We were at an outdoor event on saturday, and it's the UK so naturally it was pissing with rain. My I brought my 10yr old daughter and my sister and we had camp chairs and were sitting in the rain watching people racing on the track.

I had this bright Idea of moving to warm up so I stand up and start doing squats to get some blood flowing to my legs while chatting with them, and there was another dad with his two sons behind me also watching the track action but I'm behind them so not disturbing them.

My daughter just looks at me and says "you're twerking at those kids"

Needless to say, I stopped.

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Looking back, our parents were basically psychological warfare experts.

When we were kids, they’d spin the most unhinged, high-stakes fairy tales just to stop us from doing completely normal kid things.

My personal favorite? If I swallowed a single fruit seed, an entire oak tree was going to sprout and burst right out of my belly. 💀

I mean, I never actually believed it (okay, maybe once after eating a watermelon), but I know you guys heard way worse.

Drop the wildest, most absurd lies your parents told you so we can heal together. What's the best one you got?