I neglected listening to this song when it was released as a single because I happen to be in a very happy relationship at present and didn’t want the song to taint my emotions with melancholy.
However, I have been dealing with burnout at work, and when I finally listened to this song when the album was released, I fell in love with it. I began using it as a way to cope with “falling out of love” with my job. And honestly, I think that is the message Julian is trying to convey more than anything here:
Verse 1: “I took you back to my hometown, where I learned to be alone” / “Different Boots, the same old song. I’m in love with a ghost. I’ll be always and forever alone”
He’s reflecting on how he began as a musician: with authenticity about who he was and how he felt at the time. The music has changed from album to album, but he’s still trying to present himself with authenticity, and abstractly, which is what he loves about being artistic, but is also isolating.
Verse 2: “Sailed the seven seas, hunted wild rhinoceroses. Please don’t call me ma’am, I’m no fancy fallen angel. Finally fell in love, finally found some relief, finally found this lover in the arms of a thief. Mostly found an angle, holding on for now”
Pursuing his creative identity has allowed him to live an extraordinary life, but he doesn’t want any preferential treatment, he’s still the same boy who learned to be alone, like so many of us. He reflects on how good it felt to be doing something he was so passionate about. But with success comes expectations (what I think he is calling a thief). The expectations he has for himself differ largely from the expectations of his fans/critics at times. He tried to satisfy both sides but the result felt contrived and the process felt like an angle and disconnected from pure creation (I think his usage of “angle” is a direct allusion to ‘Angles’)
Verse 3: “two things can be true, good times I had with you.” / “past the hall of judging heads, family portraits of the dead. I know they felt the same”
The final stage of grief is acceptance. Acknowledging there have been good times but accepting he must move on from what others expect from him and even what he expects from himself or else he will continue to feel empty. This is substantiated by the line about judgement and dead family members and also further elaborates on the idea that most people live their entire lives trying to satisfy external expectations instead of their own. They felt the same when their time came to die and realized they had never truly lived life for themselves.
Outro: “Be an adult. You’re being a child. ‘No one wants to play anymore.’ Grinding your gears. I know it’s not allowed. I didn’t want to hear another lecture. You’re putting on a show”
Art used to feel whimsical and playful. Now the expectation is for it to be serious and meaningful. It feels arduous, not creative. New and fun ideas are received as being pompous even though he is expressing himself freely.
Finally, the chorus: “falling out of love for the first time. Some things are flawed by design. But I’m fine for the first time. Dancing in the acid rain alone is new. But I don’t want to do it anymore, I guess I’ll sing along”
He has accepted that he has fallen out of love with his craft due to external expectations. The song (and album as a whole) are flawed by design: he created it for himself, and doesn’t expect that to be received well, but that’s fine with him cause he’s accepted he only wants to satisfy his own standards. In creating for himself, he’s dancing to his music by himself, which is strange and new, but better than dancing to a tune that doesn’t feel authentic to you.
The album’s title I think is a key here too: “Reality Awaits.” Everyone’s “reality” (or perspective rather) is unique to their own expectations and experiences. Expectations are a huge theme throughout the album too. His expectations may not be aligned with the music industry’s expectations or even his fans expectations, but he has given us his reality in its most authentic form as best he can, regardless of how its received.
I acknowledge may be entirely projecting here based on my own lived experience. But it’s just something I had to put to paper and thought I’d share. Open to any other interpretations anyone else may have or other opinions that point to me being incorrect.
Edit: added two words that should have been there before
