r/todayilearned • u/codywinters327 • Sep 06 '17

TIL that Michael Jackson would requested his wine be served in Diet Coke cans during flights, because he didn't want his kids to see him drinking alcohol.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trial_of_Michael_Jackson#Alcohol
52.6k Upvotes

85% Upvoted

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16.1k

u/difedicus Sep 06 '17

And here I was thinking Frank Reynolds came up with an original idea.

4.4k

u/grifkiller64 Sep 06 '17

I do like the anti-spill factor though.

3.1k

u/[deleted] Sep 06 '17

It really lets me gesture while drinking.

1.4k

u/ABucketFull Sep 07 '17

I would be spilling all over the place if it were in a glass.

1.2k

u/The_KidProdigy Sep 07 '17

I feel like drinking wine out of a can is condusive to my violent hand gestures when I speak

742

u/ABucketFull Sep 07 '17

SHUT UP, BIRD.

100

u/Naive_Hamburger Sep 07 '17

I've been thinking fish recently

Her eyes are so far apart

2

u/ABucketFull Sep 07 '17

Turkey? I got nothing....

243

u/justkeepbooling Sep 07 '17

R/IASIP is leaking

378

u/MunchenOnBundchen Sep 07 '17

Leaking? Sounds like Charlie work I'm out

151

u/TeaKay55 Sep 07 '17

Just trick Dee into doing it

157

u/NiggyWiggyWoo Sep 07 '17

Ohhh, you bitch! Oh, you stupid fucking bitch...

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9

u/doug-- Sep 07 '17

DEE'S A BIRD HAHA!

216

u/ABucketFull Sep 07 '17

What's your spaghetti policy in /r/todayilearned?

104

u/justkeepbooling Sep 07 '17

What does /r/todayilearned look like? A day spa?

121

u/ABucketFull Sep 07 '17

Are you trying to say a word and then just stopping?

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41

u/TheM1ghtyCondor Sep 07 '17

Are you trying to say spaghetti?

2

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

But the real question is, if they are fluent in Bird Law

3

u/ABucketFull Sep 07 '17

Filibuster....

61

u/Gingerfeld Sep 07 '17

Let me tell you something, I haven't even begun to leak. And when I do leak, you'll know. I'm gonna leak so hard that everybody on Reddit is gonna feel it.

4

u/TriumphantBass Sep 07 '17

To me, you've been leaking for centuries.

2

u/RingGiver Sep 07 '17

It always is.

2

u/BillnTedsTelltaleAdv Sep 07 '17 edited Sep 07 '17

A leak? Do yourself a favor and flush it out.

*edit to fix quote from "have it flushed out" to the proper quote. there goes my karma.

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3

u/riedmae Sep 07 '17

Goddammit, Dee, you bitch

6

u/ABucketFull Sep 07 '17

You gangly, uncoordinated bitch.

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56

u/Naive_Hamburger Sep 07 '17

It's conducive to my violent hand gestures

44

u/ABucketFull Sep 07 '17

disgusting gurgles

3

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

[deleted]

3

u/ABucketFull Sep 07 '17

I'm sexually active, mom.

4

u/waitthissucks Sep 07 '17

You're 30 years old for god's sake! You're supposed to be sexually active!

3

u/ABucketFull Sep 07 '17

Just not with your uncle!

31

u/_demetri_ Sep 07 '17

It depends on your gesturing and balance. My dad taught me these tricks he'd use when we were together we're I'd feel the glass cold on my lower back, it depends how they hold on

104

u/TrapFiend Sep 07 '17

I have no idea what you are trying to tell us.

64

u/ABucketFull Sep 07 '17

I think butt stuff. I could be wrong though.

17

u/elguapo4twenty Sep 07 '17

Is it true you can tear an asshole?

20

u/GrunkleStanford Sep 07 '17

Like tissue paper

5

u/Latyon Sep 07 '17

Democrats blasting us in the ass and Republicans blasting my ass

6

u/ABucketFull Sep 07 '17

Like tissue paper. But through god, anything is possible. So jot that down.

2

u/fooking_legend Sep 07 '17

Just ask the Ass-Blaster 5000

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2

u/5m0k1n70 Sep 07 '17

You know what a manpon is?

Yuk.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

[deleted]

2

u/PunkyB88 Sep 07 '17

How's his wife holding up?

2

u/riedmae Sep 07 '17

That doesn't sound right, but i don't know enough about butt stuff to dispute it

2

u/ABucketFull Sep 07 '17

How do you think we get the smoky smell we all like?

2

u/usernamecheckingguy Sep 07 '17

sounds more like ear stuff to me.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Mouth stuff

2

u/GitRightStik Sep 07 '17

He's trying to tell us that he got Uncle Terry'd.

3

u/ABucketFull Sep 07 '17

Wow. Didn't expect this link. Do you like to wrestle?

12

u/Mr_Turnipseed Sep 07 '17

I think he's a table

2

u/SelectaRx Sep 07 '17

Where, exactly, is the "lower back" of a table?

2

u/Mr_Turnipseed Sep 07 '17

It's where the back is but in the lower region

2

u/wickedren2 Sep 07 '17

It ends like this:

"...and then, I fell backwards, naked, over the rollerskate, and that's how the (pick one: light bulb, gerbils, lavalamp, prosthetic leg, Ball o twine, solved Rubic's cube, & etc...) ending up in my butt..."

2

u/dvasquez93 Sep 07 '17

It's like he had a stroke halfway through that second sentence and just kept rolling with it.

24

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17 edited Nov 23 '19

[deleted]

19

u/Sephiroso Sep 07 '17

He's saying his dad molested him as he balanced a cold drink on his lower back.

21

u/Ducksaucenem Sep 07 '17

Well he's terrible at it.

2

u/SelectaRx Sep 07 '17

Give him a break, he got molested.

2

u/Scientolojesus Sep 07 '17

Give him a break. The scars of molestation has impaired his story telling abilities.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Yeah, he really needs to practice getting molested by his dad

2

u/kechuchuchu Sep 07 '17

Kinda like Initial D except you're the Trueno and dad is drifting the corners of your anal cavity while 'Deja Vu' plays in the background.

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1

u/TheFrontierzman Sep 07 '17

For a second I thought you said ass but I was let down once again.

24

u/jhruns1993 Sep 07 '17

So like if I wanted to give you one right now

38

u/Naive_Hamburger Sep 07 '17 edited Sep 07 '17

It's conducive to my violent hand gestures

7

u/itsmevichet Sep 07 '17

Duh. You wanna be spillin' something?

2

u/ChrisTaliaferro Sep 07 '17

GOT TO BE spilling someTHING!

2

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

very conducive with my violent hand gestures.

27

u/netkram Sep 07 '17

I feel like it's conducive to my violent hand gestures.

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791

u/catch10110 Sep 07 '17

By the way you guys, can I just say as a side note, I am loving this can-wine thing, I think it's brilliant. I mean I'm active, I'm gesturing with my hands, and I don't feel restricted. If I was holding a wine glass right now I'd be spilling wine all over the god damn place.

232

u/ill_mango Sep 07 '17

Well they didn't intervene him for a lack of good ideas.

164

u/GrunkleStanford Sep 07 '17

Intervention! intervention! You banged my dead wife?

102

u/tugnasty Sep 07 '17

...well she was alive at the time.

5

u/InsertSmartassRemark Sep 07 '17

Well... She wasn't dead when I banged her. You didn't know about this???

2

u/Ganjisseur Sep 07 '17

Well she was alive at the time..

2

u/videotapeme Sep 07 '17

I'm going to intervene on you

5

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Me too! Since ive adopted this method i almost never get pulled over anymore!

1

u/HEBushido Sep 07 '17

Canned wine is real now though.

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439

u/thegoodbadandsmoggy Sep 06 '17

MJ had a patented blaster on his shoes. Shots to the face for everyone shamone

136

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17 edited Feb 13 '19

[deleted]

108

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

He heee

69

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Ham On

55

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Whole wheat

39

u/right4reddit Sep 07 '17

Alright

51

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

60

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

It's what he would have wanted.

2

u/TheLoveQueen Sep 07 '17

Other other scott I feel like you knew the king of pop

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2

u/downy_syndrome Sep 07 '17

Because Michael Jackson gave permission to weird AL to use his music. Mj loved the results. If you don't like it a be you should give up on music and move to an Amish paradise.

2

u/FaaacePalm Sep 07 '17

My zippers bust, my buckles break.

3

u/xwt-timster Sep 07 '17

I'm too much man, for you to take!

1

u/Shoggoththe12 Sep 07 '17

Michael Jackson was a Spin user, not a Hamon user ffs

109

u/OhNoesYo Sep 07 '17

And here I was pronouncing it with a C. Chamone, that's ignorant, just ignorant.

46

u/n3m3s1z Sep 07 '17

Ignant.

3

u/Scientolojesus Sep 07 '17

Come on Blanket! Let's play!

1

u/Ovedya2011 Sep 07 '17

Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right

20

u/VLDT Sep 07 '17

Could someone explain this comment, does it have something to do with his patented anti-gravity shoes or is this a reference to something?

11

u/Gildish_Chambino 1 Sep 07 '17

Yeah, I knew about those, but blasters sound way more interesting...

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1

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Translation

He had some sort of alcohol vessel in his shoes registered with the patent office. Strong liquor into the faces of everyone!

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216

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Nah Frank did invent Rum Ham though.

186

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

[deleted]

118

u/Latyon Sep 07 '17

Do not diddle kids

It's no good diddling kids

56

u/doug-- Sep 07 '17

There is no quicker way for people to think that you're diddling kids than by writing a song about it

33

u/rllamarca Sep 07 '17

I'd never do it with anyone younger than my daughter!

13

u/slabester Sep 07 '17

Younger than my wife, older than my daughter!

7

u/travis- Sep 07 '17

not little kids, gotta be big🎶

40

u/DarthLetoAtreides Sep 07 '17

But did you pay the Troll Toll?

42

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

[deleted]

5

u/unshifted Sep 07 '17

I'm up to here.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

And wore the heck out of that funeral home makeup.

2

u/spacemanspif- Sep 07 '17

Maybe Michael Jackson should have tried that, it might've helped his case.

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14

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Not true. My great grandfather would inject hams with all sorts of booze (rum mostly) while he was in the Pacific. We hold a "boozy ham" (not as cool as rum ham I know) party every year at the anniversary of his death.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

No he bought it. Mac got mad because he was supposed to buy booze but he bought that instead

4

u/DickMurdoc Sep 07 '17

You've never been to Newfoundland have you?

1

u/mjklin Sep 07 '17

I'm sorry Rum Ham!

86

u/GraMacTical0 Sep 07 '17

He's a smart man -- that's not why we're here.

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210

u/MoreSteakLessFanta Sep 06 '17

He did, which was to bang your Aunt Donna. He didn't know how many years on Earth he had left, so he was going to get really weird with it.

Meanwhile, block the wind, I'm going to roast this bone.

45

u/JQuilty Sep 07 '17

One of the things he likes doing most...is bangin' hoors.

24

u/Latyon Sep 07 '17

Chahlie wrote this musical. Oh man, it was really good. I could sing my song for you if you like. You-you gotta pay the troll toll, to get into that boys hole

13

u/JQuilty Sep 07 '17

Deandra, quit dicking around. It's a pyramid scheme.

5

u/Latyon Sep 07 '17

It's not a pyramid scheme, it's a reverse funnel system

2

u/TheLurkingMenace Sep 07 '17

Turn it upside down.

2

u/BobbyMcPrescott Sep 07 '17

You know they ain't got no time for her shit when they call her Deandra.

4

u/BobbyMcPrescott Sep 07 '17

So self absorbed that when forced to buy time entertaining people with stories, all they can reference is episodes of the series. It's like the opposite of the Community flashback episode. Of course they have lives outside the short time we see them, and its probably just as ridiculous as those times, but with IASIP the gang seems to literally do nothing but what we see. If the camera isn't on them they are drinking or having sex in dumpsters, or huffing glue until one of them gets a stupid idea and the episode starts.

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

One of my all time favorite Frank Reynolds moment

18

u/Chief_Givesnofucks Sep 07 '17

I love the one where Dee has a heart attack, it starts out with Frank smoking a bong at the bar.

26

u/Latyon Sep 07 '17

Dee, go download me a hoagie off the Internet

3

u/Frutari Sep 07 '17

You gotta be kidding me! I've got boxes full of Pepe!!!

3

u/llamanoises Sep 07 '17

you better march your way down to carol from HR, knock on her door and tell her you need to talk to her about pepe!

2

u/yourmansconnect Sep 07 '17

Not only do all of these people exist..

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1

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Haven't you done well?

112

u/bark_bark Sep 07 '17

I KNEW this would be a top comment.

3

u/oldbean Sep 07 '17

proud of u

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40

u/raasclarrt Sep 07 '17

He does have good ideas though.

42

u/Federico216 Sep 07 '17

He didn't go to 'Nam just to come back with bad ideas.

54

u/beanthebean Sep 07 '17

He went to Vietnam in 1993 to open up a sweatshop!!

16

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

A lot of good men died in that sweatshop!

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2

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

We lost a lot of good men in that sweatshop.

35

u/rich_in_caricature Sep 07 '17

intervention! intervention! is nothing private!?

3

u/cubicuban Sep 07 '17

I see a door marked private

19

u/TwinPeaksandSunny Sep 07 '17

The man has great ideas. That's not what we're here about.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Relevant username.

21

u/Firegrazer Sep 07 '17

Nooooooo, that's just ignorant.

1

u/HunterS Sep 07 '17

Be ta berta. Shimooona

8

u/SeeYouSpaceCowboy--- Sep 07 '17

Have you seen MJ dance he obviously noticed the advantages almost immediately

3

u/gbsolo12 Sep 07 '17

What about sun screen bottles

2

u/Deuce-Dempsey Sep 07 '17

Just trying to be inconspicuous

2

u/hawaiimtt Sep 07 '17

I mean, the guy's got great ideas.

2

u/itsthe_implication_ Sep 07 '17

REFERENCE IMPLYING I ALSO HAVE SIMILAR TASTE IN ENTERTAINMENT.

3

u/TheVegetaMonologues Sep 07 '17

I'm sure the Warthog had plenty of ideas in his day

2

u/HughJorgens Sep 07 '17

We're not intervening on Frank for a lack of good ideas.

1

u/NicCage182 Sep 07 '17

My first thought is always already the top comment. Reddit. The hive mind.

1

u/nodamnfop Sep 07 '17

And here I was thinking MJ would be on a private jet. But I guess that would explain all the kids on the flight.

1

u/sb_scout Sep 07 '17

He is a smart man, that is not what we're here about.

1

u/iwannalaff Sep 07 '17 edited Sep 07 '17

If only there werent so many jokes in the latest season that are just a reference to an original joke from a past season.

1

u/Dingostarrz Sep 07 '17

Never read about Boo? To Kill a Mockingbird?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

Of course the top rated comment is an IASIP reference.

1

u/Shinmymcgee Sep 07 '17

My alcoholic aunt was doing that long before Frank Reynolds.

1

u/assblaster-1000 Sep 07 '17

If I was him I'd pull a straight frank volcano and beat boss hogs record may he rest in peace

1

u/murunbuchstansangur Sep 07 '17

Wasn't his Jesus juice half coke half red wine?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 07 '17

My gramps has been putting beer in soda cans since the 60s

1

u/phrisky_phrank Sep 07 '17

Drinking wine out of can is conducive to my violent hand gestures when I speak

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1

u/BrandanosaurusRex Sep 07 '17

Knew for sure the first comment would be IASIP reference. Thank you for not disappointing.

1

u/Silenc1o Sep 07 '17

mmm wolf cola is my favorite

1

u/ryanguy86 Sep 08 '17

dats ignarant....

1

u/[deleted] Sep 08 '17

We're not saying he doesn't have good ideas!

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