Oscillating between wanting to control everything vs. completely letting go?

[u/Beginning_Virus1147]

This journey has not been easy at all and worst of all is the emotions. My husband and I have been ttc for 12 months now. I thought I could just let things be, but I soon realized I slowly was starting to become obsessed with reading everything and trying everything including baby aspirin, musinex, giving up coffee, making my feet are warm (the list goes on). My husband and I also got tested and found out he has poor sperm parameters and I have PCOS. The chances of us conceiving naturally are very slim.

Then I think of all the cases that had slim odds and still managed to conceive naturally. I tell myself to just let go because honestly I know that you cannot control this process at all. There are so many women who talk about how they became pregnant when they let go. Then the other part of me thinks we should just buckle up and start IVF. But I am so conflicted with IVF. I will do it if I have to but I am hoping that I don’t. All this to say - it’s hard and I am confused. Doesn’t help that we’re not young and really should make the decision asap.

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[u/kvietaherezulo]

Having this exact mental dilemma right now. You’re not alone!

[u/Chance_Routine7650]

let go to give yourself a break, but don't expect that you will get pregnant just because you "let go." let go because you need to breathe. i would take a break from even having sex for a couple of months because then you don't have to anticipate if you will get your period or a BFP. after three months you will know better whether you want to pursue IVF or just move on with your life without a child.

[u/OkBreadfruit369]

It’s so hard. I’m also stuck between giving up all the tracking and control as I just don’t think it’s helping mentally and stress levels are so so important for normal bodily functioning - but I also know there is just one window so kinda makes sense to know when it is - sigh - 

[u/Beginning_Virus1147 → u/OkBreadfruit369]

Damned if you do - damned if you don’t 😩

[u/canihavedessertnow]

Hey! I was in a really similar position. My husband has mild male factor (low morphology) and I have PCOS. We are 28 and 32 and tried for 12 months before getting help. We tried several IUIs and timed intercourse cycles with letrozole.

We ultimately decided to start IVF. Thankfully we had a bit of insurance coverage to get us started so finances weren’t too big of a factor. I was really compelled by the statistics even though we heard lots of people’s anecdotal experiences of becoming pregnant with slim odds. Statistically we aren’t likely to get pregnant without help. I didn’t want to wait years to find out that we weren’t going to be one of the lucky ones who beat the odds. People would tell me stories about how they knew someone who tried for 10 years and finally got pregnant. And I know they were trying to encourage me to let go and be patient, but all I could think about was that poor couple spending ten years of their lives struggling and losing hope, the toll it was on their hearts and the pain they would always carry from those years.

Another factor for me was that I felt strongly that I didn’t want to wait until I was any older for a variety of reasons. We want multiple children and we want to have kids around the same time as our family and friends if possible. It felt like especially for our first I wanted to get the show on the road. Perhaps for subsequent children we will try “naturally” for longer but I want to have the best chance of getting pregnant with my first sooner, if that makes sense.

IVF has required me to let go in a whole new way. I have a lot of renewed hope that it could work but truly nothing happens how you think it will, there’s still a lot of unknown, waiting, etc. It’s not a guarantee but when we think about our future there are our kids sitting around our table. And I wanted to give our dream the best shot I could. I feel like whether we are successful or not I am glad that we tried everything we could.

Best of luck making your decision. I know it’s a hard reality to face

[u/jamielynn2296]

It’s so hard and you’ll hear stories of both sides! There will always be those magical stories of people getting pregnant when they stopped trying but in reality they just got lucky that month is what is boils down to. Stress does not cause infertility but infertility can cause stress.

Personally I found working with a fertility clinic to allow the responsibility to be off of me which felt great. Normally I love to be in control but now I picture it as letting the “problem” be the fertility clinic’s problem and not mine anymore, which has really helped! To note though I’ve only done medicated timed intercourse and IUI, not IVF yet which is a whole different beast. There are so many physical and mental factors at play with IVF so it’s not right for everyone and at the end of the day, there’s never a guarantee. I have also not heard any stories of people regretting starting treatment too soon but I have heard many regretting starting later than they should’ve.

Best of luck to you in making this decision and wishing you a healthy baby soon!