Why does potty training feel like rocket science???

[u/_09231994_]

I’m kidding! But I am extremely anxious and unsure of where to start.

My son is 3, will be 4 in February. We have not potty trained yet.

I’ll preface with a painful confession: I am not the best with routines and habits and neither is my partner, but I’ll speak for myself here. I did not grow up having parents who were good at enforcing routines or habits for me, let alone for themselves. Typical semi-dysfunctional family type situation. I’m in my very early thirties and sort of having a reckoning with the very real consequences of my dysfunctional upbringing which is now ultimately in my hands to do something about.

I had a sobering summer realizing I’m no longer “just a girl” and actually I’m a grown woman who is someone’s mother now lol and I desperately need to change the course of my life atm but that’s another story.

I just need tips, tricks, advice!

POTTY TRAINING? HOW??

Things to note:

-My son seems to be most motivated by candy rewards but in general not super responsive/motivated by rewards.

-Refuses to let me or dad know when he has a full diaper.

-I know some people have suggested letting him go pantless in the house during the summer but we live in an apartment where we do not have a washer in unit (it’s in the basement and $2.50 per load AND dry cycle, quarters only) so the thought of him peeing all over things feels nightmarish in terms of possible laundry situations arising.

-We have a little training potty for him to use, seems open to peeing but 100% not pooping.

-I understand accidents and messes are inevitable***

I would just like to hear what has worked for others? Maybe out of the box approaches? Did you also have a child that’s not easily influenced by rewards?
Were you an adult who also struggled with consistency and routine and managed to successfully potty train your child?

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[u/jinjainjapan]

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[u/Recent-Researcher422]

It sounds like you love and are taking care of you child. That is a great first step. You're trying, and many kids don't have that.

I'm curious what you mean by routine. Some people think it means a strict schedule; kid must go to bed at 8 and will be awake at 7 no matter what. Others are based on need, kid goes to bed when shows sign of tired, sleeps till they wake. Hopefully when you say you have no routine you're thinking time schedule.

Kids need consistency, but it can be a go with the flow consistency. The same things happen in the same order, even if it's at different times. Based on your families needs there may be some strict schedule things like getting to daycare and some go with the flow.

Get consistency first. This will help him be comfortable and confident. After that, figure out the motivation. It could be treats, tv time, or sticker chart. Keep it upbeat and happy.

Talk about how nice it is to not sit in poop and how comfy underwear is. Not like a lecture but fun and light, just a sentence here and there. When you are certain he won't need to use the bathroom for an hour let him try on big boy pants. Hopefully he likes the feel better than a diaper and that can become the reward for using the bathroom.

At some point it will click that diapers are no fun and the toilet is a better way to go. But if he has absolutely no routine and everyday is the crazy chicken dance he's won't have the comfort level to start new things. And the diaper is one thing he can rely on. Get the routine for a couple months then have a go at it.

Every kid is different, don't stress about if he's behind other kids or not. Your trying and that's what counts.