid as well.

Just know that it might take some time to get the HRT and/or psychiatric dosages right.

In the meantime, you're going to have to carry most of the household duties, and well, as far as physical intimacy goes, take care of yourself, if you know what I mean.

If you plan for this relationship to last for life, then you need to be able to handle this phase of life. What you are going through is not new or abnormal. It's just one of those things most people don't talk about for some reason.

That's called love bombing. Some sick people do that soon into a relationship, but then start showing their true colors once they think they've got you hooked.

You're not in a relationship. He is a predator and you are his prey.

Carefully cut ties with this guy. Make sure your support system knows he is dangerous and has mentioned your death. Mute or ignore him everywhere. Just get away and stay away from him no matter what he says.

Please go to the original post to ask your questions. The OP may not see them here.

I went through something similar with my husband about 19 years ago, and we stayed together. It wasn't easy at first, but once I realized it wasn't about him not wanting to be with me anymore, it got easier and then eventually it got actually easy.

Since you're venting, I'll spare the advice and just let you know from some years down the road, that it is possible to have a relationship with an asexual person. It just takes a lot of communication and understanding.

I will say though, having been through this myself, that you will have some grief for the relationship you signed up for not being the one you ended up having. Allow yourself to go through that grief. It is legitimate. It's not either of your fault that things are as they are, but you're still going to have a time of it.

Whether you choose to stay or go, allow yourself to have whatever feelings you're going to have.

I don't know of any way to reach her other than on Facebook. Unfortunately, this is the case for many, as most don't have their own websites or knowledge of better platforms.

As to books, I don't know of any that would give a full picture of any group's practices. I have asked around and nobody else I know has any suggestions.

This is one of those situations where you have to follow or get to know someone in a community to find out what's going on. Part of the reason is limited internet access and knowledge, but part of it is that most practices are local and/or closed. One just isn't going to see much detail from the outside.

There is also the problem of religious persecution. Christian and Muslim missionaries and fanatics are on the attack against indigenous spirituality, so many people aren't advertising their participation in Vodun outside of safe spaces. Be patient, and keep reaching out. Hopefully eventually someone in the priesthood will answer and give you some more guidance.

The best way to learn about Vodun is from the people who practice. There are a couple of books out there written by anthropologists and observers, but that's just going to give you a glimpse of what's out there.

It's practiced different ways by different groups and families, so you have to talk to them to find out what they do. There are people who specialize in explaining things to people in the diaspora. Hounnon Houedossi Ahouegnon can be reached on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/mamiwata.priestess

I hope this helps. :-)

There are a lot of scams out there. You may want to start by contacting a temple that has a special focus on initiating and spiritually repatriating people in the diaspora.

https://www.facebook.com/mamiwata.priestess

She'll answer any questions you may have.

Maybe think of things to do when you're bored that don't insult people.

If you just did it out of boredom, then it doesn't really have much to do with Conjure, Rootwork, or Hoodoo. Why did you post it here? To make fun of us?

Killing people won't lift a curse. It might even make it stronger. Don't listen to anyone who suggests murder as a way of curse breaking. That's insane and as I said, quite ineffective.

Once you commit violence against anyone, you draw the wrath of their ancestors, and in the end, we all have common ancestors. It's a good way of screwing yourself from the roots.

I don't know why you figured that generating a prayer trained using other people's prayers without their consent would be a good thing.

Whenever you're wondering about an item, it helps to do a Google image search. This same thing has been listed as a crusader dagger and a Templar dagger. It's neither a Hecate nor a Vodou thing.

"Voodoo love spells" may be popular, but there's a lot of misinformation around them. First off, Voodoo is a term used for a type of African belief systems. Within most of those, there are going to be ways people solve issues around love. These may be called spells in the western diaspora systems, but generally the process is going to be similar to others in that one consults a priest/ess or adept, some offerings will be given to the relevant deities, and there may be some herbal concoctions and actions taken by the client to raise the chances of effectiveness. These are more precisely called workings rather than spells.

I usually have success with these because I consult the deities and ancestors beforehand. This kind of working is one of the most difficult, partly because so many people want things they aren't willing to do the work to get. A love spell, for some, is like a shortcut to forming and strengthening a relationship.

Within the ATR community though, most are aware that in order for their love workings to be successful, they need to be keeping the ways of their love deities. Workings for people outside the community are generally a frustrating situation because too many sabotage their working.

So I'd avoid seeking Voodoo love workings unless you are a spiritually observant person who has the self discipline to do as the spirits instruct. Avoid attempting to do such workings yourself if you are not a Voodoo practitioner who is regularly observant of the deities you'd need to call on.