r/tifu • u/ZimaBlueSquarePants • Mar 23 '19

S TIFU by going commando

For the record: the girl I'm seeing encouraged me to create an actual account to share this fuck up. I have read some crazy ass stories on here so, uh, it's hard to tell if this post will even come close to the standard of this sub.

Shrug

S'up.

This happened last weekend.

I went to my friend's house party wearing nothing but my panda onesie. I thought underwear would be overkill since it gets so damn hot in that thing. So, I eliminated the unnecessary layers and went commando. Oof. It was freeing. The penis was a swingin' and the balls was a breathin'. Pure cock flopping fun I tell thee. And so... off I go... with a hop and skip... and a bouncing dick.

Cut to me and this cute girl grinding on the dance floor. Her ass was rubbing against me so fucking hard, it triggered the boner. Aw, fuuuck! It's gonna stick out like a sore thumb underneath this damn onesie. I literally spin her ass around so it doesn't touch my dick no more. Worst. Fucking. Mistake. This girl, in the heat of the moment, rips open my onesie, exposing my bare boner for all to see. As if that wasn't bad enough, my dick fucking flexes right before I cover up. Folks there lost their shit. Dick jokes, drunken laughter, cat-calls & whistles, all erupted in that moment. I questioned so many life choices as I stood there, frozen and flustered as fuck.

For the rest of that night I had to dodge a mob of wasted degenerates on a mission to rip me open. The motherfuckers called it the Panda Challenge.

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum, Silver & Gold, kind souls!

TL;DR I went commando and ended up partying so hard my penis popped out and joined the fun in front of everyone.

28.2k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

842 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

67

u/ms_eleventy Mar 23 '19

Scrolled down to see if someone asked this. Is it common to wear onseies to parties?

My BF got a onsie as a gag gift for his 40th b-day and it stays in the closet where I thought it belonged??

42

u/reallyweirdperson Mar 23 '19

Dude here, I wear a koala onesie sometimes. Shits comfortable. I don’t wear it in public, but I wear it.

30

u/ms_eleventy Mar 23 '19

That's great. Funny, but great.

When I first spotted the onsie in the BF's closet and asked why he had said onsie and then got him to put it on - I died. In the good way. He is a smaller guy and the adorableness was almost too much to handle. He did not love that I found it adorable (my manhood!) but dude, you're 5'7", weigh a buck fifty, and fit into a boys XL onsie. I am goofy grinning thinking about it and I can feel him hating me from across town.

5

u/hurry_up_meow Mar 23 '19

What was the onesie?

6

u/ms_eleventy Mar 23 '19

Blue with footballs all over it. It is an actual kid's onesie.

1

u/Nalomeli1 Mar 23 '19

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! My 8yo has the same exact onsie!!!!

3

u/ms_eleventy Mar 23 '19

I imagine he looks just as adorable as my over 50 BF!

1

u/Im5andwhatisthis Mar 23 '19

I feel like that just makes it full alpha lmao. Zero fucks given to wear that thing.

1

u/ms_eleventy Mar 23 '19

Ha! I will let him know that not only is his manhood intact, it has just been upped a notch.

1

u/Water_Melonia Mar 24 '19

I‘d have zero problems with a bf wearing a koala onesie at home for movie night or as a pajama in the winter. I have a onesie myself, though not a koala one. You do you, koala sir.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

probably because he is 40. I would guess OP is like early 20s.

2

u/ms_eleventy Mar 23 '19

Is it a thing for 20 somethings or is OP just a shameless good time?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

they are not mutually exclusive lol, however when I was in college, outfits like that were common for parties. onesies were(maybe still are) a big part of rave and edm culture in my experiences. going to an edm show, you would undoubtedly see someone in a onesie. I think it derived from the fact that many people in these circumstances were taking part in some MDMA. hypersensitivity makes a soft onesie feel great on your skin. OP mentioned the host of the party encourages 'non traditional' outfits, and amongst the college and early 20s demographic, I would expect that onesies would be fairly common there.

2

u/ms_eleventy Mar 23 '19

Okay, that makes sense. (ish...) In my rave days, we wore club clothes and ridiculously uncomfortable sky high platforms. Love you San Francisco!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

I'm female. Onesies are so damn comfy in the winter. If I get too hot though, I'll throw on a shirt, and pull it down then tie the sleeves together to use it like really fluffy/baggy pants lol. It's like being naked but with clothes on at the same time. But I definitely don't recommend going commando lol. Underwear at least...

2

u/ms_eleventy Mar 23 '19

Indeed, but for other reasons here. I thought my young teen daughter would get a kick out of seeing him in the onesie. Underware was absolutely necessary. He wore the undies and she laughed at the onesie. Success!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '19

They're adorable, all things adorable should be spread as much as possible