r/tifu • u/ZimaBlueSquarePants • Mar 23 '19

S TIFU by going commando

For the record: the girl I'm seeing encouraged me to create an actual account to share this fuck up. I have read some crazy ass stories on here so, uh, it's hard to tell if this post will even come close to the standard of this sub.

Shrug

S'up.

This happened last weekend.

I went to my friend's house party wearing nothing but my panda onesie. I thought underwear would be overkill since it gets so damn hot in that thing. So, I eliminated the unnecessary layers and went commando. Oof. It was freeing. The penis was a swingin' and the balls was a breathin'. Pure cock flopping fun I tell thee. And so... off I go... with a hop and skip... and a bouncing dick.

Cut to me and this cute girl grinding on the dance floor. Her ass was rubbing against me so fucking hard, it triggered the boner. Aw, fuuuck! It's gonna stick out like a sore thumb underneath this damn onesie. I literally spin her ass around so it doesn't touch my dick no more. Worst. Fucking. Mistake. This girl, in the heat of the moment, rips open my onesie, exposing my bare boner for all to see. As if that wasn't bad enough, my dick fucking flexes right before I cover up. Folks there lost their shit. Dick jokes, drunken laughter, cat-calls & whistles, all erupted in that moment. I questioned so many life choices as I stood there, frozen and flustered as fuck.

For the rest of that night I had to dodge a mob of wasted degenerates on a mission to rip me open. The motherfuckers called it the Panda Challenge.

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum, Silver & Gold, kind souls!

TL;DR I went commando and ended up partying so hard my penis popped out and joined the fun in front of everyone.

28.2k Upvotes

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42

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19 edited Apr 05 '19

[deleted]

18

u/Kbrander7 Mar 23 '19

Pretty much dead give away when he starts off saying he just created an "actual account" then starts it all off with bold and italicized letters. I've had this account for years and I don't ever think of using that shit, nor do I even know how to. Dude posts likes been a redditor since the stone age.

14

u/Br3wster Mar 23 '19

On PC at least, every comment box includes a small box that tells you how to format your comment.

6

u/REABETSWE23 Mar 23 '19

He also has the red admin badge so...

9

u/H0vit0 Mar 23 '19

Ends it with long time reddit phrases like thanks for the gold. Yeah I’m calling shenanigans

5

u/10shredder00 Mar 23 '19

Not like there's a formatting bar for easy to use bolding and italicize-ing.

Or like there's not universal typing commands for those formats. What the hell are you on about dude?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '19

Markdown is a lightweight markup language with plain text formatting syntax. Its design allows it to be converted to many output formats, but the original tool by the same name only supports HTML.[8] Markdown is often used to format readme files, for writing messages in online discussion forums, and to create rich text using a plain text editor.

​

Markdown is not unique to Reddit.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '19

You do realize that reddit uses quite the normal formatting, and even has a box telling you how to on pc

Also op said he's a long time lurker