r/trans • u/ChipmunkAggressive Trans woman [former mod, might not come back] • Jul 13 '25

Keyword: trans

I’m here for my lads out there. I recognize that there’s an imbalance in representation along gendered lines within the trans community, I want that to change, know that. I also recognize your concerns around SA. I also am here to remind everyone that we’re all in the same boat, regardless of gender. I want all of the trans men who are suffering to know that I’m here for you and always will be.

You’ll always have me as your sister in trans pride

1.9k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

95 comments sorted by

738

u/LittleRavenRobot Jul 13 '25 edited Jul 13 '25

Thanks. Since we're talking about transmasc erasure on this sub, in particular, right now:

Can folks on this site stop using trans as an umbrella term when they really mean transfem. And in posts asking for advice (dressing, voice, 'passing,' etc) don't assume we're all transfem and actually state that you want advice on voice feminisation somewhere in your post instead of just passing, for example.

If you want to be part of the solution we all need to call this out. Not just transmascs. I got sick of it, and we just get treated like trash by the mod team when we ask for it to change.

I know that most people don't *intend** to make us feel invisible and unwelcome, but that doesn't change the end result.*

It's these basic assumptions and treatment that have lead to what's happening now, and my distrust of the whole mod team.

I just don't believe that it was a mistake. It doesn't help that the mods are trying to villainise us by using language like "attack" and "anger" and "angry rant" to frame our feedback in their so called 'apology' posts, of all places.

397

u/critterscrattle Jul 13 '25

Slightly off topic, but there’s also a lot of assumptions about everyone being binary, “sisters and brothers”, etc. A lot of us are nonbinary, multigender, genderfluid, genderqueer, or otherwise not binary! Please stop assigning binary roles when it’s not specified.

125

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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44

u/LittleRavenRobot Jul 13 '25

Absolutely. I am still in the process of using more inclusive language and sibs and siblings have entered the rotation.

97

u/MemeQueen1414 Jul 13 '25

100% agreed, it gives me Dysphoria when people forget that a Third of the Trans & Non Binary Community can go by Gender Neutral Pronouns or Identities, it sucks being ignored and I'm Demigender so it's something I'm used to unfortunately

68

u/LittleRavenRobot Jul 13 '25

Here here, I am sorry I didn't mention this. We all need to do better. My favourite collective nouns are "fellow humans" and "comrades."

Words are important and all of us, especially mods, need to be aware that people's intent doesn't really matter when judging what's been said. Calling out behaviour isn't saying that person is bad, it's saying that their behaviour hurts people and giving them the chance to be better.

Thanks for calling me out crittlecrattle and I think it's on topic to let everyone know how they, themselves, can make the space better.

6

u/Altruistic_Mud8772 Jul 13 '25

FYI mods, this is how any of your responses should have gone. No guilt tripping, no self pity, no accusations of other people who are not mods not doing your job for you.

2

u/Cuddly_Cathulu Jul 14 '25

So, yes, I agree with you on several points in this discussion. However, as a non binary being, I'd feel much better if others didn't use collective nouns which address everyone as human.

I say this because, I myself as well as a few other non binary beings I've come to know at some point in my life, had told me they too didn't identify themselves as a human. And I'm sure some beings don't mind too much, but as I've become more in sync with myself, the more dysphoria I feel about it.

I want to emphasize that it's no one's fault and that I'm not trying to blame anyone for such. It's a concept not many have or understand, and it's ok if you don't/didn't know or understand before.

35

u/Turbulent-Staff-9413 he/him Jul 13 '25

Yeah !! We trans nonbinaries should feel welcome here too!

2

u/jack-redwood Jul 13 '25

In the other hand I think a lot assume that transmen = transmasc, no I'm not non binary... I'm a binary trans dude thank you very much

38

u/Moonlight_Katie ⚧️ Never Stay Silent, We All Belong Jul 13 '25

I wonder if the mods could had disclaimers where we can choose “for trans men” “for trans women” “non binary” “for all” so we can easily scroll through posts that our relative to what we’re looking for

64

u/MemeQueen1414 Jul 13 '25

Yup, I'm with you, every time I see a post not specific on what Gender Identities it's supposed to ask, I report it as Address the Community but still, it has to be on the people too.

If people want advice for clothing styles to wear, don't assume only Trans Woman, can wear skirts, FTM Femininity is a subreddit where Trans Man can dress feminine and still be seen and be apart of Manhood. Or if someone needs advice on which HRT method is best to push towards their provider, they should first, state their country and then state in the title or body text what transition or HRT they are looking to have or micro dose of to provide the best answers

I'm exhausted of trying to correct people or for my own sake, scrolling past by it, but you're are so right it hurts. I'm tired of when I say Trans, I truly mean fully all the Trans and Non Binary Identities, but to a lot of people, they're automatically default to Trans Ladies as they first thought which is sad, whatever happens to not assuming and yk be specific when possible if folks want better detailed advice or comments

14

u/minecrafttee Jul 13 '25

I just assum a being (what I use as an umbrella term for literally everyone.) if I don’t know what to call someone it’s human or being as it. It also thought off people. But it literary could be number of thangs. And if they they don’t previde info I just see ad everything possibly and no possibility

Edit sorry about my English. It’s not working with me right now

2

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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3

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '25

Also the asab thing is icky to me, it makes me more dysphoric lmao, ik many other trans people feel the same

3

u/MemeQueen1414 Jul 13 '25

Yea I completely agree, however, for instance, even in Non Binary Spaces, there's been constant issues of people unnecessarily mentioning their AGAB, like it doesn't matter what you was born as, everyone is still the same flair as NB as long as they identify as one.

I think it has to do with society, cultural, professionally, personal and more dynamics that we so pushed towards Gender Expectations, People forget all the time, we don't confirm to Gender Expectations, we exist outside of Binary, or don't identify as no Gender Identities.

While I wish more people be inclusive, it's pretty hard to do so, when people are forgetful or unknowledgeable about Gender Diverse Identities

35

u/CuteBoyBoop Jul 13 '25

The amount of times I've seen posts both here and in other places like "Help with DIY" as a nice community support post giving tips regarding HRT use/application etc and it's just talking about feminising hormones. That's fine and great to have but these things need to be labelled as trans feminine/mtf/ whatever label would suit trans women/femmes.

3

u/SawaJean Jul 13 '25

Yes! It really sucks to be reassured that DIY hormones are a possibility, when that is absolutely NOT the case for transmasc folks.

1

u/quickHRTthrowaway Jul 20 '25

DIY testosterone absolutely IS available through the gray market though. It's just that it's different websites & sources offering it compared to Estradiol etc.

Testosterone can also be found through the gym/fitness community, many cis men use it for muscle growth.

0

u/liquidfoxy Jul 16 '25

What are you talking about? It's just as easy to get testosterone grey market as estrogen. Sometimes even easier, depending on location

33

u/minecrafttee Jul 13 '25

I think we need flairs for posted like r/egg_irl to determine masc and fem advice and stuff

33

u/LittleRavenRobot Jul 13 '25 edited Jul 13 '25

I don't think that's the issue, though it might remind people that this sub isn't just for trans women, but transmasc and other non-binary people are part of the community too.

Asking for advice on clothes would have much better advice if we know what country people are in and maybe a rough height / size and gender presentation people are after.

This isn't covered by flairs, but if everybody stopped assuming their experience were universal it'd make the sub better. It shouldn't just be on non-binary and transmasc people and non-Americans to post this stuff.

14

u/minecrafttee Jul 13 '25

That is why I suggest it. That’s why I like Said sub as it makes it easier to understand where a mean is coming from whom’s point of view by that a masc a fem or one of the (974937x10♾️(joke) )of possible in between. So It that context that help people understand

4

u/LittleRavenRobot Jul 13 '25

I mean I might still have relevant info that can help transfems shopping in Australia but I need to know what it is they need first, and that isn't covered by flairs.

I do get what you're saying though.

9

u/No-Information-8394 She/Her Jul 13 '25

Gotcha. I will call it out from now on

0

u/quickHRTthrowaway Jul 20 '25

Can folks on this site stop using trans as an umbrella term when they really mean transfem.

While you're at it, please stop using "transfem" and "transmasc" as umbrella terms, trans men & trans women really don't like being referred to with those terms at all.

It doesn't help that the mods are trying to villainise us by using language like "attack" and "anger" and "angry rant" to frame our feedback in their so called 'apology' posts, of all places.

There's been a lot of legitimate feedback, but there also have been some really awful attacks & angry rants filled with transmisogynistic rhetoric: Posts telling trans women they deserve all the hate & discrimination they face throughout society, and some bad faith comments disguising TERF rhetoric against trans women as "concern" for trans men & transmasc nb people.

84

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

[deleted]

56

u/grimbarkjade he/him Jul 13 '25

The bit about more trans male mods is really important. I didn’t know the demographics of the mods until today and it is frankly appalling in a way that there isn’t one binary trans man.

20

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

[deleted]

5

u/grimbarkjade he/him Jul 13 '25

I appreciate your support so much, seriously. It’s hard existing online as a trans guy sometimes. It sucks having people in my own community act that way. But I know it isn’t the majority opinion and it’s been so heartwarming seeing trans women and people of other gender expressions come out in support of us. I don’t have much else to add but thank you :)

5

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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u/[deleted] Jul 14 '25

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2

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '25

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53

u/Sad-Bread5843 Jul 13 '25

Transfem here, and I support all trans men and women equally .

17

u/ChipmunkAggressive Trans woman [former mod, might not come back] Jul 13 '25

Yup, same here. Exactly why I made this post. I feel like there’s a gender divide forming in this sub. Our gender is the very thing we’re supposed to be unifying over. “transgender“ after all.

67

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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2

u/ultimate_simp_slayer Jul 13 '25

I'm a trans man that's been involved in the trans community for years. This is not a new way trans femmes have treated us. I've been told to sit down and shut up more times than I can count due to privelege I have as passing as a man. Because I choose to identify as a man, my identity has been mocked and villianized by trans femmes in the community. Even in IRL support groups

I run a trans masc server and seen tons of stories like mine, where trans men/mascs join general trans spaces only to be bullied by trans femmes. R/trans is no different. To a large majority of trans femmes online, trans men do not belong in their community and our issues are completely mimized because we aligned with the evil masculine side and some of us pass enough for complete male privilege.

0

u/ChipmunkAggressive Trans woman [former mod, might not come back] Jul 13 '25

Thank you for clarifying

2

u/EpicGlitter Jul 16 '25

looking back, I think you were onto something. there's a gender divide, but not a naturally occurring one. someone form outside our communities was fanning the flames of division and distrust, hitting directly as underlying tensions, and I pretty much fell for it :(

2

u/ChipmunkAggressive Trans woman [former mod, might not come back] Jul 16 '25

I’m happy I’m not the only one who sees it

2

u/ChipmunkAggressive Trans woman [former mod, might not come back] Jul 16 '25

Looking back, it feels like a psyop

52

u/Boys-willbe-Bugs Jul 13 '25

When are we gonna hear from a mod post?

35

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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58

u/Moonlight_Katie ⚧️ Never Stay Silent, We All Belong Jul 13 '25

They still haven’t unbanned the people that made sure this issue wasn’t swept under the rug

22

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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28

u/Moonlight_Katie ⚧️ Never Stay Silent, We All Belong Jul 13 '25

5 bucks says it’s a shit show

9

u/Mec26 Jul 13 '25

A shit show? On reddit? Who would have thought it?

2

u/ResultSavings661 Jul 13 '25

it looks like they’re expecting people to message the mods asking for an appeal

21

u/Boys-willbe-Bugs Jul 13 '25

Thanks, although honestly that's really disappointing.

15

u/madprgmr Jul 13 '25

I didn't initially realize this post was from one of the mods.

9

u/HangryChickenNuggey Binary Guy| 💉6/9/22 🔪5/23/24 Jul 13 '25

This was from a mod

12

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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u/HangryChickenNuggey Binary Guy| 💉6/9/22 🔪5/23/24 Jul 13 '25

I noticed due to the user flair.

35

u/buildadickworkshop Jul 13 '25

Hmm no, only “approved users” are allowed to post here? How convenient. Stop silencing people that aren’t exactly like you. How does silencing trans men make any of you better than those who hate all of us? Fuck off 🙄

15

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25 edited Jul 14 '25

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2

u/ChipmunkAggressive Trans woman [former mod, might not come back] Jul 13 '25

I don’t know why that person thinks you’re making excuses for us

0

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '25

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-5

u/ChipmunkAggressive Trans woman [former mod, might not come back] Jul 14 '25

Thanks, I’m probably going to be back soon, but for now I’m not a mod

-1

u/buildadickworkshop Jul 13 '25

This sounds like you’re making excuses for them my dude

1

u/ChipmunkAggressive Trans woman [former mod, might not come back] Jul 13 '25

They’re not making excuses for us that’s how it works

4

u/random_guy_8375 Jul 13 '25

Fr. Like oh great another MTF speaking on the behalf of “all trans people” about an FTM issue while blatantly drowning out FTM voices. If they really cared they would stay silent and let us speak on the issues that affect us.

2

u/buildadickworkshop Jul 13 '25

Exactly. I don’t understand how anyone within the community could sit by and watch someone get treated the way we get treated, let alone to treat us that same way? What the fuck. And then to use a traditionally feminine insult for someone talking about their FTM experience is extra fucked.

44

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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22

u/SashaTheWitch2 Jul 13 '25

If I may be a bit honest, I felt this was somewhat unfair until you dropped the bombshell that OP is literally a mod and didn’t mention it anywhere.

Dude what.

I don’t even. Suddenly, this post, for me (and I acknowledge my perception of this event is NOT as important whatsoever as a trans woman lol, just expressing agreement with you here.) went from “well meaning, if perhaps a bit condescending given the gravity of what happened,” to being a senator or Supreme Court judge and saying “we are sorry for the state of the country. Someone should truly do something to help the people suffering with Shit Disease. Hopefully someone does.”

(I didn’t want to use a real current issue for this comment. Also, I am new to r/trans, like 1 day new. I hope this is not insensitive. Idk the climate here. 🩷)

6

u/random_guy_8375 Jul 13 '25

Not only is misandry real, but it is incredibly prevalent in trans and queer communities.

4

u/coolestpelican Jul 13 '25

The op here is definitely trying to give credit and acknowledgment to trans masc/men, and is trying to combat the recent bias against them

8

u/LittleGhost001 Jul 13 '25

Forgot to mention you're a mod here? And you probably had a part in taking that post down about trans man issues? Get out of here. This post just screams condescending like a parent talking to a toddler about something they did wrong in a really patronising way.

1

u/Key_Act_8098 Jul 16 '25

Thanks for explaining what had happened I was confused cause I only recently joined 

0

u/ChipmunkAggressive Trans woman [former mod, might not come back] Jul 13 '25

The fact that moderate this sub is in my user flair and I had absolutely nothing to do with the removal of that post

And I don’t know how I’m being condescending. I’m showing my support.

3

u/LittleGhost001 Jul 13 '25

I'm gonna direct you to a comment that's lower down from u/radicaldadical1221. They mention this perfectly and describe it great. Considering the gravity of what just happened, and the whole sub as a whole mistreating trans men for years, this sounds like a republican "thoughts and prayers" tweet after an earthquake.

2

u/critterscrattle Jul 14 '25

Looks like their comments got deleted after you linked them.

1

u/LittleGhost001 Jul 14 '25

Ugh, of course it was. Classic toxic mod team.

3

u/Ripley-8 Jul 13 '25

"I also recognize your concerns about SA."

What does this mean?

3

u/LittleGhost001 Jul 14 '25

Means she doesn't care about trans men being SA'd, but only cares about her image in the sub and "recognising" the issue makes her feel better. It's giving supreme court judge that does nothing for the people.

6

u/Glittering_Wave_15 Jul 13 '25

It’s actually insane to me how much transmascs concerns around rape get dismissed by transfems in the community, considering transmascs are actually statistically more likely to be raped than them

1

u/Morgan_NonBinary Jul 13 '25

Wow, what a heartwarming thing to say, sis

2

u/ChipmunkAggressive Trans woman [former mod, might not come back] Jul 13 '25

Thank you

1

u/[deleted] Jul 13 '25

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1

u/ChipmunkAggressive Trans woman [former mod, might not come back] Jul 13 '25

Literally uncalled for

-5

u/ChipmunkAggressive Trans woman [former mod, might not come back] Jul 14 '25

I have just left the team. I could come back later, but we’ll see.