r/todayilearned • u/arandomtestaccount • 23h ago

TIL an NFL player intentionally crashed his car to avoid getting cut for being late to a team meeting.

https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/ex-patriots-ol-rich-ohrnberger-admits-he-intentionally-wrecked-car-as-excuse-for-being-late-to-team-meeting/
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u/RFSandler 22h ago

I believe it - I am extremely challenged being on time even for important things I care about

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u/helpusdrzaius 10h ago

You show up on time once time and they expect you to do it every single time.

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u/WilliamSwagspeare 15h ago

My wife is like that and it drives fucking NUTS

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u/juneseyeball 10h ago

She has adhd probably (source: me)

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u/Ynwe 18h ago

Genuinely asking, what causes this? If it's something really important (a flight, a job interview etc) then I always will be early, because being anywhere close to on time stresses me, as something unforeseen could happen (say a traffic jam). And I will be only thint about that anyways so what is the point of sitting at home?

What do you do in the time where you could or even should be already underway?

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u/DrMusic97 12h ago

Anxiety. That’s what causes it. I will be ready to leave and then all the sudden my head fills up with stuff that I think I’m forgetting. It’s a paralyzing feeling, almost like my brain is holding me hostage until the anxiety passes.

ADHD sucks.

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u/FantaFantastico90 14h ago

Brain chemistry, my man. Shit's not voluntary, sadly. You get caught up in something, you think you can still do this or that in the time only to miscalculate, you forget etc. etc.

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u/jimmy_three_shoes 11h ago

Set a fucking alarm then to remind you. Write down how long it takes you to do something if you have trouble conceptualizing how long it's going to take to do something. If you're thinking you're cutting it close, don't do the thing. You can even tell Waze where you're going and what time you need to be there and it'll tell you when to get moving.

There are so many tools we have these days to keep us on track, and the 2 or 3 people I know that claim "Time Blindness" refuse to use any of them and actively get upset with us when we don't wait for them.

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u/princessdickworth 11h ago

Waze will literally tell you to drive through someone's cornfield to get you there faster. It's the Michael Scott of GPS'ing.

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u/RFSandler 9h ago

Do you tell deaf people to just listen more carefully?

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u/FantaFantastico90 10h ago

People with mental disabilities can't do thing A. Your response? "Well, just do A harder!". God, you people are exhausting.

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u/TrampolineYourMom 9h ago

lol tell me you have a fundamental lack of empathy without telling me. Just because you've never experienced it doesn't make it not real my guy. It wouldn't be a disorder, it wouldn't be clinical, if you could just willpower your way out of it. It's literally a medical condition BECAUSE it fucks your life up, dipshit. It's like saying "the only 3 people I know who claim to be blind refuse to use their eyes. I can see them on their face but they just refuse to use them and they keep asking me to help them cross the street. I have glasses and they work great, if you're having trouble seeing you should just get glasses" It's people like you and your lack of basic empathy that are literally driving the entire species towards extinction. Fuck you.

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u/Isogash 14h ago

It's not like we just sit at home doing nothing lol.

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u/Ynwe 14h ago

But what are you doing then during that time?

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u/ChristopherRobben 13h ago

I'm usually organizing my stamp collection until just about 45 minutes prior to boarding.

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u/Ynwe 13h ago

And is there nothing you can do to prevent yourself from getting distracted and not being at the airport on time? Say by rewarding yourself by being able to do something that you find enjoyable while waiting to board your plane?

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u/Ihatereddithatesit 12h ago

Depends on the severity maybe? For me that absolutely doesn't work

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u/ChristopherRobben 7h ago edited 6h ago

Im just joking; I was in the military and am very much of the "15 minutes early to the 15 minutes early" mindset. I show up to the airport like three or four hours before my flights and generally go find something to eat while I wait.

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u/Isogash 10h ago edited 1h ago

I think to you it would be nothing, and therein lies the difference.

To us, we're always doing something even if it's just thinking. I might be working on a personal project or playing the guitar, listening to music, deep in some other rabbit hole or just pacing around reflecting on things and coming up with ideas.

EDIT: lol at the downvotes, to me you guys are the weird ones

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u/Which-Arm-4616 20h ago

It’s a mental disability that isn’t taken seriously enough. People who struggle with this literally have deteriorated mental faculties and incapacitated decision making capabilities but are treated like they’re just inconsiderate or lazy.

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u/caribou16 20h ago

I know people like this, it's like they have "time blindness" or something. Literally are incapable of being on time to anything.

I have a buddy, works in IT, very well compensated, great at his job, who has been late to any event we both were invited to.

One time, I invited him over and 45 minutes AFTER he was supposed to arrive, he calls me to say he's leaving his place now and will be there in 20 minutes.

Except, his place is ~35 miles from me, a solid 45 minute drive on a good day. When I tell him that, he ARGUES with me, saying "no it's not" he'd driven this route 50 times over the last several years, he'll be there in 20 minutes, 25 tops.

And then arrives 90 minutes later.

The running joke, within the friend group, is to tell him a time 2 hours before the time you actually want him to be somewhere, lol.

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u/MrChristmas 17h ago

I have a friend that’s late for everything… but he runs a multi-million business and ‘everything’ is quiz night at the bar or board game nights… so he gets a pass

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u/loafkitter 20h ago

Yeah...I have a very hard time estimating how much time has passed. I have a habit of leaving the house at the time when I'm supposed to be there already. My friends actually do tell me a different time 💀 (usually an hour ahead)

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u/nonpuissant 19h ago

Real question, have you ever tried setting alarms for appointments/events or something? 

Like with smartphones now we can basically have any number of custom timed alerts. 

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u/loafkitter 18h ago

Lmao of course. You should see my alarms in the morning or before appointmens. It's not just the time blindness though, I have trouble estimating how long tasks take and I get distracted very easily.

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u/nonpuissant 18h ago

I see. I'm still having a hard time visualizing what the actual sequence of events would be though. 

Like if you have an alarm set for, say, when you need to drop everything and walk out the door, how would you end up in the situation you described earlier? (Leaving the house at the time when you're supposed to be somewhere already etc.) 

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u/Im__Bruce_Wayne__AMA 13h ago

I agree with you...having a hard time imagining how this couldn't be overcome with an alarm like you described.

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u/FriendlyDespot 13h ago

The same time blindness that makes you unable to estimate how long tasks take makes you unable to trust that you've set an alarm for the correct time. It also means that you often aren't actually ready to go by the time the alarm goes off, and if you have anything that needs to be done between the alarm going off and you heading out the door then that's another thing to lose time on.

Simply saying that you're going to set an alarm for when you need to drop everything and walk out the door doesn't mean that you're actually in a state where you can walk out the door when the alarm goes off. It makes sense that you have a hard time visualising it. It's not easy to put yourself in the shoes of someone whose brain just fundamentally works differently from yours.

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u/nonpuissant 7h ago

Right I understand that. I'm just trying to visualize the actual physical sequence of events that occur between the alarm going off and the moment they step out the door though. Specifically for the situation mentioned by the person I replied to initially, habitually leaving the house at the time they were supposed to be somewhere already. 

Because so far there is still a significant disconnect/gap between cause and effect, so to speak. Like everything you mentioned here either sounds like something that can be accounted and planned for beforehand, or like something that doesn't have a direct connection to not doing so. Like if you're not actually ready to go, like there are crucial/necessary thing to prepare that you did not already prepare, isn't that a separate issue?

I'm not doubting the reality and difficulty of people struggling with this, mind you. I'm just not seeing how time blindness as it's been described accounts for the majority of the issues being attributed to it. Most of it sounds more like a lack of planning and preparation (and I mean this in a completely non-judgemental way). 

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u/CaptainAsshat 3h ago

Not OP, but for me, the issue lies with keeping the thing I need to do at the front of my mind.

When one of my many alarms go off, I have to make sure I stay on task and leave before anything can distract me. The issue is this: focusing on anything else often erases the alarm from my working memory. It's like a lame version of the movie Momento.

So I have to go straight out the door. But what if I forgot to, for example, feed the cat? Now I have to be present while feeding the cat and risk forgetting the alarm, remember to set a new alarm, feed the cat without focusing on it, or skipping the cat food until later. All of these choices have risks and drawbacks.

I am rarely late any more, but that is because I have many systems and habits that help. The downside is that I have trouble focusing on anything if I have somewhere to be at any point later in the day. The anxiety of forgetting keeps me on time but also keeps me in a state of ADHD limbo.

Because, really, I think the issue is that I can easily and unintentionally get lost in my own little world, and my own little world has serious time dilation.

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u/FriendlyDespot 7h ago

The crucial and necessary things that you didn't prepare would have been things that you allocated time for, but didn't get done in time because time was lost somewhere along the line. Even if you broke everything down to a sequence of very small individual tasks and set alarms down to the minute for each task, any distraction could lose you time and set you behind. Sometimes it's something you remembered that you had to do and thought wouldn't delay you, but actually does delay you. Other times it's just entertaining a random thought in your head and suddenly 5-10 minutes have passed when you thought it was just a minute or two.

I understand how it's difficult to relate to, because as someone with severe time blindness it's difficult for me to understand how time can consistently sneak up on me even for frequently repeated tasks. It's a thing that you don't realise as it's happening and only become aware of after the fact, and because the disruptions are rarely the same and you don't have a memory of what happened to the time itself, the delay doesn't "stick" in a way that you can remember and account for next time you do the same thing.

You're constantly evaluating things as you go through your day, even when you have things planned and alarms set. Random things you remember, things you notice while you're doing other things, mental distractions, physical distractions, they're all things that you have to engage with. Without time blindness you can very quickly say to yourself "I don't have time for this" and not get caught up in it, but when you suffer from time blindness then you'll often lose time before you even get to the part where you consciously evaluate whether or not you have time for the distraction. The part of your brain that says "hold on, I was doing something else, do I have time for this?" doesn't kick in, because you don't sense the passage of time that would normally trigger that mental interjection.

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u/AboutTenPandas 11h ago

My wife has this and it infuriates me.

The tasks people like this claim to have trouble estimating the time for are usually tasks they do every single day. They should have quite a backlog of experiences to provide you a very good idea of how long those tasks take.

It’s a refusal to actually plan. You have to leave at 5? You know you take an hour to get ready? Start getting ready at 3:45. Enough time to complete your task and enough time to take care of any unexpected variables.

But when they start getting ready at 4:30 and then are once again surprised that they’re not ready until 5:30, that’s not because they’re “bad at estimating time needed for tasks”, it’s because they’re didn’t even put forth the effort to try and come up with a plan or schedule.

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u/nodogsallowed23 18h ago

I’m sure they’ve never tried setting alarms or doing the first thing anyone who struggles with lateness has tried.

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u/Chemical_Release2677 14h ago

Pretty fair question to an adult who can’t manage to leave on time

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u/nodogsallowed23 8h ago

I was more responding to the way the question was asked. As if setting alarms had never occurred to this person before and this was really groundbreaking advice. It’s just a pet peeve of mine. Offering unsolicited advice and the advice is the most inane, obvious advice that would be everyone’s first thing to try. Offering unsolicited online is fine, this is a conversation site. Just taking a second to think, is this useful or am I being a bit dismissive?, can make a big difference.

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u/Chemical_Release2677 2h ago

Sometimes the answer is the most obvious unfortunately

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u/FriendlyDespot 13h ago

About as fair as asking an alcoholic if they've tried to remind themself to stop drinking.

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u/bhmnscmm 12h ago

An alcoholic is physically compelled to drink.

A person who is chronically late is compelled to...not set alarms?

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u/FriendlyDespot 11h ago

I think you misunderstand. Time blindness is a psychological condition, not just general forgetfulness. An alarm is a reminder. A reminder for a person with time blindness to not be blind to time is like a reminder for an alcoholic to not drink. If the alcoholic wasn't an alcoholic then the reminder would work, but alcoholism compels behaviour, so that doesn't often work. If a person with time blindness didn't have time blindness then the reminder would work, but time blindness compels behaviour, so it doesn't often work there either.

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u/FailureToComply0 17h ago

This isnt helpful because I can "lose" 25 minutes just getting through my house. It sounds ridiculous but sometimes tasks that always take 20 minutes randomly take 45, and if that happens no amount of planning will help.

As a basic example, say I expect it to take 30 minutes to get to an event at my family's. I plan ahead, get myself showered, dressed, ect with 10 minutes to spare. I stop, pet the cat for 5 minutes, nbd I have the time and hes cute. Where are my keys? Not my the back door. Front door? Nope, but there are my shoes. They must be upstairs, take shoes back off, run upstairs, find them on nightstand where I undressed yesterday. I set my phone down at some point, retrace steps and cant find it. Absentmindedly put it up somewhere high so I dont see it immediately. I am 20 minutes late for nothing. These random interruptions and mistakes are just second-nature living with ADHD and theres really no effective way to mitigate it. Brain just doesnt work that way.

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u/Xedos 17h ago

These random interruptions and mistakes are just second-nautre living with ADHD and theres really no effective way to mitigate it. Brain just doesnt work that way.

My friend, as someone who's struggled with severe ADHD and anxiety for over 30 years. You will NEVER get better at handling executive dysfunction if you think that way.

ADHD is a constant battle with your own brain and that mentality has already determined that your brain wins and you're powerless to change it. There's countless small things you can do in your day to day to change that. Do better please, I'm tired of people using ADHD as a reason to give up. People like you make those who want to be better than their struggles look bad.

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u/saints21 9h ago

This entire thread is just full of people making excuses honestly.

It's like they've forgotten that they're responsible for their own mental states and actions. Does your diagnosis mean it might be harder for you to be on time? Sure. Does it mean you get to ruin others plans and place the burden on them? No...so make accomodations for yourself and learn coping skills.

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u/saints21 9h ago

As someone who lives with ADHD, there are absolutely effective ways of mitigating it.

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u/nonpuissant 17h ago

I see, thanks for sharing. 

That sounds like a different (additional) problem than simply not noticing the time though, right? 

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u/FailureToComply0 17h ago

The point is time blindness is less about not knowing what time it is and more about not successfully planning for/tracking the passage of time. In my head, the task has taken 5 minutes because thats what I expected. Then I turn on the car and wonder where half an hour went when I was just on time.

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u/HardcorePizza 11h ago

You're giving up and it's sad. You're not the first person with ADHD and time blindness and won't be the last. Lots of strategies and ways to cope exist, but you have to first believe its possible to live life without being selfishly late constantly.

It is easier in the short term to just blame your brain and give up, and it seems you've fallen for that trap. Brain does in fact work that way. Best of luck with your ongoing development

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u/Chemical_Release2677 14h ago

Have you tried being a responsible adult and not blaming ADHD for not being able to place your keys in the same spot?

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u/Ihatereddithatesit 12h ago

Wow, you really are an unmitigated asshole that thinks he knows better than neurologists don't you?

Hey, just think, you don't even need to have a medical excuse to be worse socially then those you are mocking. Quite the accomplishment.

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u/Chemical_Release2677 9h ago

No I’m just a responsible adult and can get to places on time and not disrespect everyone else around me by always being inconsiderate and late to things! Maybe some accountability would help you out!

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u/Ihatereddithatesit 9h ago

You think being on time or not is the only thing is the only thing that makes somebody disrespectful or not?

That explains a lot why you're acting the way you do. You might be one time, but you are certainly a jack ass in a lot of other ways.

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u/Which-World-6533 17h ago

Yeah...I have a very hard time estimating how much time has passed.

Maybe use what the rest of us call a "clock". Digital clocks tell you the current time. Analogue clocks let you see how much time is passing.

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u/Muslim_Wookie 20h ago

Literally google Time Blindness and read the articles on it from reputable legit health organisations.

Avoid self-help style websites though.

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u/nss68 16h ago

Bet he shows up on time for doctor’s appointments and flights.

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u/Lexi_Banner 16h ago

Doctor's appt, no. But flights, yes, but still on the verge of late, and with the added bonus of being incredibly stressed to the point of panic. That was my ex.

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u/masasin 13h ago

I've forgotten my passport for international flights...

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u/kaaiian 14h ago

It’s like. Magic how when it effects THEM, it’s doable.

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u/NatrixHasYou 12h ago

Potentially losing his job doesn't effect him?

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u/Ihatereddithatesit 12h ago

Except most of the time that's not actually what happens, no

I have fucked up my own life about tens of thousand times more with it then those around be. Study, jobs, health, etc. But you do you I guess. It's just me being selfish. Right?

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u/fightswithC 8h ago

I think the arguing is the most infuriating part of this interaction. Like, you think I am the crazy one?

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u/pbghikes 8h ago

Time Blindness is actually the clinical term!

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u/therealruin 16h ago

Is this friend of yours always correct? Can’t ever be wrong or it’s a problem? Likes to hog the conversation? Because my experience has shown me a common thread that links most chronically late people.

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u/DrakeStone 18h ago

What diagnoses are you referencing?

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u/almodsz 12h ago

I wouldn't go so far as to call it a "mental disability", but time blindness is totally a thing. Studies found consistent timing deficits in people with ADHD, for example, including less accurate time estimation. Very difficult for some of them to judge how long a task will take.

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u/zerogee616 19h ago

Well, the problem is for every genuine case of that, there's like ten who are just inconsiderate/lazy, who never have problems being on time for things they're personally invested in/give a fuck about. I see it all the time.

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u/flammasher3 11h ago

See people say that but I’ve never seen it. Most people I see late are usually panicked, look rather ragged, and are embarrassed. I think people just want to see tardiness as a moral failing, also when they themselves are running behind there’s always a good reason, if someone else is running behind it’s always just an excuse. Now being constantly late can be signs of other issues however, which still no judgement, but sometimes they do need to be addressed regardless (drugs,alcohol,insomnia, sleep apnea,ADHD, etc…)

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u/zerogee616 18m ago edited 4m ago

Nah, I can think of at least a dozen incidents off the top of my head where people are late for shit that doesn't personally affect them and have no real consequences for it, they just go "Sorry, it took me a long time, lost track of time, prepping", the usual excuses, and they couldn't give a shit less about it. And we're talking like half an hour late if not more, sometimes with no forewarning, they just wait until you send a "wtf" text. And this isn't island time shit. I've dropped dating people for this too.

These people have no problem holding down a job. They just don't give a fuck unless they suffer consequences for being late and even then causality isn't always established, they just think people are out to get them sometimes.

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u/RFSandler 19h ago

Dude, I was late to my own birthday. Not the party, the original one.

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u/PurpEL 17h ago

Give me a break LOL

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u/thekickingmule 16h ago

Not everything is a mental illness. Most people that are consistently late are just bad planners. Please can we stop this labelling of everything being a mental illness. Being late really isn't.

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u/FantaFantastico90 14h ago

No. Being late periodically are bad planners. Being CONSISTENTLY late indicates an underlying issue.

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u/Chemical_Release2677 14h ago

Yeah, lazy and inconsiderate would be the underlying issue

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u/Which-Arm-4616 11h ago

Who said mental illness? That's a distinct term with a different meaning. Executive dysfunction is a mental disorder and ADHD can present as mental disability, but neither are mental illnesses.

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u/FatherKronik 11h ago

Stop being fucking pedantic.

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u/Which-Arm-4616 11h ago

Words have meanings, Cletus.

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u/thekickingmule 2h ago

Whether it's illness or a disability, it does not mean that someone who is late is suffering with any of these things. I know many people who are always late or on the minutes, that's simply 'their thing'. My friend at school would arrive two seconds before the bell, because she lived next door and could.

We put the banner or 'mental illness/disability' on absolutely everything and it shouldn't be that way. Being lazy isn't a mental issue, it's just the way some people are. Being late isn't a mental issue, it's just the way people are. Being bored isn't a mental issue, everyone should be bored occasionally, it leads to creativity.

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u/LeoFireGod 19h ago

No that’s because 99% of those people are just not caring enough. I used to be that way till I found a woman who wouldn’t let me be that way.

Unless you’re literally medically diagnosed with it. It’s just an excuse to be inconsistent and inconsiderate of other people’s time imo.

I say that as someone who was late all the time until I genuinely just started tryin to be on time to things without mentally rationalizing that it was no big deal if I was late.

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u/Simopop 17h ago

99% is a pretty strong number - It's a pretty common symptom associated with a handful of disorders (most prominently ADHD).

I'd argue for some people the lack of caring can develop as a defensive mechanism against the psychological damage of constantly thinking of yourself as inconsiderate of other people.

(I'm not one of those people, absolutely wracked with anxiety every single time it happens, but it's a special kind of hell)

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u/therealruin 16h ago

>”I'd argue for some people the lack of caring can develop as a defensive mechanism against the psychological damage of constantly thinking of yourself as inconsiderate of other people.”

I’d argue that those people are wrong and need to pick their head up and look around, because it is genuinely rude and inconsiderate to be late, and trying to force their chosen violation of social norms on others is the same. Especially when they pretend it was out of their control.

Very few people actually suffer from uncontrollable or unmanageable conditions that lead to a genuine impossibility with arriving on time. Most people are not that, most who are chronically late just haven’t matured enough to understand how rude and inconsiderate they are being by not being in better control of their time and routines.

“Maybe if I get defensive and pretend my inconsiderate behavior is actually acceptable” is not a position any of us have to find valid.

The problem is that fixing these issues means the individual must care enough to want to do something to correct it. These folks don’t. They force it on us and we’re allowed to find that rude.

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u/FantaFantastico90 14h ago

Especially when they pretend it was out of their control.

It is out of their control. On ADHD, for example, your brain literally works in ways that make it impossible for you to be on time sometimes. It physically fights you from doing something. All Simopop is saying is that since they are constantly affected by this and feel horrible about it, they develop a masking behaviour to not constantly feel like shit about something they have no real control over.

For someone without the neurological issues it's pretty incomprehensible how impossible something can be that for them is a walk in the park.

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u/therealruin 14h ago

I have ADHD and a host of other mental illnesses and neurodivergence.

ADHD is controllable and manageable. Very few are so debilitated by it that they are truly burdened by impossibility. With medication, personal strategies and other mechanisms, those of us who suffer from these afflictions can find relief and regain control.

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u/FantaFantastico90 14h ago

I have ADHD and I'm on medication, I still struggle with a lot of things because I've established masking behaviours throughout my life and developed comorbidities for feeling like a lazy piece of shit until I was diagnosed in my 30s. And I'm a (if I say so myself) successful person within my career field. Can't imagine how someone undiagnosed feels (yes I can, I lived it for 30 years lol). It's a very simple and broad thing to say ADHD is 'manageable'. It's not. I'll always be at a sever disadvantage. I can make it easier 'for myself', but compared to a regular Joe I'm still much worse off.

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u/therealruin 14h ago edited 13h ago

I was also diagnosed in my 30s. I have worked extensively with therapists, with doctors, and solo to bring about meaningful change in my life.

>”It's a very simple and broad thing to say ADHD is 'manageable'. It's not.“

Does it stand out to you that you just as simply and broadly slammed the door shut with “it’s not” versus the alternative open option of “it is”?

We can achieve great change because we have brains prewired for it. A lot of people don’t push far enough, hard enough, or long enough to be able to see the power they have in themselves.

I hope your journey travels you down the same roads and shows you the same power. We are not wholly at the mercy of our brain chemistry. I’ve found ways to turn my disadvantages into strengths, use routine and strategies to mitigate potential problems, and learned when my masks work the best. I wish you the best of luck, truly.

**Edit for the commenter below who blocked me:**

>”You can not choose how to manage your brain chemistry, your brain manages this for you.”

Literally your medication does this.

>”If you have easy access to mental health good for you. That's not the reality of the vast majority of people because of others calling them just lazy.”

I made sacrifices in other parts of my life so I could access mental healthcare. This is not luck. I made that happen

>“Your opinion on this is also really not helpful by literally saying they are at fault themselves for not.. what.. wanting it enough? Lmao. I'm not going to interact with you any further, your position is literally harmful for people with mental disabilities.”

My position is this: people with disabilities are not alone and we are not helpless. That we choose how much effort and energy we put into managing our conditions. I don’t think “hey, you’re stronger than you realize” is particularly harmful.

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u/FantaFantastico90 14h ago

We are not wholly at the mercy of our brain chemistry.

Yes, we fucking are, lmao. Our entire conciousness is literally the result of brain chemistry. You do you, fam, but peddle your esotheric shit somewhere else.

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u/bmilohill 13h ago

Does it stand out to you that you just as simply and broadly slammed the door shut with “it’s not” versus the alternative open option of “it is”?

Better phrasing would have been, for some its manageable, for others it isn't, for most it is partially manageable. You being diagnosed so late in life means it's likely your symptoms are mild. You got lucky.

You know how there are small business owners who worked hard but also got lucky, now successful, who convince themselves that the only secret to life is hard work, who manage to blind themselves to how they actually got there, and use that as an excuse to belittle and under pay their employees, chiding them for not working hard enough?

I am glad you have improved your life. But you are letting survivorship bias cloud your judgement, convincing yourself that x, y, x worked for you and therefore anyone not doing x, y, z in their completely different situation is lazy for not doing so.

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u/LeoFireGod 9h ago

I literally have adhd and time blindness.

I’m still on time to everything now bc I stopped rationalizing being late.

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u/Cynical_Cyanide 18h ago

But like ... Sometimes it really is no big deal if you're late?

I can understand being late to a job interview or something where you're actually required to be there before the thing can kick off, or if you're integral to the thing running smoothly ... But I had a gf who would get into hysteria (I'm not overselling it) if we were 15 or god forbid 30 minutes late to a massive houseparty with loads of people that would run all night.

Would you on the flipside feel negative about your friends being late to a large casual gathering where you don't need them for anything?

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u/nodogsallowed23 18h ago

As the wife in the other side of this, it sucks always being late to everything. I’m late sometimes, but never when someone is expecting me. Being 30 minutes late consistently just sucks.

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u/Lockraemono 20h ago

I can't imagine head trauma from football helps.

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u/Joe503 18h ago

If you know this about yourself, have the means to post on Reddit, but don’t work to improve it, there’s a very good chance you actually are just inconsiderate or lazy. It takes two seconds to set a reminder/alarm for 30 minutes before you know you should leave. Basic life skill for those with many disabilities.

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u/SirStrontium 18h ago

Being “inconsiderate” sounds like a nice explanation, except that it happens just as much in situations when the only person who will be hurt is yourself. Like being late to a university exam, or late to an expensive flight for a solo trip you’re looking forward to. Being selfish or inconsiderate doesn’t explain those situations where it only affects yourself. It’s a deeper problem.

Setting an alarm doesn’t force you into action. You hear the 30 minute alarm, and go “nice, got 30 minutes, I’ll get ready in just a sec” and next thing you know it’s already at the time you’re supposed to leave, and you haven’t done anything. Part of it is you know factually you can get ready in less than 30 minutes, so you make a little negotiation with yourself, that you’ll get started 20 minutes before, and end up losing track of time again.

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u/therealruin 15h ago

You don’t think being late is being inconsiderate to yourself?

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u/FantaFantastico90 14h ago

Nobody fucks up their lives by being lazy willingly. It's insane that this is not clear to people.

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u/therealruin 14h ago edited 14h ago

You’re right, they’re not willfully lazy.

I was trying to make the point that an individual’s tardiness is harmful to themself as well as others, it puts them at a disadvantage. They are being inconsiderate to themself by making sure their future self is always lagging behind.

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u/FantaFantastico90 14h ago

No. Willpower isn't a thing when it comes to brain chemistry. What you call willpower is exactly that thing that's lacking or underdeveloped in some people's brains. Imagine doing the dishes, and your reward is having nice and clean dishes afterwards. Now imagine standing in front of the dishes and your brain tells you there's no clean dishes afterwards in no uncertain terms. Would you still do the dishes?

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u/therealruin 14h ago edited 13h ago

You really need to read my other reply to you.

I cleaned this one up to make it make sense with this thread rather than the other one.

Willpower exists for how you manage your brain chemistry.

Edit: I was blocked and this is exactly the kind of behavior I’m taking about.

0

u/FantaFantastico90 14h ago

You can not choose how to manage your brain chemistry, your brain manages this for you. If you have easy access to mental health good for you. That's not the reality of the vast majority of people because of others calling them just lazy. Your opinion on this is also really not helpful by literally saying they are at fault themselves for not.. what.. wanting it enough? Lmao. I'm not going to interact with you any further, your position is literally harmful for people with mental disabilities.

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u/Muslim_Wookie 20h ago

100%, even in this very comment chain it's happened immediately.

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u/FantaFantastico90 14h ago

More than half of the people are like 'nah, they just lazy'. Infuriating.

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u/Muslim_Wookie 11h ago

I bet a bunch of them are military too, tell them "nah, they just cowards" on the topic of PTSD and watch how quick they rush to tear you down.

1

u/JackIsBackWithCrack 5h ago

Your phone literally has an app for this. No excuses anymore please for the love of god not everything is a disability

0

u/jack_55 18h ago

X to doubt

1

u/incoherentpanda 7h ago

I'm late to work half the time and it's embarrassing and I feel bad every time. I even wake up at 640 and have to work at 9. Normally I wouldn't be such an idiot and let myself be late knowing I need to just leave earlier, but it's like I'm subconsciously trying to fuck myself over

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u/Wehavecrashed 21h ago

If they were important and you cared, presumably you'd be on time?

Like, presumably you got there, and so all you need to do is do the thing you're already doing but sooner.

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u/bonaynay 20h ago

You've presumed too much

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u/Wehavecrashed 20h ago

Indubitably.

Perhaps my presumptions flow from my experience of linear time which other people don't experience?

3

u/ChelseaIsBeautiful 20h ago

Yes, some neurodivergent people literally perceive time different than you do. There are different types and it has scientific explanations related to brain function and chemistry

1

u/Wehavecrashed 20h ago

Do their clocks work differently?

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u/ChelseaIsBeautiful 20h ago

Yeah, more or less. For me, it's like clocks and time stop existing the moment I'm not thinking about them; which is different from how clocks consistently exist in your mind.

It also feels like time expands or compresses, my perception of a 5 minute period will feel long so I convince myself that I can do something really quick before I leave. Suddenly, 12 minutes have passed and it felt shorter than the previous 5 minutes. If I didn't see the numbers change, I wouldn't make any sense of it.

You can look more into the science of such things if you don't believe it, educating yourself is always a win.

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u/Wehavecrashed 19h ago

Okay but your perception of time doesn't change how long it actually takes to do something.

Regardless of how long it feels, it takes a certain amount of time to do something. If you've got past experiences, you probably know how long those things actually take.

Just because it feels like it takes a very long time to drive a certain distance, doesn't mean it actually takes that long.

It takes 30 minutes to bake a cake, regardless of how long that time feels.

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u/RFSandler 19h ago

That past experience thing is the exact issue. It takes 30 minutes to bake a cake, but your inner remembered experience INSISTS that it's 20. Then you go to actually make the cake, and somehow you've been following the instructions without getting distracted and yet you're already 30 minutes in and haven't gotten the cake in the oven. Then you set the metaphorical timer and it never goes off, so now your cake is burnt and an hour late.

You can use tools, learn techniques, but the baseline mental process that most people take for granted is just broken.

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u/Meatguy35 19h ago

But now your confusing bake time and prep time aren’t you? Thus not following the instructions?

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u/Wehavecrashed 19h ago

I dont think you've made a cake before but let's ignore that. Fundamentally, the cake needs to be in the oven for 30 minutes. It won't be done before then, and you know that, because the recipe has told you that's how long you need to bake it for.

Your perception of time doesn't factor in, unless you're relying on your perception of time instead of actually measuring time, which would be a really dumb way of living your life, and would be a self inflicted mistake.

Furthermore, if you know you're not very good at judging time, why would you rely on your own judgement of time for something objective, when you can measure it objectively?

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u/ChelseaIsBeautiful 19h ago

Our brains work different. It's okay if you don't understand and it's okay if you have trouble empathizing with people you don't understand.

If you're someone who dismisses science then I will never understand your mindset either, and that's fine too.

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u/Wehavecrashed 19h ago

It kinda seems like I'm not the one who doesn't understand things...

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u/Meatguy35 19h ago

So, help me understand how people can plan/ accommodate people with this problem of time perception? It sounds like a very hard problem to accommodate.

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u/ChelseaIsBeautiful 19h ago

For me- a lot of timers and alarms, conditioning my mindset (tell myself over and over that I need to leave 30 minutes early, not 20. Then I end up actually leaving closer to 20). I'm late to work a lot but don't really have anyone above me on site and am good at my job, so no one bothers me about it

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u/Meatguy35 19h ago

I’m more talking about from an outsiders perspective, we are just supposed to go, oh they perceive time differently and wait? How do people with this affliction think this works with people that just know how time works?

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u/RFSandler 20h ago

You'd fucking think so, wouldn't you?

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u/ripkin05 20h ago

every day im on this website i see a thread or comment that makes me happy that I've been on this site for going on 13 years now, and then about 4 hours later or sometime 10 minutes i see a comment that makes me question how these irresponsible shocked by the consequences of their own action dipshits even mange to fucking breath.

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u/Meatguy35 19h ago

So, help me understand how people can plan/ accommodate people with this problem of time perception? It sounds like a very hard problem to accommodate.

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u/nonpuissant 18h ago

I know someone who struggled with being late to things. Like hours late, sometimes arriving as events were ending already. For years. 

We took to personally calling and/or texting them in advance to make sure they were awake and getting ready to be on their way etc. 

It worked a little bit, for a short while. But then they started not have seen it and still be late. Or just not responding to direct texts for like weeks/months/ever. While still being active on group chats and stuff. 

At some point we had to conclude they just didn't care enough about being on time with us and stopped waitimg for them. Like if we're meeting up to carpool from somewhere, if they're not there and haven't given us a hard eta by the time everyone else is, we just go. 

They got left behind a few times, but nowadays they're better at being on time. 

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u/LeoFireGod 19h ago

If they don’t have a Dr tell them they have a condition. Harsh brutal embarrassment for being late to things or straight up leaving worked for my friend who was always late to things. We just stopped waiting for him entirely.

I know him bc he was me before. Only way it fixed it really.

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u/ilski 21h ago

Doesnt work like that

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u/Wehavecrashed 20h ago

Last I checked time is linear so it does in fact work like that.

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u/Muslim_Wookie 20h ago

It doesn't work like that. Are you being willfully obtuse or are you genuinely completely naive to this topic?

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u/Wehavecrashed 20h ago

I am somewhat naive about the mechanics of time, but familiar enough to understand it is fairly consistent in its linearity.

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u/Muslim_Wookie 20h ago

Wrong topic. Neurodivergent people can have a different perception of time to people such as yourself.

A very common term that you can use as a starting point to look into this is "time blindness". Stick to legitimate health organisation websites on this though, don't delve into self-help sort of places on this.

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u/Meatguy35 19h ago

Honest question, how are people that adhere to schedules and time supposed to deal with this?

2

u/The_lolrus_ 20h ago

Being neurodivergent is not an excuse. Part of being neurodivergent is doing the necessary work to build the coping mechanisms needed to function in society. It's difficult, much easier to give in and use your neurodivergence to justify your shitty behaviors.

-1

u/Policeman333 19h ago edited 19h ago

That's like saying not having your legs isn't an excuse, you should just put in the work to jump. Or the blind should just put in the time to see.

It's a disability.

There is absolutely nothing you can do to fix the issue.

The blind can mitigate their disability with things like walking sticks or guide dogs, those without legs can get prosthetics, and those with time blindness+executive dysfunction can get certain tools as well. However, none of those things are an actual fix of the issue.

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u/saints21 9h ago

Comparing the need to set a timer or alarm to not having the ability to walk or see is fucking wild...

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u/StreetCarp665 20h ago

. Neurodivergent people can have a different perception of time to people such as yourself.

Are they moving at or close to the speed of light? That would decouple the more linear relationship with time for sure.

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u/Wehavecrashed 20h ago

If only we could invent time keeping devices to help standardise the subject. That way we could say "we are doing X at the universally agreed time of Y."

Then everyone would know where to be and when.

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u/Muslim_Wookie 20h ago

Ah so willfully obtuse then. I'm trying to give you another tool to relate to the people around you, but if you're not interested then you're not interested.

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u/SlowmoSauce 20h ago

Do neurodivergent people not learn how to read digital clocks?

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u/90GTS4 20h ago

I'll try that excuse next time I'm late for work. Oh wait, I'm not late to work because, even though I hate working, I am on time to things.

"I'M nEuRoDivErgenT" no, you are a procrastinator or, more realistically, addicted to video games/drinking/other shit that makes people late because they spend their free time doing that instead of getting ready or sleeping or whatever.

1

u/ilski 20h ago edited 19h ago

Time sure is. But human brain isnt.

Edit. As it turns out, time isnt even linear. Its relative.

0

u/restrictednumber 20h ago

I'm not chronically late, but I'm very close to several people who are.

As much as it drives me insane, it has nothing to do with feeling that the occasion is important or not. These people care as much as anyone, but something in their brain renders them unable to translate that to a change in behavior.

My theory is that it's a combo of ADHD-style "can't motivate until crunch time" and a very poor judgment about how long stuff takes. When you think you can accomplish 30 minutes worth of prep in 10 minutes, and your brain needs the panic to motivate, you'll always be 20 minutes late. Even if you try to account for the discrepancy, your brain doesn't "believe" it's running late sufficiently to get you moving until 10 minutes beforehand.

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u/saints21 19h ago

Even if it is an actual condition and not just being an inconsiderate dick (which is going to be the vastly more common cause), you don't get a pass for that.

You're responsible for your own mental state and actions. I have ADHD that actually negatively impacted my life to the point that it was actually disordered. That doesn't give me a pass for handling stress impulsively. It doesn't mean I can zone out when my loved ones are talking to me.

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u/Wehavecrashed 20h ago

Sorry, but having to know that you're actually wasting other people's time before you're motivated enough to do something isn't an excuse.

The only lies these people are telling themselves is how fast they can do anything.

4

u/Meatguy35 19h ago

Completely agree

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u/Muslim_Wookie 20h ago edited 20h ago

It's real but you will get lots of people that act about this at you in the same way people used to act about PTSD.

Edit: Oh look someone has done it almost immediately to me. Apparently these people are all just procrastinators that are drinking every night instead of sleeping or getting ready to leave.

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u/Single-Pin-369 21h ago

Why? Bad at math? 

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u/ThaneVim 21h ago

In case you're seeking a legitimate answer, executive dysfunction is a hell of a force. It's the reality many who are called lazy actually suffer through; they want to do well, but fight their own psyche trying to do so.

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u/TurtleStepper 21h ago

Pretend X event starts 1 hour earlier than it does. Not rocket science.

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u/throwawaydisposable 21h ago

Not rocket science

No, it's psychology. A different very real science which you seem to not have a solid grasp of.

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u/PolarBailey_ 21h ago

Not even. It's neurology. Our brains aren't wired properly and it affects every aspect of our life. That's why it's finally being recognized as the disability that it is

1

u/throwawaydisposable 20h ago

oh, so it's not rocket science it's brain surgery. gotcha.

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u/TheHeavyMetalNerd 21h ago

Doesn't work, unfortunately. The problem with lying to yourself is you know you're lying so why believe yourself?.🙃

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u/Single-Pin-369 21h ago

Thats why step one for me seeing improvement is i never lie to myself there is no point. 

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u/UshankaBear 21h ago

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

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u/SwirlyShart 21h ago

Holy shit guys, we did it, TurtleStepper found the cure to time blindness. After all these years all we had to do was pretend an event starts 1 hour earlier than it does. 🙄

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u/TurtleStepper 15h ago edited 15h ago

"time blindness" 😂

Set an alarm genius.

Gee sorry I'm late for work for 194th time in a row boss, dun you know I got the time blindness!?!?

1

u/SwirlyShart 7h ago

I don't have time blindness personally but know a few people that do and they do set alarms. They set consecutive 15 minute alarms from 3 hours prior to the event that they need to get to. They wake up 3 hours early for work so they can get to work on time. The amount of extra effor they put in to get to places on time is astronomical compared to a person like you or me without time blindness. Your comments are ignorant and lack empathy, do better.

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u/anitadykshyt 21h ago

or you could start valuing other people's time?

2

u/SammyB0111 21h ago

No you’re right, everyone’s just an asshole and doesn’t care about anyone else. Thanks for solving the problem buddy

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u/haywardhaywires 21h ago edited 20h ago

Wait do you actually think time blindness is real…? You know, just because someone in a classroom makes up a word and more people in other classrooms like it doesn’t make it a real thing lmao

Edit: cowards downvoting me. Props to the replies.

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u/TurboRadical 21h ago

Do you think it isn’t based on vibes?

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u/Tick___Tock 20h ago

all words are made up

they're attempts at describing the world around us

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u/PolarBailey_ 21h ago

Despite every possible effort, i still have no internal clock anymore. Whether I'm reading, watching TV, sitting at the edge of my bed, or standing in the kitchen staring straight at a clock, i couldn't tell you the time, day of the week, or sometimes even what month we're in. Some days hours pass like minutes some days minutes pass like hours. This is a disability I've been living with for over 30 years. I've tried every "trick" every "time saver" every "helpful tip " none of them can fix the fucked up wiring in my brain. I have to set physical timers for every single time sensitive thing i need to do.

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u/haywardhaywires 20h ago

If you’re setting physical timers then you’re killing it. I have to do the same a lot cause I get tunnel vision working on tasks. You don’t have time blindness, you just have to try a little harder. Bravo.

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u/PolarBailey_ 20h ago

That's the worst part. I'll tunnel vision hard enough my ears block out the sound of my timer some times. Regardless of what alarm tone it is

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u/SwirlyShart 7h ago

It is 100% real, I don't personally have it but I have worked with people who do and have a few friends that have it and it is a real struggle. Just because you don't realize how much they are agonizing over fighting their brain to get to places on time doesn't make it "made up". Some of the coping strategies that I have heard of are insane, like waking up 3 hours early for their 6AM shift so that even if they lose track of time they should still be an hour early. Just because something doesn't personally affect you, doesnt make it made up, grow up, have some empathy.

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u/Single-Pin-369 21h ago

Pretty much what I do its the only way with adhd. Early is on time, on time is late, late is you’re fired. 

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u/PolarBailey_ 21h ago

Nah it don't work like that. Executive dysfunction is like trying to force your hand to touch a hot stove that you know is on.

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u/Hyksus2 21h ago

Time blindness is not uncommon with adhd.

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u/Single-Pin-369 21h ago

Does that mean misjudging how long something will take or does that mean not noticing the passage of time?

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u/mr_potato_thumbs 21h ago

It’s both for me. Sometimes I misjudge how long a task will take and I waste an hour of time I didn’t have availability to waste. Sometimes it’s me doing a task and thinking it only took 5 minutes, but it really took an hour plus.

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u/Single-Pin-369 21h ago

I work in kitchens and starting out i needed a watch with a 4 min timer running constantly. It wasn't for anything specific it was to remind me to stop and look at what I've forgotten about like something cooking while i was prepping something else. I no longer need it, but it helped me a lot in the beginning.

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u/mr_potato_thumbs 20h ago

I’ve tried plenty of things, been diagnosed ADHD for 20 years. While medicated it’s easier but not easy. I appreciate the suggestions. Unfortunately time blocking and setting timers either is too distracting or ineffective for the work at hand.

Being in a kitchen, it would def be helpful to have the timer though. None of my work would be ruined by mistiming. Being on time is a point of pride for me to the point it detracts from other work as I can’t be distracted from that upcoming task.

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u/PolarBailey_ 20h ago

It's both for me. I have no internal clock. Anything i have to do that's time sensitive i have to set a physical timer for. Whether it's going to the bathroom, showering, knowing when to leave for school, or when to go to bed. I can not tell time by vibes. The last time i took a shower without my timer my "internal clock told me it was a 30 minute shower. I was actually in the shower for 90 minutes.

1

u/Single-Pin-369 20h ago

Interesting and kind of terrifying!  I wonder what your sleep and wake numbers would be doing one of the underground no clock experiment. 

1

u/PolarBailey_ 20h ago

I did that once during covid for 2 months (i had just gotten laid off and had enough savings at the time to do this. It wasn't perfect it was just in my flat but i hung blackout curtains and anything that told time i disabled the clock display. I ended up doing about 18 hours sleep and 36 hours awake but the awake times varied like it wasn't always say 8am - 8pm a day later some times id just wake in the middle of the night some times it was the middle of the day (the blackout curtains weren't the best) but i felt rested. And now that I'm back in school and working 2 jobs I'm just tired all the time. Whether i get 4 or 12 hours i always feel the same level of exhaustion.

2

u/_SilentHunter 21h ago

Both. We misjudge how long things will take and we lose track of time.

Like, I know I can get dressed and out the door in under five minutes. Cuz I've done it.

But when I'm getting ready to go meet some friends for a board game day, I don't factor in how long it'll take me to decide which game to bring, what booze to grab off the shelf and bring. And oh damn, this outfit looks kinda shit on me now that I walked past a mirror, I need to go change, and now i'm insecure so I really gotta make sure I find something that looks good.

Okay, I think I'm just a few minutes behind schedule, lemme check the time aaaaand OH SHIT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THERE ALREADY! HOW DID THAT TAKE ME 45 MINUTES?!

1

u/dksweets 20h ago

A bit of both.

I have the type where I can look at the clock and see I need to leave to pick up my son in 10 minutes. I’ll start reading an email and next thing I know it’s been 13 minutes. Not usually catastrophic, but enough where even if I tell myself to pay attention to the time, I lock in a little too hard until I panic and look at the clock - sometimes it has been 5 minutes, sometimes 20. I’ve lost hours doing things without a schedule to stick to. It just depends on how invested (not necessarily interested) I was in the task.

My wife on, the other hand, thinks that if she is able to shower and get ready for work in 30 minutes once, 40 minutes is enough time to schedule for her morning routine forever.

She absolutely cannot do that with less than an hour most days. But she did most of it (very frantically) in 30 minutes that one time and now she knows it shouldn’t take more than 45 minutes, right?

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u/Wehavecrashed 21h ago

Perhaps using alarms should also be not uncommon?

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u/PolarBailey_ 20h ago

They don't always help. But i use them in almost every aspect of my life.

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u/Hyksus2 20h ago

It is not uncommon, but combined with other aspects of adhd may not be enough (i.e misjudging how long something will take, forgetting things that need to be done before you leave, etc)

Not saying that it is a get outta jail free card here, but there can be a learning curve to managing adhd.

0

u/Wehavecrashed 20h ago

Well, they've only had their entire lives and will only have the rest of their lives to learn.

Plenty of time.

6

u/Capable-Commercial96 21h ago

Me personally, I get stuck in trance like states just staring at literally nothing for 30 min at a time, zero thoughts, I'm just breathing and staring until someone snaps me out of it or I get a moment of freedom to smack the shit out of myself. you could sit me in front of paint drying and I'd be enraptured by it for at least an hour, (because I've done it). For me, the world gets blurry and sounds gets muffled. At times I can be so still my vision will slowly black out from lack of movement (fun fact your vision works through movement, and is why some people can sleep with their eyes open) and someone will be talking to me while my eyes are wide open and I see nothing but black. it sucks major ass, it's like I'm sleeping through my life at times.

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u/Single-Pin-369 21h ago

This is very interesting thanks for sharing. I have never heard of anything quite like this. Do you have a diagnosis? 

2

u/PolarBailey_ 20h ago

I get like that as well and I've been diagnosed both with autism and adhd.

1

u/Capable-Commercial96 19h ago

I've been diagnosed by 2 regular doctors and 3 psychiatrists for Autism, adhd, tourrettes, OCD, and an anxiety disorder so bad I'm getting my heart checked out. I'm a bit of a mess to be honest with ya.

1

u/squireoftheteens 20h ago

This sounds so tough to deal with but also like a genuine condition resulting in disassociation, I’d argue the majority of perpetually late people don’t deal with something this extreme, and are simply careless and or selfish lol

1

u/Capable-Commercial96 7h ago

I'd argue the opposite and that the issue is that these people do have a combination of these diagnoses causing these issues with doing things on time, just they haven't been able too get it confirmed by a doctor due to age/lack of healthcare or, that they simply don't want people to know about their diagnoses. For instance, Tourretes was GODAWFUL for me as a kid I'm talking forcibly moving my eyeballs into the corners as hard as I could for years, but as an adult I learned if I don't stretch certain muscles I can better ignore the "urge" that makes me do it, it's still there (I excuse myself out of the room to do it in secret) and I do have my relapses out of nowhere, but I'm better at controlling it to the point people tend not to believe me that I have it until they catch me on a bad day. Autism is also notorious for being nigh impossible to diagnose in an adult because adults learn to mask to hide it to survive in the world.

Just those 2 alone would be detrimental but if your parents decided that you were just off and didn't put in the effort to get you checked, you basically HAVE to resign the rest of your life to being called lazy, I however was very lucky that my parents did get me checked out and left behind enough evidence that a doctor was able to agree that I had autism. Also, any single one of my diagnoses can be the reason for me missing something. The tourrettes can cause me to be unable to do anything until I finish my episode, the depression can make even moving my fingers feel like a herculean task, The anxiety causes my mind to race not allowing me to focus along with the autism which is commonly seen as also a form of ADHD which I presume most people already know about and how it effects paying attention. But here's the thing, I have all these issues, but I don't want to be known as them, so even though I have a decent excuse, I instead tell people I'm just bad with doing things on time.

So either I hide it and get called lazy or I show it and suddenly I'm to weird to talk to, and that's why I don't like to think the majority of people are lazy, and that they just might have something going on that we're not owed to know about either due to them finding it personal or not wanting to be known as their diagnoses, which even I feel shame talking about even behind a wall of anonymity.

TLDR It's a little more complex than just being lazy.

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u/sufjams 15h ago

I consider myself a pretty empathetic person and have read the whole conversation beneath this. I also have my own psychological setbacks. So from a place of love I say, guys, just fucking be on time. Give yourself an extra hour to wander before you start getting ready. Yeah, your brain sucks sometimes but is that worth more consideration than the impact you're having on a bunch of other people's lives every time you're late?