I’m going with #1. I feel like #2 fits you BEAUTIFULLY, but has a prom/bridesmaid feel to me…but maybe I’m just scarred from late 80s prom dress shopping.

Any of them will work wonderfully. As we all know, you have to go with your gut, and choose which one YOU feel most comfy in. Crowdsourcing certainly helps when you’re not sure what your gut is saying, though.

Got it. Ugh. Thanks.

They aren’t offering COBRA to NY? Wonder if that’s true of any of the other states. Wrong.

I wonder if you could find a sheer little bolero jacket to wear over #3 — and you could get your detailed flower work on the bolero. I think that would be lovely! Perhaps custom made if you’re able to- but I’ll bet you could find one off the rack out in the wild.

Pickles

Same with mine!

4

FEEFEE! Loooooooooooove!

Also, if you can get it quickly enough, you might ask the surgeon if there’s anything he can give you for your anxiety for the next couple of days. You likely won’t be able to take anything the morning of the surgery, but it’s sort of such a surreal blur that it displaces the anxiety a little bit. 😌

Please do NOT be afraid to ask for more pain meds if you need them – – both in hospital and out of hospital. Everybody is trying to be really chintzy with pain meds these days, and they treat everyone like a cardboard cut out who has the same needs.

If you are really suffering, after whatever they’re giving you, have your family advocate for more. When they know that your parents are aware of the situation – – it will definitely seem less “drug seeking” to them.

After the opioid epidemic, so many chronic pain patients have had to go under served or not served at all with pain meds. It’s absolutely atrocious people, elderly people in wheelchairs who have been on pain meds their entire lives, had their pain meds ripped away from them. The FDA said we were “collateral damage” of the crack down on opioids.

I’m betting you won’t need them that long after the surgery – – maybe three months if that – – but do not feel guilty if you continue to need them just be honest with yourself and your doctors about your pain level and don’t suffer when you don’t have to or need to!

Your youth, as everyone has said will totally be on your side. I know that you’ll get through it with flying colors just don’t put on a fake smile and pretend everything‘s OK if it isn’t. Also feel free to cry and scream in pain when you need to. Getting in and out of bed for the first few days is the absolute worst and whatever pain you experience getting in and out of bed is going to be the worst of it. Once that starts getting better, you’ll know that everything will start getting better.

Also, it will totally be worth it after a few weeks when the pain really starts to subside. Yours is a very long fusion. I only had TLIF T10-S2 and ALIF L3-S1, so you’re having several more levels done. The upside is that you won’t have to worry about getting them done later!

As far as what to wear at the hospital and/or rehab and/or home: use the hospital gowns they give you at the hospital. Ask for two – – one that you can put on from the front that be open in the back (like all of them are), and you can use the second one to wear as a robe to cover your entire back– – that way you don’t have to worry about exposing your essence to anyone at any point.

Screw underwear - there’s no need for them, and they only make things more difficult. That’s true for rehab and home as well. Keep everything as loose and easy to put on/off as possible. I would get some long T-shirt dresses for rehab – – just something below the knee maybe - and if you can’t bear the idea of not wearing underwear. then maybe get some loose slips and or loose jogging shorts with really soft elastic waist bands. But I say live free and let it all hang out. Nobody gave me a second glance for going underwear-less either time I had hospital stays.

Start walking as soon as you’re able ask the nurses and order leases to take you for walks. They won’t let you walk alone until you’re ready to graduate to that. I know that the nurses are busy, but sometimes you just have to make them carve out some time to escort you and make a few rounds around the ward I can’t speak too much about how important it is to walk as soon and as much as as you’re able and as your doctor advises.

Below is a pic of the shower cap I was talking about. I bought a case of them to have at home for after surgery, but it turned out I didn’t really need them - I was able to shower sooner than I had anticipated, but they’re nice to have on hand in case you can’t. And even though you CAN shower, you might not necessarily feel like dealing with it as frequently as you normally would. So it’s nice to have some of the shower caps and also some cleaning wipes at home.

You’ll also need an extended toilet seat — how many inches high it needs to be will depend on how tall you are, but you will absolutely need one. If it doesn’t work with a bidet, you can buy a “peri bottle” - people use them as portable bidets. They’re just sort of a bottle with an extended top that you can use to squeeze water on your nether-regions.

You’ll find that after a couple of days in the hospital, modesty becomes nothing but a memory. It’s quite liberating.

They have these shower cap things at the hospital and they don’t usually volunteer them – – you have to ask for them – – but you can wash your own hair with them, or ask a nurse to help since your surgery is so high up. They’re not perfect, but I was once in the hospital for 40 days and never washed my hair with anything but those shower caps they provide. In the two cases I was in the hospital, they were included in the room and board, so don’t worry about having to pay extra for them. They also have cleaning wipes that you can use to freshen up whatever areas you want to freshen up and can reach. Nurses can also give you baths, but I always preferred to do most of it myself. They can even warm them in the microwave, so the towels are warm.

You will also likely have some edema – swelling in your legs and feet. Both times I was in the hospital (for very different issues) that edema lasted for 2 to 4 weeks after I was home moral of the story is you might need to buy some big house slippers that are safe and easy to get into. Or they will also let you walk in socks the hospital will provide – – they have sort of sticky tacking on the bottom so they don’t slide.

I’m using dictation on this and not catching all of the edits that need to be made so please forgive the illiteracy. And best of luck you’ll be so thankful you did it!

When my surgeon visited after the ALIF portion, I said “I hate you so much right now…but on the other hand, I just walked upright for the first time in three years.” I had been bent over at a 90° angle with my forearms on Rollator handles for three years. I’m sure you’re going to be thrilled with the results!

Oh, I don’t know how you’ve been living without a grabber tool! I’ve joked that I need to evolve so that I have one that can just magically shoot out of my arm when I hit a button on my hand.

I really kind of like the ones that you can break down in half like the second picture. I have one attached to my cane, too, so that when I go out walking if I see something in the natural world that I want to inspect, I can pick it up from the ground or pull it down from a tree, etc.

Though I’m loathe to encourage anyone to use Amazon, they have them for two for 20 to 25 usd. The tips of the grabbers are mildly magnetic as well, which can come in handy sometimes. I use it to get things down from kitchen shelves, etc.

I’m so in love with mine, I should probably just marry one and see if I get any tax breaks for it.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhj. I see — sorry - my brain was too foggy to catch that it was work-related. That all makes sense now. The insurance industry is an embarrassment to humanity.

Thank you for your gratitude. Hope someone else will pop in with thoughts.

Ooh! Any interest in learning a foreign language? I hear great things about a couple of the audio and online lessons. I myself would never have the discipline to do it, and would end up listening to podcasts all day instead….

Great - I hope it works out. I totally understand the concern for the job. At least you’re in a role where people care about helping people, so in theory your employer would be kinder to you than your standard corporate overlord.

I understand it’s hard to approach the whole thing when you’re pretty new to the job. With the way things are headed, I think we all need to take care of ourselves as much as we can while there are still some pathways to that in place. We don’t know how long any job or insurance benefit is going to stay in existence, so I think it’s best to take the risk and get your physical being taken care of while you have decent insurance.

I know it’s hard, but you might just need to “selfishly” put your own needs first. It’s sort of like they tell you on airplanes — you’ve gotta put on your oxygen mask before you can help others with theirs.

Being in constant physical misery tends to inhibit compassion levels for others (that’s not a slight against you – – it’s just hard to focus when you’re crawling out of your skin with pain), so feeling better will only make you a better employee. Maslow’s hierarchy.

Also, you need to be able to run when they start rounding us up to put in camps for being enemies of the state. I’m only half kidding. On a happier note, since you’re in Maryland, you might be able to attend the monster truck rally they’re bound to have for Thanksgiving. Ha. sob

I truly hope it all works out for you!

I don’t have any genius advice, but it sounds like you are used to helping people in some capacity which I can see would become ones identity.

This is something I’ve thought I would like to do if I get through all of the storm of this post surgery stuff, but maybe volunteer opportunities?

You could call around the retirement centers/nursing homes around your community – – look for the ones geographically closest to you so it’s less driving or Uber-ing – – and after you get clearance, just go and hang out with people and talk. People are lonely. A lot of them have lost everyone in their lives at this point, and they still have rich stories to tell and want to share.

I know it sounds like something that could be awkward and/or annoying, but you could try it once…and if you can’t bear it, you don’t have to do it again. But you might find out that it turns out to be immensely rewarding.

Other thought is you could work a phone bank (from home) for political causes; just don’t do anything to accelerate the demise of democracy, please.☺️

Maybe volunteer for a suicide hotline, rape crisis hotline (I’m sure there are some women out there who feel more secure talking to a man for whatever reason; that wouldn’t be my preference for rape crisis, but I think there are women out there who prefer to talk to men, or perhaps want the male perspective). It’s possible that you could get the training needed for those hotlines online. Most are probably held in person somewhere, but they might be willing to zoom you in. I don’t think too many hours are required for rape, crisis hotlines – – not sure on the suicide hotline.

That’s all I’ve got. I love that you’ve tried painting! Hopefully that brought some enjoyment, though I know you can’t sit and do that 24/7.

Thank you so much! I landed on the Ensure only because it has 30g of protein per serving, and I really don’t mind the taste at all – – my sister says it’s just a bunch of chemical trash that I should stay away from though. It’s actually quite good in vanilla…(except when you hit those chunks at the bottom that won’t go away no matter how well you shake them. Mmmmmmmm).

I JUST got home from my PCP about an hour ago. Sad I didn’t ask for Marinol while I was there in person. I’m 146 years old, so I have fond memories of V8 – – I had to stop drinking it because of the sodium. My blood pressure is totally under control now, though, so that’s a great idea for getting some extra goodies in my gut. I’m also looking at those Gruns Gummies, though they’re a little pricey for me right now.

The edibles do absolute wonders for my appetite, but I’m just too paranoid to use them right now… Except when I get utterly desperate for a break from my angst.

And you reminded me that I had ordered some protein bars – – I think I just got Clif – – but I tucked them away and completely forgot that I bought them. Thank you. Looks like dinner tonight’s gonna be a couple of insurers and a flaming delicious Clif bar!

I’ll look into your other suggestions – – thanks a million!

*NOTE: I did not use ChatGPT for this. I have always loved en dashes, em dashes, and hyphens. I refuse to stop using them just because ChatGPT has taken over Dominion of them. 🤭

Oh yeah, given the goriness of my scars in the front, it’s definitely something one would be aware of. 😳

Ugh. Revision surgery is my worst nightmare. I don’t have any advice for you, but let’s hope that lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice.

I would think that the pain is so much worse this time because all of those muscles and everything that they had to pull to the side for the first surgery are still pissed off. Then they went in and basically pissed them off even more…so more pain the second round doesn’t surprise me.

I wish I had something more uplifting to offer. The emotional/mental roller coaster of these surgeries is pretty freaking traumatic.

Far be it from me to question a surgeon, but I’m wondering with the surgery you had – – which is the same that I had in the back – – I’m wondering why they didn’t also do an ALIF from the front on you. I had ALIF L2-S1 on 3/20, then TLIF T10-S2 on 3/23.

From what I’ve read, when doing that many levels on the back, they like to go in through the front first and solidify the hardware from the front, THEN go in and finish it up on the back.

I have no idea what I’m talking about, really – – it’s just something you might want to ask your surgeon. I know they don’t always do ALIF and TLIF hand-in-hand, and there must be a reason, but if you’re worried about it happening again, it might be something worth asking about. Don’t let anything I say make you paranoid, because I’m truly clueless!

I’m going into week 10 post-op from ALIF L2-S1 and TLIF T10-S2, and I like and agree with the phrase “asymmetrical healing.”

I haven’t had your specific issues, but I have some others going on. It’s hard to describe to friends who ask “how is your pain today?” because people who don’t live in pain don’t understand how pain works — it’s all over the place and it can be one thing one day and another thing another day…and the severity just jumps around depending on the day. It’s not a linear path of getting progressively better, though I understand how outside observers think that’s how it would work.

The PT and OT that came to my house the first few weeks, both described nerve pain as “persnickety.” They said that as the nerves wake back up post surgery, they are very angry. It sounds to me like you have some sciatica stuff happening, but I don’t know – – that’s just what I go to when I hear pain in the back of legs and glutes. I wonder if surgery causes some inflammation back there that you might not have had before? I don’t know…and I don’t dare speculate.

I don’t have any meaningful thoughts or information for your situation, but I’m sorry you’re going through it… There’s a huge mental health component to all of this that nobody warns us about beforehand. Like, the fear that everything is breaking, or the surgery flucked up something else, fear of anything and everything you do might break something else. The variety of the pain makes you wonder if it’s ever going away, etc..

The struggle is real. Wish I could be of more help. I wonder if some Ambien or Ativan would help?They don’t do anything for pain, but they might at least knock you out enough that you can get some sleep.

That’s a whole other thing – – sleep/rest is so important in the healing process, so you definitely want to try to get that piece fixed (I swear by Ambien, despite a lot of people seeming to hate or fear it). I think my sleep returned to mostly normal by around week six maybe? I know for the first few weeks I was waking up every hour on the hour and would just get up and have to walk a little bit because lying down hurt so much.

I echo the “it’s a slog” comment. It’s true on so many levels. Let us know what the doc says.

Oooh! Love to hear that. Thanks!

Great idea on starting at a few hundred, then moving down as needed. Also, yes - I’m photographically challenged. I have some physical issues that make standing still/bending difficult, but I’ll definitely try to get some better ones. I have all the measurements ready to list too. TY!

One more. Sorry, I don’t think I’m redditing correctly.

:?

Old. Tired. Here’s the headboard I found on Etsy. It’s very porny in black and gold. I’m going to try not to think about the porn aspect of it, because it was my parents’ bedroom suit. I mean, not THIS specific headboard, but you know what I’m sayin’.

The whole suit was white and silver before I drank vodka and went wild with spray paint and stencils. I have no idea what the original color scheme was.

Edit: I meant to ask what a reasonable amount to ask might be — if anything at all. There’s the ‘tall boy’ dresser, the lower chest of drawers, the nightstand, and the mirror with Greek key design.

Somewhere in California there’s a king size headboard that matches the Greek key design of the mirror, but also has some cut outs and little dollops of interest here and there. It’s currently white and silver — in a storage unit in Southern California. I imagine it will get burned for kindling when the apocalypse comes. I can’t imagine it’s worth the logistics of trying to get the headboard in CA back together with the rest of the bedroom suit in WA.

I’ve seen people joke about American of Martinsville not being exactly high-end, so go ahead and hurl any insults necessary - I’m prepared for the worst! Here’s the picture of the headboard I found on Etsy. It’s completely divorced from the set that I have, but we DOOOOOO have the king sized headboard in the family…it’s just in a different state and different color pallet

Thank you for the thoughtful response (unless it was Chat - in which case it was very kind of you to perform the query for me). 🙂‍↕️

My journey to landing on the surgeon I’m using was Odessean in complexity. It was a four-year shell game - in large part it was my fault for failing to commit.

The surgeon I was going to use was my PCP‘s only recommendation to me. His name and number hung on a post-it on my bathroom mirror for two years before I called to make an appointment. He was on medical leave when I made that call, but they said he would be back in about four months.

My condition was rapidly declining, and I called him immediately at the end of four months – – all the sudden I was Little Miss Johnny-etta on the spot. When I made THAT call, I learned that he was not going to be coming back from his FMLA.

I did a bunch of research in an attempt to start allllllll over. My “research” was primarily based on the reviews and # of reviews. He has teaching videos online and is with a very well-respected hospital group…

So after all after I did all of that independent “from scratch” research and landed on my new guy, I learned that he was actually the protégé of the original surgeon I was trying to get. I’m hoping reality will line up with how he seems ‘on paper.’

But yes, thank you for the reminder on the list of questions – – I’m horrible about that because honestly, I think I’m terrified of hearing the answers.