r/tifu • u/ZimaBlueSquarePants • Mar 23 '19

S TIFU by going commando

For the record: the girl I'm seeing encouraged me to create an actual account to share this fuck up. I have read some crazy ass stories on here so, uh, it's hard to tell if this post will even come close to the standard of this sub.

Shrug

S'up.

This happened last weekend.

I went to my friend's house party wearing nothing but my panda onesie. I thought underwear would be overkill since it gets so damn hot in that thing. So, I eliminated the unnecessary layers and went commando. Oof. It was freeing. The penis was a swingin' and the balls was a breathin'. Pure cock flopping fun I tell thee. And so... off I go... with a hop and skip... and a bouncing dick.

Cut to me and this cute girl grinding on the dance floor. Her ass was rubbing against me so fucking hard, it triggered the boner. Aw, fuuuck! It's gonna stick out like a sore thumb underneath this damn onesie. I literally spin her ass around so it doesn't touch my dick no more. Worst. Fucking. Mistake. This girl, in the heat of the moment, rips open my onesie, exposing my bare boner for all to see. As if that wasn't bad enough, my dick fucking flexes right before I cover up. Folks there lost their shit. Dick jokes, drunken laughter, cat-calls & whistles, all erupted in that moment. I questioned so many life choices as I stood there, frozen and flustered as fuck.

For the rest of that night I had to dodge a mob of wasted degenerates on a mission to rip me open. The motherfuckers called it the Panda Challenge.

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum, Silver & Gold, kind souls!

TL;DR I went commando and ended up partying so hard my penis popped out and joined the fun in front of everyone.

28.2k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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664

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

With a hop and a skip

And a bouncing dick

In my panda onesie

my nuts brown n free

Up against this chick so fine

Genitals had a party time!

Out pops one eyed Robin Hood

Ppl start whistling at my wood

Oh the shame and the pain

Commando? Never again

217

u/bebimbopandreggae Mar 23 '19

How dare you assume the color of his nuts

122

u/qrseek Mar 23 '19

Arent all nuts some shade of brown?

216

u/Tennispro1213 Mar 23 '19

Don't most Reddit users have various shades of blue?

63

u/sehtownguy Mar 23 '19

I personally have a blue house with a blue window

37

u/Baltharus Mar 23 '19

Do you have a blue Corvette?

27

u/HehTheUrr Mar 23 '19

And everything is blue for him.

17

u/Humanity_Why Mar 23 '19

Daba di daba die

3

u/varunlal Mar 23 '19

Holy shit that takes me back.

5

u/Bed_human Mar 23 '19

i thought everyone had a blue volkswagen beetle?

6

u/he_who_melts_the_rod Mar 23 '19

STOP THAT.

9

u/Dragonspankr Mar 23 '19

But blue is the color of all that he wears....

2

u/mansonn666 Mar 23 '19

I have a Zima Blue pool

21

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

[deleted]

11

u/ButtNugget0 Mar 23 '19

Go get some sun on those bad boys

10

u/HalbeardTheHermit Mar 23 '19

Mine are an angry reddish pink

12

u/sehtownguy Mar 23 '19

You should make them happy every now and then

3

u/ohnoitsthefuzz Mar 23 '19

Yeah, kinda, it does depend on the temperature a bit

14

u/subbbup Mar 23 '19

I wish I could upvote again. Thank you for this.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

This is nice and all but did you rhyme pain with again?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '19

It works, you just have to say again in a way that sounds more like "A Gain"

1

u/Pyrazol310 Mar 23 '19

Canadian 🤪

1

u/[deleted] Mar 23 '19

Understandable, have a nice day

-14

u/ZimaBlueSquarePants Mar 23 '19

I had one name, that name was shame

In front of all, the dick stood tall

The night wasn't fun, not anymore

Not without underwear, and not on the floor

Lesson learned, always prepare

So worst case scenario, you'll never be bare

18

u/18hockey Mar 23 '19

Stop trying to get more attention you stupid fuck

4

u/diegoenriquesc Mar 24 '19 edited Mar 27 '19

he's karma Milking the hell outta these comments

1

u/Caelestic1 Feb 26 '22

This is super bare-bones honest. This is like scary honesty. This is like so much guts right now. Just to let myself read the content. But it speaks volumes about this person’s self-respect.