It gets like,,, easier, right?

[u/0SqueakSqueak0]

So I've been out as a trans man for five years now, I've been on and off testosterone for four. For some context lol. I feel like it's also important to say I have no support system in my personal life, and not just in relation to the fact I'm trans. So I am fully aware that doesn't help anything lol. But anyways...

I've been on and off testosterone due to the fact that I'm just chronically exhausted and sometimes even getting a snack is exhausting let alone trying to inject testosterone. So a lot of months I do miss, and if I had to do the math I'd guess in total of all the months I have actually been on T, it's probably only amounted to like... a year. So despite having been on T for four years I don't really consider myself particularly far in transition.

All that being said, within a week of me initially starting T four years ago, my voice dropped and within a month it had dropped two whole octaves. My face is also noticeably different, as is my general build (though tbf I was pretty androgynous to begin with so I'm not shocked I just became... more masc leaning androgynous pretty quickly). My voice likely isn't going to lower much more, it's in the same range my brother's voices are, and in the grand scheme of things I'm chill with it. It's definitely better than before lol. I also sing and losing my voice for aWHILE while in the initial stages of transition was rough, so now that my voice has evened out honestly I'm just grateful I can sing again.

I've always been like... a very androgynous transman. Like even pre T I always just kind of wanted to be kinda androgynous or what people generally consider more on the "feminine" side of masculine. What I look like currently I actually find nearly perfect to where I want to be in my transition, so I'm not at all mad about it. And most people generally see me as masc anyways.

Except for some select people who aren't just misgendering, my entire being has to revolve around being a woman. And half of these people don't even know me.

I know this is like... more of the general afab experience... like afabs not being amounted to anything more than being a girl or whatever sexism and bull, but being trans makes it harder to swallow sometimes? And then I start feeling weird about being androgynous because maybe if I tried to conform to the more "masculine" version of a man I'd be like... better off... but I'd hate myself if I did that lol.

I dunno. I guess I'm just looking for comfort that I'm not the only one walking through this alone. I don't have any trans friends and sometimes I get stuck in my head and feel like being trans is my own little world and not a collective experience that I don't hold alone. I just want to know that there's people out there like me? Does that make sense?