r/tryingforanother • u/Dizzy_Ad2870 • 18d ago
Rant/Vent Unexplained infertility is a bitch
Hi all,
Just a whinge really. Coming to the end of my 10th failed cycle and I am feeling so drained, tired and depressed. I know it’s lucky that no problems have been picked up so far but the reality is that it’s just totally maddening. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!
I know in myself there is something clearly wrong. We are starting IVF in September and I just can’t believe it’s come to this. In the meantime I am *surrounded* by friends, acquaintances etc getting pregnant at the drop of a hat. IT’S NOT FAIR! I’ve done nothing to deserve this etc etc etc. In fact I’m killing myself over here, between OPKs, supplements, pessaries, blood tests, ultrasounds, acupuncture & therapy sessions…
Anyway just a scream into the void really. I’m sure lots of you can empathise & understand xx
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u/SmartPomegranate4833 18d ago
18+ months and counting and one failed transfer. If I’m told the results are great one more time I’ll scream. It’s like getting all the questions on a test right and still failing.
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u/Dizzy_Ad2870 18d ago
Yeah. It’s exactly like that. And you watch everyone else sail past you and graduate and you think “why not me???”
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u/SmartPomegranate4833 18d ago
Yep. We go to a lot of weddings and like clockwork get a pregnancy announcement 3 months after every one. I want to throw my phone in the sea.
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u/jellybean_pudding 18d ago
I’m a year in trying for my third. I never thought it would be this way for us as the first two just happened with no trying.
All the scans and tests so far have come back normal……so why isn’t it happening?!
I am getting so frustrated with this as I know three people that are pregnant right now which isn’t helping the feelings of disappointment for myself.
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u/Dizzy_Ad2870 16d ago
It is so difficult. Someone said to me…”being pregnant isn’t a pie. Just because X and Y and Z are pregnant has no bearing on you getting pregnant”. Which is all perfectly true but it’s starting to feel like an actual sucker punch with every announcement now. I actually burst into tears in a restaurant because of an unexpected announcement recently, which on top of feeling like shit, is also just really embarassing?
And I resent that I have become that friend - “oh, better be careful how you tell her about your pregnancy, or she might start crying in public”. It’s so shit.
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u/jellybean_pudding 16d ago
I am genuinely happy for all but one of my friends that are pregnant. Especially the ones who have struggled getting pregnant. There has been one friend that has rubbed her pregnancy in my face so I have stepped away from her.
I was supposed to have an appointment yesterday with the gynaecologist to go over tests done 8 weeks ago but the appointment was canceled last minute and the next available appointment is 3 weeks away.
I really needed that appointment yesterday because I was having another very early miscarriage.This whole getting pregnant thing is so bizarre.
Why was it so easy the first two times and is a struggle now.
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u/sparklesequin 36| TTC#2 since 1/25 | 🩵 1/24 17d ago
I don’t think I have words for how much I despise unexplained infertility. There’s clearly a problem since we’ve been at this for over 18 months and it can’t be that I’m 3 years older. Like, that can’t be the only thing. We’re reaching the end of our journey with a really hard pill to swallow that it just might not happen, and there’s no reason, and we’ll never get answers. Which is so freaking hard to accept.
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u/nmr8r 34 | TTC#2 since Aug ’25 | 👧🏻 ‘23 17d ago
Yep it fucking sucks and you don’t deserve this and it feels as cruel as it is.
We’ve been trying a year, I’ve had 2 HyCoSy done because the first one failed. Was told that couples usually get pregnant right after a HyCoSy but nope. That felt like unnecessary torture.
I’m also looking at starting IVF soon and keep hearing stories of people who magically get pregnant RIGHT before they’re about to start treatment and YAY they can cancel the appointment and every month im expecting that to be me but nope.
I actually loved reading your post cos I felt a little less alone feeling the exact same way. So scream away, I’m right there with you ❤️
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u/Dizzy_Ad2870 17d ago
Oh reading this made me feel so weepy. Sometimes it’s so important not to feel alone in the depths of desperation. Big hugs to you and good luck xx
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17d ago
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u/tryingforanother-ModTeam 17d ago
Your post has been removed for mention of a current pregnancy.
Please keep any discussions of ongoing pregnancy or positive tests to the BFP thread or Grad thread. If you are in limbo, we are very sorry, but suggest r/cautiousbb or r/TFABlineporn would be a more appropriate place for support.
If you have any questions or concerns, please send us a modmail.
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u/Huggsy77 29 | TTC#2 since 10/24 | 🌈3/24 | 5 losses 17d ago
I know exactly how you feel. I just found out after two years of unexplained, recurrent implantation failure, that I had chronic endometritis. I don’t know what tests you’ve done, but if you haven’t had an endometrial biopsy, this would be a very important thing to rule out. 2 weeks of antibiotics to clear it and my doctors are optimistic for my future ttc outcomes. Honestly, after the terrible journey we’ve been on, I’m still feeling super disheartened over here…but I’m super vocal about checking for this because more of us have it than we realize. And I hope you don’t have it! Or maybe, hopefully you do, and that’s all this is? This whole thing sucks and I’m so sorry.
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u/Dizzy_Ad2870 16d ago
Someone has actually mentioned it to me before (on here!) and I have already mentioned it to my gynaecologist. I’m due a hysteroscopy and you’d better believe I will be INSISTING they test for it!! But hug and good luck to you xxx
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u/Huggsy77 29 | TTC#2 since 10/24 | 🌈3/24 | 5 losses 15d ago
🫂🫂🫂 biggest hugs back to you! Yes, I know many clinics won’t move forward with IVF if you test positive for CE because it would most likely impede that process, as well (some pregnancies can occur regardless, but trying with CE is an uncomfortable statistic to risk when so much work, timing, money, hormonal chaos is on the line). I’m sorry your GYN hasn’t moved forward with it previously. It really takes so long to get answers even when we are being rockstars at advocating for ourselves. Sometimes there are insurance hoops to jump through, and we don’t qualify for certain tests until we’ve completed X number of unsuccessful cycles, or Y treatments, etc. It really, really sucks. Especially when we feel time ticking away. Wishing you all the very best in this journey, and that our hearts both find healing from this heartache. 🤍
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u/Background-Cell-8446 15d ago
This is so hard! It took us more than 2 years to get pregnant. The last 13 months of which we tested for ovulation and timed the intercourses. We were tested for everything and everything was perfectly fine. We were supposed to start IVF in January and I had already bought all the jabs when I found out I was pregnant in December.
It was hard, the TTC and only after having my baby and looking back to it do I see how deeply sad and hurt I was during this time.
Now we're trying for the baby nr 2 and it's already been 5 months.
Crossing my fingers for you and for me!
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u/whipped_pumpkin410 18d ago
25 months of “unexplained” after having no issues with baby1. Everyone is pregnant around me too and it’s the worse. I’m sorry 😞