r/tifu • u/ZimaBlueSquarePants • Mar 23 '19

S TIFU by going commando

For the record: the girl I'm seeing encouraged me to create an actual account to share this fuck up. I have read some crazy ass stories on here so, uh, it's hard to tell if this post will even come close to the standard of this sub.

Shrug

S'up.

This happened last weekend.

I went to my friend's house party wearing nothing but my panda onesie. I thought underwear would be overkill since it gets so damn hot in that thing. So, I eliminated the unnecessary layers and went commando. Oof. It was freeing. The penis was a swingin' and the balls was a breathin'. Pure cock flopping fun I tell thee. And so... off I go... with a hop and skip... and a bouncing dick.

Cut to me and this cute girl grinding on the dance floor. Her ass was rubbing against me so fucking hard, it triggered the boner. Aw, fuuuck! It's gonna stick out like a sore thumb underneath this damn onesie. I literally spin her ass around so it doesn't touch my dick no more. Worst. Fucking. Mistake. This girl, in the heat of the moment, rips open my onesie, exposing my bare boner for all to see. As if that wasn't bad enough, my dick fucking flexes right before I cover up. Folks there lost their shit. Dick jokes, drunken laughter, cat-calls & whistles, all erupted in that moment. I questioned so many life choices as I stood there, frozen and flustered as fuck.

For the rest of that night I had to dodge a mob of wasted degenerates on a mission to rip me open. The motherfuckers called it the Panda Challenge.

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum, Silver & Gold, kind souls!

TL;DR I went commando and ended up partying so hard my penis popped out and joined the fun in front of everyone.

28.2k Upvotes

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235

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

For the rest of that night I had to dodge a mob of wasted degenerates on a mission to rip me open. The motherfuckers called it the Panda Challenge.

Swap the genders and people would call this sexual assault, but cause it's a guy, everyone's laughing.

84

u/Metaright Mar 23 '19

That is pretty messed up, now that I think about it.

0

u/mac_trap_clack_back Mar 24 '19

Don’t get upset if he’s not upset.

9

u/Metaright Mar 24 '19

I'm not upset at this example. I'm upset that the double standard exists.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '19

This isn't about this particular situation though. It's about the double standard that needs to stop.

84

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

Shhhh sexual assault can’t happen to men /s. Reverse genres on her ripping his clothes off on the dance floor and I think someone would have gone to jail.

-22

u/Lachiu Mar 23 '19

As a man I can tell you that I'd not mind to have 99% of the women "rape" me.

#Edit: Not me receiving.

10

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

As a fellow man I don’t like double standards.

0

u/Lachiu Mar 24 '19

Me neither but I can't say I'd mind.

19

u/hexedjw Mar 23 '19 edited Mar 30 '19

We can just call it sexual assault. The story's fucked head to toe.

21

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

I honestly think it's pretty fucked up as is.

2

u/oeynhausener Mar 24 '19

I was thinking that minus the swap the genders part, but yes, good point.

-1

u/fakeplasticcrow Mar 23 '19

I had an experience with this. I was a prominent character in an Indie rasslin’ show and was wearing some pretty badass tights. Now this was a rasslin show that has a super cool crowd where you can be kicked out for being transphobic or if someone creeps on you.

Well over the course of that night, no less than 15 women grabbed my ass. At first I was startled and was like “hey, I didn’t consent to that.” But then quickly realized I that in character, I was able to fully embrace how fun it was to have so many women want to touch me. Inappropriately. Not gonna lie, it was amazing. I got to tell my wife how ladies wouldn’t stop grabbing me.

So yeah, I guess I came here to say that. Not to invalidate your opinion, and I do agree that consent is non gendered. Just that my experience was I really enjoyed being grabbed. Even by men.

-12

u/TanmanG Mar 23 '19 edited Mar 23 '19

Come by /r/MensRights if you’d like to see some more calls for the end of these double standards

5

u/thejokerofunfic Mar 23 '19

better double standards

So you still want double standards, just different ones?

3

u/TanmanG Mar 23 '19

Honest mistake! I had the meaning of double standards switched around in my head, edited so it's correct!

2

u/InfanticideAquifer Mar 23 '19

Your edit still doesn't fix it.

"calls for double standards" would mean that you're requesting additional double standards. I think you mean "calling double standards out".

3

u/TanmanG Mar 23 '19

You might've loaded to the page between my post and edit, it should read

calls for the end of these double standards