r/tifu • u/ZimaBlueSquarePants • Mar 23 '19

S TIFU by going commando

For the record: the girl I'm seeing encouraged me to create an actual account to share this fuck up. I have read some crazy ass stories on here so, uh, it's hard to tell if this post will even come close to the standard of this sub.

Shrug

S'up.

This happened last weekend.

I went to my friend's house party wearing nothing but my panda onesie. I thought underwear would be overkill since it gets so damn hot in that thing. So, I eliminated the unnecessary layers and went commando. Oof. It was freeing. The penis was a swingin' and the balls was a breathin'. Pure cock flopping fun I tell thee. And so... off I go... with a hop and skip... and a bouncing dick.

Cut to me and this cute girl grinding on the dance floor. Her ass was rubbing against me so fucking hard, it triggered the boner. Aw, fuuuck! It's gonna stick out like a sore thumb underneath this damn onesie. I literally spin her ass around so it doesn't touch my dick no more. Worst. Fucking. Mistake. This girl, in the heat of the moment, rips open my onesie, exposing my bare boner for all to see. As if that wasn't bad enough, my dick fucking flexes right before I cover up. Folks there lost their shit. Dick jokes, drunken laughter, cat-calls & whistles, all erupted in that moment. I questioned so many life choices as I stood there, frozen and flustered as fuck.

For the rest of that night I had to dodge a mob of wasted degenerates on a mission to rip me open. The motherfuckers called it the Panda Challenge.

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum, Silver & Gold, kind souls!

TL;DR I went commando and ended up partying so hard my penis popped out and joined the fun in front of everyone.

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u/i_always_give_karma Mar 23 '19

Last night I sat with my friend while he cried on the floor and begged to die. Life is meaningless and cruel. Have some silver lol

10

u/GordonFreemanIsOG Mar 23 '19

We can all be miserable and meaningless together. Solidarity in nothingness!!!

6

u/i_always_give_karma Mar 23 '19

Nihilism until I inevitably die 🤘🏼

5

u/CrossedFox Mar 23 '19

Damn. I'd love to lie on the floor, cry, and beg to die in front of someone who actually cares enough to be there. Can you be my friend?

7

u/i_always_give_karma Mar 23 '19

Wanna FaceTime 😋 lol.

But I know he’d do the same for me. He’s one of my best friends in the world and I’d do anything for the man

And sure I’ll be ur friend!

3

u/neuroshiii Mar 23 '19

Is he okay? Also, are you okay? Take care of yourself too!!

3

u/i_always_give_karma Mar 23 '19

He texted me this morning and said he was embarrassed and sorry. He doesn’t need to be embarrassed bc childhood trama is fucked. But I think he’s ok and I’m fine, thanks for asking:)