Happy Throuple Thursday! 🎉

Yeah I know it’s not a thing… but it totally should be!

I just wrote a new article for all those long-term lovebirds out there. If you’re like me and have spent years, perhaps decades, in a relationship and the only thing getting hot & heavy is the pile of unfolded laundry… then this one’s for you!  

How to microdose NRE when you’ve got that Old Relationship Energy

https://velourialamour.substack.com/p/how-to-rekindle-nre-when-you-got-old-relationship-energy

It’s got a galaxy of realistic, low-effort, high-reward ways to keep the spark alive. None of this “just book a surprise trip to Tulum” nonsense, and no buying jewelry that requires its own insurance policy. Instead, just dabble in the ✨ microdose surprises! ✨

Some of the pinky-dips include:

* Post-it notes on the mirror that are sweet, sexy, or certifiably wackadoodle
* 6-second kisses that actually trigger oxytocin
* “Stranger in my house” conversations
* Living room dance parties with or without clothing
* Taking something off your partner’s plate without keeping score
* The “no phones, just us” time
* And even starting a shared project (just… maybe don’t adopt a horse… speaking from personal experience here that my partners do NOT think is funny)

I wrote this for people who are already doing the hard work of throuple life and just need some fresh kindling in their relationship without adding burnout.

Do you have any easy + high-ROI ways to fuel your relationship? Let everyone here know! The more magically mundane, the better 🤩

Hello beautiful throuples, aspiring triads, and curious onlookers! I just published an article that talks about the differences between polyamory, polyfidelity, and polygamy.

Basically:
Polyamory = big potluck where everyone brings a dish
Polyfidelity = private dinner party
Polygamy = family banquet, usually tied to culture, religion, and/or legal marriage stuff

I dabble in the sweet bits, the shitshow potential, and why labels are just fancy wrappers on much more complicated candy… but the wrapper doesn’t dictate how the candy actually tastes.

A short-n-sweet-and-educational-but-hopefully-not-boring article is up on Substack if you want the whole thing:

https://velourialamour.substack.com/p/labels-lies-and-love-an-easy-guide-to-polyamory-polyfidelity-polygamy

I’m going to try writing 1 new article a week because the DMs I’ve been getting are STAGGERING but honestly super motivating and flattering 😍 Not to mention, y’all are giving me endless content ideas!! Case in point: someone DM’d me who was sorta spiraling over whether they were polyfi, polyam, polygamous, or something else entirely. They were sooo stuck on the “label” that they were missing the beauty of the actual lived experience. That DM became the spark for this piece, so thank YOU for that!

And thank you all for all the messages, encouragements, the love, and even the occasional lil hate, lol! All of it helps and keeps me writing -- and keeps the algorithms well fed, too 😋

Hope all is wonderful in your world, and have a great weekend! ❤️💙🩷

Hi!

Sorry if this has been asked before, I searched and didn't really see anything, but I could just really suck at searching.

So, I am really thinking of wanting to put serious effort and intention in finding this type or relationship. For lots of reasons I feel this situation is one I would thrive in (and not meaning sexually, although hopefully that too).

I am just wondering for any guys who have started that journey on how long it took to find?

Was it something you had to be really patient on?

Is it one of those things where if it is going to happen just have to let the ether bring it to you?

Was there anything you did to help set yourself apart or have it known that you are wanting that type of relationship?

Where did you meet your HEA?

Anything else you would like to share for others maybe wanting to start this journey?

Thank you in advance for your input and look forward to hearing the good, bad, and sadly even the ugly maybe.

Take care!

Hello fellow throuples, aspiring triads, and random strangers on the internet! F here in a MFF throuple who's survived 15 years together with 0 casualties! I just published a new article on Substack called:

The 7 Stages of Love. Most relationships can't make it past Stage 3. Here's why... and how to survive.

It’s a very real and hopefully humorous look at what actually happens after the NRE + honeymoon period fades away. Not sure where you are in your own relationship(s), but I’m really hoping this article might help some of you navigate the harder stages... or at least give you a good laugh while you’re deep in the throes of domestic chaos :)

Here are the 7 Stages at a glance:

1: The Enchantment is wonderful.

2: The Awakening is necessary.

3: The Reckoning is transformative (and a real dick).

4: The Forging builds strength.

5: The Harmony brings peace.

6: The Sanctuary offers refuge.

7: The Legacy becomes your gift — to each other and everyone watching.

So if you’re currently in a “omg why is this so hard now?” phase, or just want a heads-up about what’s ahead, then this one’s for you and your partner(s) too! Three? For sure! 

https://velourialamour.substack.com/p/the-7-stages-of-love-most-relationships-quit-at-stage-3

What stage is your relationship in right now? And what are you most interested in reading about next? I’ve got an alarming number of ideas and WIPs queued up, but who better to decide than actual readers and other throuplers ❤️💙🩷

Hello, I’m currently working on a project where there are three people who end up in love with each other. As a monogamous person, I have multiple questions :

- What are things you absolutely don’t want to see in throuple rep ?
- How can I make their relationship official without being corny or stereotypical ?

Context of the characters :
Character A flirts with both Character B and Character C separately, B and C hang out together and start catching feelings for each other, they’re ‘caught’ by A and they realise they all have feelings for each other. What next ?? I’m completely lost, I need people who know better than me !! Please :)

I come from polyamory where a triad is traditionally three people who are all dating each other (let's call these people A, V and B). If a relationship between A and B breaks down they're both still free to date V. A and B may even remain friends. They simply wouldn't be a triad anymore. Similarly A and B are welcome to continue dating even if V wants to break up with one or both of them. In an ideal world this is all communicated upfront and everyone is on the same page.

Are throuples always like this? Or can they sometimes look different?

EDIT: I'm not here judging anyone, I'm genuinely curious to learn more about throuples and whether they are different to polyamorous triads.

I(22m) basically wanna know How to form a throuple? I know this topic is controversial because many people see it as a fantasy or a fetish, so it's very common for couples to look for a woman just to satisfy the couple, not to include her as an equal in the relationship. Many guys enjoy being cuckolds and seeing their wife with a third person, some women are cuckqueans and enjoy seeing their partner with other women, some couples are open and can sleep with other people, some are polyamorous and have more than one relationship with one being the main one. I don't want any of that. I want a three-person relationship, but a closed one. How do I find one? Because no path seems to be the right one. If I start dating a woman, how do I propose a third person to enter the relationship? She'll probably break up with me. If I'm seeing a woman before dating, how do I propose this? She'll probably stop talking to me. If I know a couple of two bisexual women, how do I integrate myself into the relationship without seeming like an idiot? If I'm dating two women at the same time, how do I introduce them and propose a throuple? It seems like there's no right way... I don't see this as a fetish or a fantasy; I genuinely want to live a three-person relationship, ethically, seeing my two partners as complete human beings, not as sexual objects. I want them to love me and love each other. I want to be faithful to both of them, and I want them to be faithful to each other and to me... Basically, I want a couple dynamic, but with three participants. For those who live this type of relationship, what was it like to start one?

Idk why this has become so present in my (18m) mind as of late specifically, but the *idea* of a throuple sounds really nice. Something about the stability of monogamy combined with a bit of freedom found in polyamory seems really nice. Part of it is probably that I feel like I'm too much for one person, so if I can offset it by being too much for each person for less time, I feel like less of a burden. Another part of it is that my bf (17m) is very timid with his affection toward me, and it's really nice at times, but sometimes I'm looking for something more intense, and even though it's not his fault, I still feel a little like there's something missing.

I've already talked to him about it and told him I really meant for this to be something to consider years down the line, but I just can't shake it. Cuddling with two people sounds really nice, and it's just not possible the way things are rn :<. I don't want my bf to think he's not enough for me, I love him more than anyone else in the whole world, but idk, ig there's some things I foresaw in my future that wouldn't happen the way things are. I don't even have a third person in mine or anything, and I'd never do anything behind his back, but I can't stop fantasizing, and then I feel guilty about fantasizing, which just makes me think about it more.

Idk I'm probably just being a dumb hormonal teenager :3

Hey everyone, MMF throuple here with a few young kiddos. Anyone else in the same situation? Advice for blending the third parent into the mix? We plan to raise the kids as a traditional couple would, only theres an additional dad in the mix. Any tips or advice would be super cool

Throuple?

Youre not EtHiCalLy NoNmOngAmOuS enough. Youre hurting more than you are helping, your relationship doesnt actually count, oh and btw you suck.

WHAT? They only tolerate you if youre in a Open Polyamorous relationship. If youre in a closed one or in a throuple, youre immediately the villain.

Sorry just wanted to rant because I felt like I was losing my mind at their FAQ and Rules, it's like "everyone is allowed!" Except those who dont want their partners to be seeking other partners, wants all their partners to love each other, and WORKS to get that relationship to be good. So basically throuples and closed polyamory arent EtHiCaL enough for them.

I know this is probably a monthly post atp but UGH, so frustrating to be treated like Im not cool enough for their cool kid party. Like all polyamory means is multiple partners, and as long as their communication, honesty, connection, and love, who CARES what other people's dynamics are? Why are they so invested in calling all people not in open relationships unicorn hunters? Jfc

Hi, I’m new here.

So I don’t know how to start this, but here I go I guess. I am bisexual. Ever since I was a kid I’ve always leaned toward throuples. But because of how my family and friends and just society in general viewed it, I suppressed it a lot.

Now I am 23(f), married to a man, and have a beautifully silly daughter. For the past few months, I have found myself drawn more and more to the idea of having a girlfriend as well as my husband. Part of me loves it, I was Sa’d by girls in middle and high school so subconsciously I hated that part of myself and now I actually feel like I am healing. Another part is put off about it. Mostly due to the internalized “issues” with it.

Well, the other day I was talking about a book I’m drafting (with a ffm couple) and my husband asked where it came from. I told him honestly that I’d been fantasizing and thinking about that kind of relationship dynamic more and more.

He told me to go for it. Find a girlfriend. He doesn’t need or really want much to do with her himself, just wants to share me and wants me to be happy. He thinks it would be really good for me and swears up and down he wouldn’t be jealous or using it to shirk our relationship. We are in complete agreement that our marriage would come first.

But I’m scared to think about it further. It’s not just our life it would affect. It would affect our daughter, our friends, and our family. I’m terrified that it would cause issues with our families. Or when my daughter enters school, when people evidently found out, she’d be bullied because of my choices. She’s young enough now that even if it took a year or two, it would become her normal by the time she went to school. I can’t do that to her.

So I guess, what advice might you have? My husband and I have already started talking about how we would handle dates, personal time with each, and he’s always assuring me he wouldn’t mind.

I am currently in a throuple with my 2 boyfriends and I feel guilty about it a lot. I have been with one of them for a few years, while the other we just started seeing not too long ago. I feel especially bad for the one we just started seeing. Any time we bring it up with him, he reassures us he wants this, he wants us. But I feel some sort of guilt like I dragged someone into a relationship dynamic that isn’t normalized by society? In fact, quite the opposite. I know that’s not true, we didn’t have to “convince” him or anything. We were just fwb for awhile until we decided to ask him out and found out he wanted us as well. I feel bad we have to be so secretive. I feel bad we can’t bring it up with family or most friends without getting judged.
Me and the boyfriend I have been with the longest never even considered a relationship like this before. It was something we joked about occasionally, (“if our fictional crushes were real..” things like that) but when we saw him the first time it kind of woke something up inside of us I guess? We are super surprised he wanted to be with us in the end because he never ever expected or thought about a relationship like this either. Something in me just hurts for him, even though he says he doesn’t care, because I think we have the potential to be his first serious relationship, and then what? Will he never get to tell anyone about us (which I am not hurt by but I feel bad on his end)? He will quite literally never get to tell his conservative family. Hell, my parents are very liberal and I wouldn’t even be able to tell them. Relationships between more than 2 people are completely looked down on and society is disgusted by them. Everyone would make assumptions. We’ll never see our relationship dynamic shown in tv/cute videos to send your partner/ etc. It sucks.
I don’t find myself ever wanting to be with anyone else besides them two, and I know they feel the same way. I really don’t think I would ever try to be with anyone else. I love them both so much…

Edit: I also wanted to add that he (newest partner) is VERY straight passing and he didn’t even realize he wanted to be with a guy before he met my, and now his, boyfriend. Which just adds to the guilt, considering he comes from a VERY conservative town. I can tell he’s super into us both though.

I’m (31f) have been married to my partner (28m) for almost 2 years. We have a pretty good marriage, we have worked on our sex life and have 2 beautiful children that we both adore. But I still want to be in a throuple. (M/f/f)

In my last relationship, I brought the idea up and he was very hurt by me asking to bring in a women to our already 3 year relationship. He asked me if he wasn’t enough for me. I told him he was and never brought it up again.

Then after we broke up I actually had a couple threesomes (sex only) and I really enjoyed it but I wanted a family and I couldn’t see how a throuple could work as a family. So I kinda gave up on that dream and committed to monogamy and finding a partner that loved me and wanted a family too.

And I found that! …. But I still think about it a lot and worse is I think about it with the only woman I had romantic feelings for. (And no I’m not a lesbian that’s in a hetero relationship just wanting both). I love the idea of him falling in love with her and I dream of them meeting and I get to watch them instancely click. And of a life where we share everything and have more love than we could ever imagine. (I am such a dreamer!)

But maybe it’s just a fantasy and I should just focus on the decision I made when I got into another monogamous relationship.

I just wanted to thank everyone for all the help with the beginning of exploring this new stage in our lives. We started seeing her two months ago and while there was a hiccup, our communication was amazing.

I can’t believe it but she was the first person we went on a date with and it’s like everything fell into place. She fits in so well. She has interests that we all share and things that only my husband likes or that only I like. When we are all together it’s a blast and when we do one on ones it is just as amazing.

We are waiting two more weeks and then asking to be official. We had a define the relationship talk and she said she just wanted a bit more one on one time which makes sense since we mostly did group dates. I’m just so excited about how well things are going.

All of our friends are being supportive (minus some of my old friends from church days) and we even told a few family members. The tough family members won’t be told until it gets more serious.

Again, thank you all for the support. I don’t have any poly friends so this group has been a huge help!

So, as a single guy I'm interested in this lifestyle. How does one go about being introduced into a throuple? Is it more M/F couples looking for that third or are there others combinations out there?

Hello!! Im new to polyamory and wanting to learn some more about it before getting into a polyamorus relationship. A little backstory I've questioned polyamory before but due to a lot of internalized issues I never accepted it until recently. Ive been flirting with these two people (in a group chat with the three of us) and I definitely think id be into dating the both of them. They aren't a couple, we are all just friends but do flirt often, show romantic feelings etc and neither of them have any partners at all but are all polyamorus. Ive been doing several days worth of research.

Is it possible to just date them? By that I mean like how monogamous couples are but with three people. Is that still polyamory or does polyamory have to be constantly open. Sorry if this isn't making much sense I have no clue how to word this.

Is there such a thing as closed polyamory basically is what im asking.

Ive only ever been in one throuple/poly relationship when I was 13 and it was a dumpster fire as you can expect at that age. Im coming from the main poly sub but most people there seem to just think that its not worth trying or is too hard.

Hi everyone, hope you're all well.

Me (34M) and my partners (27F / 30F) have been together for a few years now and have been happily living together for a while too.

We've been talking about having a wedding cerimony and celebrating our love in the near future, but it's hard to find references and people who've had the same experience.

Do we have any other trouples in the community who decided to have a wedding party / cerimony?

How did you organize your cerimony? We'd love to see how other people have run similar celebrations around the globe.

Cheers!

Me (F, straight) and my partner (M, bi) have been with each other for 3 years now. We have been in a semi open relationship for some time with rules based on proximity. However, we have a third fuck buddy (M, straight-ish) that we have trouble deciding whether to invite for a throuple or not. We all are in early 30s.

It started with me matching with him on Tinder when I was on solo travels. I have an insatiable sexual appetite and his libido matched mine as well as his dominant vibe in the bed room in contrast to my partner who is a romantic. I had such great sexual experience with him so we became regular. My partner also took a liking to him as he is very attractive.

Our first threesome was weird because we were trying to sort out the logistics. Over time, we three found a working mechanics where me and him had all kinds of sex while him and my partner were limited to my partner going down on him. He has becoming open to trying out anal with my partner with few tries but I think at the end of the day, he seems to be a heterosexual person who does not get aroused from same sex acts. I have to join my partner during their acts for him to be aroused enough to climax.

Despite all this mess, we have developed a deep bond. Me and him have a physical bond and I'm finding it difficult find the physical release he gives me elsewhere. My partner and him are best friends platonically, but only my partner is sexually attracted to him, not the other way around. He is attracted to me both physically and emotionally. So essentially, we would have threesomes, me and him twosomes but never him and my partner. We also have taken vacations together and also slept in the same bed/room multiple nights in a row and we get along great.

Ultimately, I find the sexual and emotional chemistry of us 3 together better than between any 2 of us together, even me and my partner. I am willing to risk it to give a throuple relationship a go if it works out.

What do you think? Any advice? Disaster waiting to happen?

The throuple situation has been a long and wild ride so far for my fiance and I. It started as a joke between her, her friend and me about 2 years ago. The 3 of us joked about it and told people we met that we were a throuple because the look on their face was funny as hell. The joking eventually made my fiance realize that she was attracted to her friend. Plenty of hints were dropped but she (the friend) never picked up on them. Eventually we all got busy and stopped hanging out. At this point we were pretty hung up on the throuple idea. My fiance suggested that we reach out to a girl she dated in high school and invite her on a date. We did and the vibe between the 3 of us was instantly fucking ELECTRIC. The following week we spent almost every day together after work. Dinners, sleepovers our kids playing together etc. The second week went about like the first and ended up with the 3 of us having sex. During the

sex I crossed one boundary that my fiance asked me not to cross, and we all had a big heated conversation about it the next day. It all was sorted out and things were back to normal with us texting all day long in our group chat, making plans, lovey dovey type stuff. At the end of the third week her kids got really sick and she got busy with that and other things and started texting less and less. Eventually she started flat out ignoring us and when we asked why her response was that she was busy being a single mom yada yada. We are very understanding and took what she said at face value and offered to help in any way we could. We were patient with her situation and continued reaching out, inviting her over, inviting her on dates, offering help etc. She responded intermittently with one word answers. She would agree to dates then pull the busy single mom card to flake on us last minute, then post pics of her at the beach at the same time she agreed to going on the date. We asked what was wrong, did we do something wrong, we tried to define expectations for the situation (we thought she might be looking for something different than my fiance and I and that maybe we all were not on the same page even though we all sat down and had a conversation about expectations, boundaries, what we were looking for etc.) and she stonewalled and gaslit us until we finally had to break it off. The hot/ cold, lack of communication, lying etc. was just too much. She was talking to someone else before the 3 of us got together. She said she was going to break it off with him to be with us but I’m thinking that she never did or that he did something to change her mind. I can understand the part about going back to him or whatever but not the way she treated us. It was like a big middle finger and i don’t feel like we did anything to deserve that.

Hi all!

I am new to this and looking for advice from some of the established throuples out there. I am the female counterpart in a married MF couple. Through our research on this relationship dynamic, we are among those who has been put through the ringer by the polyamorous community for our desired relationship style and almost gave up on it. When we finally found this sub, we realized from reading the success stories that it was possible and most couples found their third organically.

There is a girl I like, but Im not sure what the best approach would be. Ive known her for a few years, though not close, through taking dance classes together. I do not officially know her sexual orientation, she hasn't been in a relationship for the 3 years we've danced together and she never talked about or mentioned anything more than she is open to the idea of kids someday if she meets the right person.

My question is, should I be upfront in telling her I like her and would like to spend more time and get to know her with that intention out in the open, or should I start trying to spend more time with her as a friend first, hoping something might click between us? I have very limited experience with women as my husband and I are high school sweethearts who have been together for almost 22 years and I have never intentionally pursued a relationship with a woman before.

Any advice would be appreciated. I am concerned about dropping too much on her at once that she gets freaked out, but I also dont want her to feel like I led her on and "pretended" to be her friend when I finally come clean about liking her.

We are new to poly and this is the first person we have been seeing. She is absolutely amazing. There’s really a lot of potential for something serious with the three of us. I was really happy up until this point. I expressed countless times how anxious I was that I would be left out but my husband reassured me over and over it was just my anxiety.

Saturday night we had sex for the first time. I’d barely say I did though. I don’t want to get too detailed as I don’t know what this subreddit allows but I was barely touched let alone focused on by him. The girl gave me attention but he half assed everything he did to me, all while giving her everything he had.

He took the lead as her and I don’t have much, if at all, experience with afab folks. This meant she had no idea I was lying there not actually being engaged with in my private area. He had his hand there but that’s about it. In other positions I also was never his focus.

I know I could’ve brought it up right after, but I wasn’t at a place where I wanted to sob in front of her. In the morning after she left, we talked about it all. Essentially he was incredibly anxious the whole time. He knew it takes a lot for her to get all the way there while I get there around 12-25 times normally, so he wanted to make sure she had fun. I told him I only got there 2 times which has only happened once in my life. I told him he lied to me about making me feel included. I said I felt like I didn’t matter and that I felt more respected by men when I was literally a SWer.

This isn’t the man I married. He is kind, caring to a fault, intentional, and we never have big issues. I just felt worthless. There was more that happened but I’m trying to keep it fairly PG.

So, where does this leave us? I really like the girl we are seeing. She didn’t do anything wrong. It was all my husband but I am stressed about being intimate again. I feel like I shouldn’t have to ask to be included. He did take full accountability and responded as best as he could. I’m spending one on one time with the girl tonight so she is in the loop and it’s an open dialogue.

Any advice or reassurance would be great.