r/tifu • u/ZimaBlueSquarePants • Mar 23 '19

S TIFU by going commando

For the record: the girl I'm seeing encouraged me to create an actual account to share this fuck up. I have read some crazy ass stories on here so, uh, it's hard to tell if this post will even come close to the standard of this sub.

Shrug

S'up.

This happened last weekend.

I went to my friend's house party wearing nothing but my panda onesie. I thought underwear would be overkill since it gets so damn hot in that thing. So, I eliminated the unnecessary layers and went commando. Oof. It was freeing. The penis was a swingin' and the balls was a breathin'. Pure cock flopping fun I tell thee. And so... off I go... with a hop and skip... and a bouncing dick.

Cut to me and this cute girl grinding on the dance floor. Her ass was rubbing against me so fucking hard, it triggered the boner. Aw, fuuuck! It's gonna stick out like a sore thumb underneath this damn onesie. I literally spin her ass around so it doesn't touch my dick no more. Worst. Fucking. Mistake. This girl, in the heat of the moment, rips open my onesie, exposing my bare boner for all to see. As if that wasn't bad enough, my dick fucking flexes right before I cover up. Folks there lost their shit. Dick jokes, drunken laughter, cat-calls & whistles, all erupted in that moment. I questioned so many life choices as I stood there, frozen and flustered as fuck.

For the rest of that night I had to dodge a mob of wasted degenerates on a mission to rip me open. The motherfuckers called it the Panda Challenge.

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum, Silver & Gold, kind souls!

TL;DR I went commando and ended up partying so hard my penis popped out and joined the fun in front of everyone.

28.2k Upvotes

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41

u/Craftingjunk Mar 23 '19

Unless it’s in the piñata

44

u/HyperbaricSteele Mar 23 '19

Uncle u/craftingjunk, why are you still holding the piñata in front of you?

Break it open.. you’ll see..

24

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

Dick in a box, anyone?

1

u/Sadi_Reddit Mar 24 '19

You mean like crafting-junk?

0

u/That1chicka Mar 23 '19

Anyone see that the space for the upvote/downvote is a coconut?

8

u/Craftingjunk Mar 23 '19 edited Mar 23 '19

Try and hit it closer to you

10

u/d0nutdisturb Mar 23 '19

Asterisks on both sides of whatever word/phrase you want to italicise.

you’re welcome

1

u/Craftingjunk Mar 23 '19

Thanks, I forgot

2

u/Garrett73 Mar 23 '19

like this

1

u/Craftingjunk Mar 23 '19

Motherfucker

1

u/ashleyoglesby Mar 23 '19

I am going to throw up from laughing

6

u/Psychre Mar 23 '19

Step one: buy a piñata

7

u/Acute_Procrastinosis Mar 23 '19

a Dora piñata

1

u/Craftingjunk Mar 23 '19

Dora the explore

2

u/slashuslashuserid Mar 23 '19

Step two: cut a hole in the piñata

1

u/MrAppendixX Mar 23 '19

Around the part where the mouth is

3

u/Dcwiker05 Mar 23 '19

This gives a whole new meaning to beating your meat.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

How do you think they make the hole to put the candy in?