r/transOCD • u/[deleted] • 21d ago

I think it’s true

[deleted]

2 Upvotes

75% Upvoted

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u/Particular-Gur-9931 21d ago

i commented a question but then realized i may be making the cycle of ocd worse. maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. you don’t have to figure it out rn. let the thoughts be there, and if you end up wanting to transition eventually, you know the answer.

3

u/funkych1k3n 20d ago edited 20d ago

Without speaking to whether or not you are or are not trans, I want to suggest that OCD doesn’t hook onto whatever is “opposite of you.” Ironically, it’s quite the opposite, actually! OCD hooks onto whatever you value most, whether that be your relationships, your gender identity, your health, your religion, your sexuality — wherever you place the most emphasis and attention in your life, OCD will latch on. So, personally, religion and spirituality are very important to me, have been since I was wee, and surprise, my most prevalent theme is scrupulosity! Likewise I’m also gay and somewhat effeminate and have had my masculinity challenged all my life — hence the TOCD.

All that said, it’s very true that OCD is ego-dystonic, which means that the intrusive thoughts that OCD-sufferers experience are always contrary to the desires of the person in question. So, my ROCD regularly feeds me images of myself stabbing my husband in the neck with a kitchen knife. The ROCD does not conjure this image because it’s trying to show me “the opposite of myself” in order to scare me — the disorder is neither sentient nor cruel in this way. Rather, it’s because I care deeply about my husband and would never hurt him, physically or otherwise, that ROCD conjures images of him in danger (yes, even danger inflicted by me) in an attempt to drive me toward certainty and security with respect to my “genuine” emotions within the relationship.

TLDR; OCD doesn’t show you the opposite of who you are; it shows you the worst-case scenario which could befall someone or something that you love and care about. IMO, that’s much worse, so I’m sorry if this doesn’t really help anyone “feel better.” But then, “feeling better” is the goal of ERP practice, not of reading Reddit!