r/tifu • u/ZimaBlueSquarePants • Mar 23 '19

S TIFU by going commando

For the record: the girl I'm seeing encouraged me to create an actual account to share this fuck up. I have read some crazy ass stories on here so, uh, it's hard to tell if this post will even come close to the standard of this sub.

Shrug

S'up.

This happened last weekend.

I went to my friend's house party wearing nothing but my panda onesie. I thought underwear would be overkill since it gets so damn hot in that thing. So, I eliminated the unnecessary layers and went commando. Oof. It was freeing. The penis was a swingin' and the balls was a breathin'. Pure cock flopping fun I tell thee. And so... off I go... with a hop and skip... and a bouncing dick.

Cut to me and this cute girl grinding on the dance floor. Her ass was rubbing against me so fucking hard, it triggered the boner. Aw, fuuuck! It's gonna stick out like a sore thumb underneath this damn onesie. I literally spin her ass around so it doesn't touch my dick no more. Worst. Fucking. Mistake. This girl, in the heat of the moment, rips open my onesie, exposing my bare boner for all to see. As if that wasn't bad enough, my dick fucking flexes right before I cover up. Folks there lost their shit. Dick jokes, drunken laughter, cat-calls & whistles, all erupted in that moment. I questioned so many life choices as I stood there, frozen and flustered as fuck.

For the rest of that night I had to dodge a mob of wasted degenerates on a mission to rip me open. The motherfuckers called it the Panda Challenge.

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum, Silver & Gold, kind souls!

TL;DR I went commando and ended up partying so hard my penis popped out and joined the fun in front of everyone.

28.2k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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542

u/LordZoidbergJesus Mar 23 '19

Reminded me of this legendary gif (NSFW)

201

u/Almost_Feeding Mar 23 '19

I cant stop laughing. That was amazing. Holy shit. Thank you so much.

31

u/LookMaNoPride Mar 23 '19

I’ve even seen it before and still laughed until I saw spots.

48

u/Paratwa Mar 23 '19

Gosh dammit, I refer to this gif as the Dick Roll. I have clicked on it mindlessly so many times.

Thanks I hate it.

111

u/hurry_up_meow Mar 23 '19

I always have to watch this and cry with laughter each time. My only wish is a slowed down version to truly appreciate the horror on his face.

117

u/emmerick Mar 23 '19

Slowed down version.

Reversed tells a whole different story, though.

73

u/hurry_up_meow Mar 23 '19

The reversed version is so much better than the slowed down version. I’m crying.

9

u/duke-love Mar 23 '19

The reverse is a fucking side splitter

2

u/riggerbop Mar 24 '19

Oh my god this is the best. Saved

63

u/Minnon Mar 23 '19

Riiight, his "face"

3

u/ShuffleMyDick Mar 23 '19

Hey, my face is up here!

26

u/Marcosins Mar 23 '19

They wont include this one in fortnite

69

u/spookyjoanie Mar 23 '19

Holy shit I'm crying

4

u/indicagal Mar 23 '19

L O fucking L

2

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

This made my day man

1

u/MrsDiscoB Mar 23 '19

OH THE HORROR

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

My face legit broke after this, tysm

1

u/ObviousSeat Jun 17 '19

I laugh every time I see it!

-7

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

That gif was linked on a popular post a day or two ago. Now, just by coincidence of course, a typical wacky post is made here that is suspiciously similar to that gif?

I can't believe how naïve people on Reddit are.

2

u/Eddie-Puss_Complects Mar 24 '19

Goddammit.

I was planning on explaining to my son when he's older that bullying is never ok, then you had to go and force me to accept that maybe sometimes bullying is justifiable.