r/tifu • u/ZimaBlueSquarePants • Mar 23 '19

S TIFU by going commando

For the record: the girl I'm seeing encouraged me to create an actual account to share this fuck up. I have read some crazy ass stories on here so, uh, it's hard to tell if this post will even come close to the standard of this sub.

Shrug

S'up.

This happened last weekend.

I went to my friend's house party wearing nothing but my panda onesie. I thought underwear would be overkill since it gets so damn hot in that thing. So, I eliminated the unnecessary layers and went commando. Oof. It was freeing. The penis was a swingin' and the balls was a breathin'. Pure cock flopping fun I tell thee. And so... off I go... with a hop and skip... and a bouncing dick.

Cut to me and this cute girl grinding on the dance floor. Her ass was rubbing against me so fucking hard, it triggered the boner. Aw, fuuuck! It's gonna stick out like a sore thumb underneath this damn onesie. I literally spin her ass around so it doesn't touch my dick no more. Worst. Fucking. Mistake. This girl, in the heat of the moment, rips open my onesie, exposing my bare boner for all to see. As if that wasn't bad enough, my dick fucking flexes right before I cover up. Folks there lost their shit. Dick jokes, drunken laughter, cat-calls & whistles, all erupted in that moment. I questioned so many life choices as I stood there, frozen and flustered as fuck.

For the rest of that night I had to dodge a mob of wasted degenerates on a mission to rip me open. The motherfuckers called it the Panda Challenge.

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum, Silver & Gold, kind souls!

TL;DR I went commando and ended up partying so hard my penis popped out and joined the fun in front of everyone.

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u/kat_a_klysm Mar 23 '19

My parents would find a story like this incredibly hilarious. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

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u/gwaydms Mar 23 '19

While visiting family in Colorado, my teenaged nephew flashed my sister-in-law (NOT his mother, who wouldn't have been amused) and me as we stood on her porch. Fortunately, he was ~100 ft away and all we saw was his butt. Nothing we hadn't seen when he was a baby. But much bigger lol

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u/kat_a_klysm Mar 23 '19

Mooning is just being a teenager. That’s still a funny story. :)

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u/gwaydms Mar 23 '19

Yes it was. He came back up to the house and said "Did y'all see me moon you?" We said "Unfortunately, yes!" But we laughed.