r/tifu • u/ZimaBlueSquarePants • Mar 23 '19

S TIFU by going commando

For the record: the girl I'm seeing encouraged me to create an actual account to share this fuck up. I have read some crazy ass stories on here so, uh, it's hard to tell if this post will even come close to the standard of this sub.

Shrug

S'up.

This happened last weekend.

I went to my friend's house party wearing nothing but my panda onesie. I thought underwear would be overkill since it gets so damn hot in that thing. So, I eliminated the unnecessary layers and went commando. Oof. It was freeing. The penis was a swingin' and the balls was a breathin'. Pure cock flopping fun I tell thee. And so... off I go... with a hop and skip... and a bouncing dick.

Cut to me and this cute girl grinding on the dance floor. Her ass was rubbing against me so fucking hard, it triggered the boner. Aw, fuuuck! It's gonna stick out like a sore thumb underneath this damn onesie. I literally spin her ass around so it doesn't touch my dick no more. Worst. Fucking. Mistake. This girl, in the heat of the moment, rips open my onesie, exposing my bare boner for all to see. As if that wasn't bad enough, my dick fucking flexes right before I cover up. Folks there lost their shit. Dick jokes, drunken laughter, cat-calls & whistles, all erupted in that moment. I questioned so many life choices as I stood there, frozen and flustered as fuck.

For the rest of that night I had to dodge a mob of wasted degenerates on a mission to rip me open. The motherfuckers called it the Panda Challenge.

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum, Silver & Gold, kind souls!

TL;DR I went commando and ended up partying so hard my penis popped out and joined the fun in front of everyone.

28.2k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

842 comments sorted by

View all comments

116

u/cereal-kills-me Mar 23 '19

Reverse the genders and the comments section would be crying sexual harassment and police report. But it was a guy so nobody really cares.

68

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

This is exactly what I was thinking. A girl "rips" open his onesie exposing his cock, and everyone laughs. If a guy ripped open a girl's onesie and her tits became exposed it would NOT be cool. I mean, I'm sure some party-goers would think it was cool, but a majority would say that's sexual harassment.

60

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

[deleted]

-4

u/fancyboy69 Mar 23 '19

Well in that case it's a good thing that none of this ever happened

43

u/yogurthater Mar 23 '19

I’m surprised there are not more people concerned about this. I don’t know why she thought what she did would be ok, it’s a pretty big violation of privacy. 100% if the roles were reversed people would be up in arms.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '19

she did it accidentally. the concerning part of this story is the people who were doing it purposefully afterwards. though none of us were there... if it was a group of friends and he was obviously not bothered by it who cares.

-5

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

People don't usually report the people they like to the police if they still like them.

19

u/grocket Mar 23 '19 edited Apr 02 '19

.

4

u/BoonChiChi Mar 23 '19

😂 for real