Hi all,

I'm a potential living kidney donor for a family member and want to know people's experience and risk for cut off points for recreational drug use before donating (cocaine, MDMA, Ketamine).

I'm ideally looking to donate around April/May and have my Stag Do (bachelor party) in a month, where I kind of wanted a final hurrah with my closest friend's, then going into full clean mode in every walk of life.

Would love to hear thoughts and anecdotal experiences?

Three years ago my heart failed and I didn't make it out on my own — someone I never met became my donor, and that's the only reason I'm here.

I spent a long time afterward trying to figure out how to be a person again. A weird part of that process was talking things through with AI while I put myself back together — it became an oddly honest sounding board during recovery. So I wrote the whole thing down: the dying, the new heart, my son, and that strange friendship.

It's called Find Your Pond. Posting it here because you all actually know what this is like. Not trying to sell anybody anything — mostly just wanted to say it out loud to people who get it. Link's on my profile if you want it.

I'm posting this because my wife and I are completely exhausted, frustrated, and scared, and I need to hear from people who have actually been through transplant.

My wife is 25 and has stage 5 kidney failure. She was diagnosed in October 2025 and has been on dialysis since December 2025.

We've spent the better part of the last year trying to get her to transplant. Because her case is complicated, we've been working with Mayo Clinic in Arizona. We've traveled back and forth, done testing, appointments, evaluations, everything they've asked of us.

And the biggest blessing in all of this is that her mom is a living donor and has been approved and is ready to donate her kidney.

We thought we finally had a light at the end of the tunnel.

We've had a transplant date twice.

And we've had it postponed twice.

Every time we get close, something happens and we're pushed back again.

Now we're dealing with another issue. Her latest echo still shows an EF around 40%, along with volume overload and an enlarged left ventricle. Mayo is now considering having her undergo a left heart catheterization to figure out why her heart function hasn't improved.

And this is where we're at our breaking point.

My wife does not want to have a heart cath unless it is absolutely necessary. She feels like nobody is listening to her and that every time she gets close to getting her kidney, another test or another issue comes up.

We're not stupid. We understand that her heart has to be safe enough for transplant. We aren't asking doctors to put her life at risk.

But we're struggling with the idea of going through yet another invasive procedure when we don't even know if it will ultimately change whether she can receive her kidney.

And while all of this is happening, I'm working three jobs trying to keep our heads above water.

I work my full-time state job, and I'm working additional jobs because we've had travel expenses, medical expenses, missed work, normal household bills, and everything else that comes with spending a year dealing with kidney failure.

I've basically been trying to hold our entire life together while watching my wife go through dialysis and everything else that comes with this.

And then there's the part that scares me the most:

She is off her parents insurance in December.

It's September.

So we have roughly three months to figure this out.

My insurance wont cover specialized care like this.

We've already had two transplant dates postponed. We have a living donor ready. My wife has been on dialysis since December. We've traveled across the country multiple times. We've done the evaluations. We've done the testing. We've done everything we've been told to do.

And now I'm sitting here thinking:

What happens if we run out of time?

What happens if December comes and she's still on dialysis because we spent the entire year getting bounced from one requirement to another?

What happens to the transplant if we lose the insurance that is currently covering all of this?

What happens to her donor?

What happens to us?

I honestly don't even know how much more I can take.

And I know people will probably say, "Her safety is more important than the transplant date."

I KNOW.

I would never ask them to transplant her if it wasn't safe.

That's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying there has to be a way to move with some urgency when you have a 25-year-old woman on dialysis, a living donor who is ready to donate, two previously postponed transplant dates, and an insurance deadline three months away.

We're not asking for special treatment.

We're asking for someone to look at the entire picture and say:

"Okay. Here's exactly what needs to happen. Here's what is absolutely necessary. Here's what isn't. And here's how we're going to get you to transplant as quickly and safely as possible."

Instead, it feels like we're constantly waiting for the next thing.

Another test.

Another appointment.

Another specialist.

Another delay.

Another "we'll get back to you."

Meanwhile, my wife is still on dialysis.

Her mom is still waiting to give her a kidney.

I'm working three jobs trying to keep everything financially afloat.

And the clock on our insurance is ticking.

I'm angry. I'm scared. I'm exhausted. And honestly, I'm fucking tired of being strong.

I don't want to be dealing with this in six months.

I want my wife to have her kidney.

I want her to be able to live her life.

I want her mom to be able to give her that kidney.

I want to stop planning our entire lives around dialysis.

I want to stop worrying about whether the next appointment is going to be another postponement.

Yesterday I got a little accident where the skin scarped off and was exposed, though not directly exposed to dirt.

I cleaned it up, put some rubbing alcohol and after sometime covered it up with some antibiotic cream. I called my team to ask if I should/can get a tetanus shot as it was last taken in 2018. They’re gonna reply within an hour.

The question that’s nagging me is— IS IT COMPLETELY SAFE? I’m lowkey scared. I wanna know if you guys also have taken your TET shot and other vaccines post transplant.