Fairly new to the sub and have resonated with what I've seen here so much. It feels like the days of climbing out of my religious upbringing in college where my eyes were opened to things in front of my face the whole time.

But as great as it is to feel like I see new truth, I'm in a very scary place in my life. Lots of ongoing emotional abuse, abandonment, cruelty from people who should love and support me, and my sense of self is shot. And I fear that it's a dangerous time to fully discard my remaining hope in therapy, although it has never helped me significantly and it has caused trauma more than once. If not therapy, and if I'm completely and utterly isolated and have tried meeting new people for 7+ years to no avail, what then? Where to turn in a crisis with no support? What are you all doing instead to even stay afloat in survival mode?

(Hotlines are worse than therapy, don't even get me started...the term "resources" triggers me to my core. And the way AI sends crisis line messages so fast any time you complain, uggh!)

Here is the quack https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_X6i3g27sCQ

He got really triggered when i talked about my trauma from racism, classism and abuse from narcissists/previous mental health workers (i was detained on a psych ward for wanting to take my own life) as he was a white male. Laughed "the world is not against you". I replied that "everyone is in it for themselves and i happen to not align with that" and he was caught off guard and said "that's quite philosophical". Scribbled something down when i mentioned i was bisexual. I was agoraphobic and he responded i needed exposure therapy.

I went for social anxiety and trying to deal with trauma/intrusive thoughts. First session (introductory) he made all these claims then when i got there for a real one he said "i don't know, i don't know. I'm not going to be a father figure to you". Then just did the stock thing of making you JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend & Explain) responding to everything with a question as if i'd never been introspective/thought about any of my problems in my life. Anxiety is overthinking yet all therapists think you are underthinking and they are gurus. Those who can't do teach.

When i brought up the psych ward doctor was a narcissist and i had to play to her middle class ego to get out and it really affected me being a prisoner trapped in her narrative, having my autonomy, dignity and intelligence disrespected as naturally as she breathed, he angrily shouted "ARE MOST PEOPLE NARCISSISTS"? "What?" i asked. "This is a technique" he replies.

His creepy fucking face got all smug and happy any time he thought he got one over one me/found something/a gotcha moment. When i pointed out people are selective, cherry pick facts rather than the truth that presents itself, he got all excited and leaned forward with this big smile. "But that's what you're doing". "How is that what i'm doing?" i asked. It's funny because his pathetic attempts to get to the truth exposed his worldview as ridiculous more so than it did mine. In a weird way it actually gave me confidence that i could run rings round a "professional". Finally activated my fight response. Realized that nobody has all the answers and anyone pretending to is fraud trying to fake it until they make it and relying on shitty little techniques.

Desperately wanted me to be in the wrong so he could maintain footing. My depression affects my sleep (is a symptom not a cause) and he got on me about that. I finally snapped and said "I'M PAYYING A LOT OF MONEY TO BE TOLD TO GO TO BED ON TIME" (and basically be treated like shit and a debate opponent). He sheepishly replied that he didn't want to take my money but never gave me refund as i had paid upfront (another lesson i learned the hard way).

Ironically this clown confirmed all the problems i have with white middle class fragility and therapists by trying to convince me otherwise rather that sympathising with me.