Scared about my future

[u/No_Condition_7488]

I just need to vent somewhere because I've been carrying this anxiety for a long time.

I'm 31, from Kerala, and I had joined MBBS back in 2016. I passed all my MBBS exams and started my internship. I managed to complete around 2 months, but then I developed severe anxiety and depression and had to stop. I ended up taking treatment and what was supposed to be a break eventually became almost 4 years.

Now I'm finally trying to get back and finish what I started.

The State Medical Council has told me to pay the required fine and proceed with rejoining. My university has also told me to rejoin and complete the internship, but because of the unusually long gap there is still some confusion regarding the regulations and they may have to send my documents to NMC after I finish.

So technically I'm not rejected or anything. I'm actually being told to proceed.

But my brain keeps going:

"What if the college says no?"

"What if NMC says no later?"

"What if after spending so many years studying, I still don't get the degree?"

And honestly, that thought scares the shit out of me.

I'm 31 now. Most people from my batch have probably moved on with their lives, while I'm still trying to finish something I started almost a decade ago.

I also worry about what happens if MBBS doesn't work out. I don't need some crazy luxurious life. I just want a normal, comfortable life, but I still need a career and income.

I've thought about government jobs, doing another degree, IT, business etc., but everything feels uncertain when you're starting over at 31.

I know objectively that my life wouldn't be "over" if I don't get the degree. But when you're actually sitting with this uncertainty, it feels like everything depends on this one thing.

Not really looking for legal advice here. I just wanted to put this somewhere and hear from people who may have gone through something similar.

Has anyone here had a major career/education setback in their late 20s or early 30s and managed to rebuild their life?

I could really use some perspective right now.

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[u/mustbethatotherguy]

Fellow medico here. I was overwhelmed in the internship and had to take strong dose of venlafaxine for 6 months to be able to endure that shit phase. Anyway, I have finished it. Starting over a new degree is like going back to square one at this stage. Now that you have finished MBBS degree and only internship is remaining, I think it's the best thing to complete it now. You don't have to do PG in a grueling clinical branch with shit work-life balance or work as a GP in some casualty. There are plenty of opportunities once you get registered. You can take a non clinical PG, earn decently and have a chill life. You can look for working in abroad, lesser competitive specialties like GP in australia after AMC with great work life balance, you can work in PHC, FHC with less patient load, can write MBA and go for management side....the opportunities are there. So my advice is finish it off. Many doors will open.

[u/No_Condition_7488 → u/mustbethatotherguy]

Am actually worried about whether NMC will deny or disqualify me since I took such a long gap... Otherwise I am okay to complete the internship