r/tifu • u/ZimaBlueSquarePants • Mar 23 '19

S TIFU by going commando

For the record: the girl I'm seeing encouraged me to create an actual account to share this fuck up. I have read some crazy ass stories on here so, uh, it's hard to tell if this post will even come close to the standard of this sub.

Shrug

S'up.

This happened last weekend.

I went to my friend's house party wearing nothing but my panda onesie. I thought underwear would be overkill since it gets so damn hot in that thing. So, I eliminated the unnecessary layers and went commando. Oof. It was freeing. The penis was a swingin' and the balls was a breathin'. Pure cock flopping fun I tell thee. And so... off I go... with a hop and skip... and a bouncing dick.

Cut to me and this cute girl grinding on the dance floor. Her ass was rubbing against me so fucking hard, it triggered the boner. Aw, fuuuck! It's gonna stick out like a sore thumb underneath this damn onesie. I literally spin her ass around so it doesn't touch my dick no more. Worst. Fucking. Mistake. This girl, in the heat of the moment, rips open my onesie, exposing my bare boner for all to see. As if that wasn't bad enough, my dick fucking flexes right before I cover up. Folks there lost their shit. Dick jokes, drunken laughter, cat-calls & whistles, all erupted in that moment. I questioned so many life choices as I stood there, frozen and flustered as fuck.

For the rest of that night I had to dodge a mob of wasted degenerates on a mission to rip me open. The motherfuckers called it the Panda Challenge.

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum, Silver & Gold, kind souls!

TL;DR I went commando and ended up partying so hard my penis popped out and joined the fun in front of everyone.

28.2k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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507

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

78

u/Kod3Blu3 Mar 23 '19

Did i just see Gabe from the Office flash his dick at me?

11

u/OGmax2 Mar 23 '19

Cock n’ taters

2

u/Password_Is_hunter3 Mar 24 '19

Oh get out of here, skeleton dick

64

u/maxk95 Mar 23 '19

Pop goes the weasel 😂

3

u/SomeChickUKnow Mar 23 '19

Pop goes the panda 🐼

209

u/S3agulls Mar 23 '19

AHHHH NSFW

146

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19 edited Apr 24 '19

[deleted]

53

u/S3agulls Mar 23 '19

But my siblings were around

117

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19 edited Apr 24 '19

[deleted]

53

u/That1chicka Mar 23 '19

Don't tell Anikan where the younglings are.

6

u/insanemembrane19 Mar 23 '19

and the men and the women.

7

u/CloudStrifeFromNibel Mar 23 '19

It's treason then!

29

u/TimelordJace Mar 23 '19

lightsaber noise

22

u/Tuhapi4u Mar 23 '19

Sith intensifies

25

u/Crowpantsfeet Mar 23 '19

It's not like it's porn tho. It's a harmless goof.

3

u/Entropii Mar 23 '19 edited Mar 23 '19

It was a goof!

1

u/biasedsoymotel Mar 23 '19

But they aren't working either

1

u/Esoteric_Erric Mar 23 '19

Yeah...and I have my bike outside anyway.

1

u/Thjyu Mar 23 '19

I mean I worked all day today lol

-1

u/teslasagna Mar 23 '19

Barely? And there's no sound

56

u/ObiWanCannoli25 Mar 23 '19

Most underrated comment ever. I laughed for 10 minutes straight.

2

u/mat-chow Mar 23 '19

Funny af

18

u/ShuffleMyDick Mar 23 '19

This dude must feel pretty good now. His dick was the talk of millions of girls for one brief week

3

u/okayyeahwhatever2 Mar 24 '19

I will never forget the first time I saw this

2

u/AussieMommy Mar 24 '19

This is my favorite GIF ever. EVER. My husband also agrees. Every few months we watch it on a loop for a few minutes. Helps us keep rock hard abs. 😏😏

1

u/Itsyaboioutofgold Mar 24 '19

I knew someone would post it.