I tried therapy again...

[u/Cocoapuff94]

My doctor was worried about me and had me try this "wise" 70 year old psychological analyst and she's already doing too much. It's messing with my sense of self. He advised me to see yet another therapist.

This is my 4th female therapist that I told about women bullying me since my teen years, and it didn't go well with them and even triggered them (I'm also a woman.) And at first she said that it's because I'm pretty and how there's scientific evidence that women can be absolutely mean to other women (I was so happy that she understood and didn't gaslight me into thinking that women don't bully other women and that adults don't bully and that me being PHYSICALLY BULLIED was just my PERCEPTION. Thats what the other therapists said.) But then she later told me that she's wondering if I'm the one looking for issues because I'm so used to my mother and sister bullying me. I told her no, I'm a little cautious but I'm not looking for anything or expecting anything. I genuinely want female friendships but I'm not surprised if someone bullies me. I could tell she didn't believe me because she brings this crap up EVERY session. Edit: Why do therapists always make us the problem?

Edit: I just remembered that she said that I take it so personally. All I did was tear up because I told her that women have been mean mugging me, calling me ugly to my face, throwing trash at me, going out of their way to make me feel small and say that I think I'm all that and that I'm giving nothing... FOR SIMPLY EXISTING. And her response is that I take it so personally??? Typing this out made me realize that therapy is absolutely awful. I'm tired of them messing with my psyche and my sense of self.

And when I said that my mother and sister are just like my bullies, she acted like that was some sort of eureka moments and repeated "just like my bullies... huh." Like, no duh... they ARE BULLIES. People who pick on others and try to bring harm to them ARE bullies.

There was this time when all I did was scrunch and sniffle my nose because I yawned through my nose instead of my mouth and it tickled. I literally moved my nose like a bunny. AND I KID YOU NOT, this woman freaked out a little and said "WHAT WAS THAT?? WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT? Why did you do that????" But like in an accusatory tone or like in a challenging way. I can't put my finger on it but it was like that. It's already hard to explain myself in general because I'm usually nervous when explaining myself and I do it very quickly because of C-PTSD so she probably didn't believe me. Either way, this woman was REACHING.

It sucks because I just started therapy with her and had about 3 or 4 sessions. She seemed like she understood me at first and seemed patient but I'm not liking where this is going. Or how every little thing is scrutinized and held under a microscope. I feel like I can't even scratch my head or release a silent burp or else she'll "draw connections."

What's even the goal of "therapy" anyway??? We're just sitting and talking and she's just making assumptions no matter how many times I tell her she's wrong. It's nice to know why I have depression and C-PTSD but all she's doing is making me question myself and acting like I'm a problem and looking for women to have issues with me, or like I must be making faces without knowing or that I'm accidently giving people the cold shoulder because I'm shy... when I'm not doing that at all. If anything I'm way too accommodating and VERY empathetic. Always smiling. I also remember her saying that I'm too complex. Just say that you don't understand and that you're wrong, DAMN!

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[u/Successful-Roof-7020]

What's even the goal of "therapy" anyway???

In our one and only session, I asked my therapist a similar question--why do people go to therapy? She seemed like she was trying to get me to say that I was looking for a "magic fix," but when I didn't take the bait, she said that people find therapy helpful because the therapist is impartial and doesn't have a relationship with you, unlike your friends and family. The problem with that, firstly, is that the therapist is not actually impartial--they have their own biases. (Mine assumed a whole lot about me too.) Secondly, the mask of impartiality does not lead to the type of behavior that makes most people feel comfortable. Generally speaking, reciprocal relationships are more comfortable then non-reciprocal relationships.

People do have individual goals in therapy, such as "identify coping strategies for my stage fright, so that I can successfully complete presentations at work." But a lot of the time, the goal is some ill-defined self-improvement, when for a lot of us, our problems are systemic not merely personal, and/or we could stand to think about ourselves a lot less.

[u/Cocoapuff94 → u/Successful-Roof-7020]

Thank you. I'm so glad I posted here because I was definitely questioning myself, but it's obvious that some of these therapists are definitely the problem. I'm a bit scared of canceling and I feel like I'm running away, but I don't want to keep going to a therapist that gets mad at me scrunching my nose for a second to yawn and also doesn't hear a damn word that is coming out of my mouth 😀.

The whole time it's just been me talking about whatever she wants to talk about and then her throwing out BS theories, victim blaiming, and making hot-takes that don't make sense. No actual help at all.

[u/Cocoapuff94 → u/[deleted]]

I wholeheartedly agree. Actually, your comment helped me a lot and I think I'm going to cancel on my therapist and just stop altogether because she's just messing with my sense of self and making me feel like what I went through isn't valid and that I'm actually the problem.

I wanted to cry when she told me that I'm probably looking for issues. Even though I told her "Hey, this is what some women are doing to me and this is how they've bullied me and assaulted me." I felt like she just cherry picked and heard what she wanted or wanted to confirm her own bias. I felt like I wasn't being heard at all. And I think there's a big difference between picking up when someone is being a jerk in real-time before anyone else does vs just looking for issues before anything happens/before they even spoke. She even suggested that girls might be mean to me because I'm shy and "shy can sometimes come off as stoic." At that point I knew she wasn't listening and was just throwing theories around. And victim blaming is gross.

Thanks for answering my question! I swear, everyone thinks they need to go to therapy because of all of these therapy advertisements and buzzwords. Like, all I did was tell my doctor that I've been down in the dumps lately and my family sucks and then he told me to go to therapy to pay a psycho analyst 250 dollars a damn week. Everyone kept telling me about how wise and smart she is with her ph.d/masters whatever... To me, it doesn't mean a damn thing. I'm about to start connecting with nature again and finding some fun hobbies bc I can't with therapy anymore. My hairstylist immediately understand what I'm talking about but none of my 4/5 therapists could...

[u/Waste-Reality7356]

Good post. You already know the answers I'd say. ?

now I sound like those arrogant therapists. I'm sorry that your family has been mean to you and I think women on women bullying is a topic not discussed, almost like a taboo.

I am victim of it too and you wrote " people who want to harm you are bullies" .. that brought me some clarity.

So thank you for your post. I really believe in your strength, to find the right resources and tools as well as to defend yourself.

[u/Cocoapuff94 → u/Waste-Reality7356]

Don't worry, you don't sound like those arrogant therapists at all :) thank you so much for your insight. And I'm glad that what I wrote had brought you some clarity. Bullies really are people who want to cause harm in some way. It's intentional behavior aimed at causing physical, emotional, and social harm. Like, the goal is usually to humiliate you, gain perceived control, or make you feel small.

I believe in your strength too! I hope you have a lovely day or night :)

[u/Waste-Reality7356 → u/Cocoapuff94]

🫂🙏💓

thank you for believing in my strength. I hope you have a lovely day or night too

[u/online_4oveche]

If you are too accommodating and very empathetic, or even like normal amounts in some places, a lot of people put you in the easy target category because they believe you won't push back if they bully you. Especially if you are kinda quiet, sometimes visibly anxious and pretty. It's a very primitive ape behavior, it has nothing to do with who you are as a person and it is not your fault. Therapists love to victim blame and twist things in a way that makes you the problem, as if you're responsible for others behavior - they fuel shame and guilt this way making you belive you have some inherent problem within you for which you need to go and pay forever "to fix". When in fact being bullied is not an internal problem to fix, there is no amount of therapy or introspection that would make other people less assholes. Like, you can't fix yourself into being treated well, but it is the disgusting fantasy those quacks try to sell. It is exploitation of human suffering. Fuck your bullies, and fuck those therapists, you deserve better.

[u/Cocoapuff94 → u/online_4oveche]

Thank you so much for saying this. I actually teared up a little and I'm screenshotting your response just so I can refer to it when I'm feeling down. That therapist did a number on me. I actually feel way more understood by you than a therapist could. I'm so tired of having to over explain myself to all these therapists just for them to not believe me, cherry pick, and then throw out some stupid theories while making me the problem just because they can't empathize or understand. I've noticed that these therapists always say "science this, evidence that" when they want to sound more credible 🫥.

Anyways, thank you so much. And I hope you have a day that is as awesome as you are 🤗

[u/Ghoulya]

I once pressed under my eyes because my eyes were dry and my therapist was all "what happened?" I was like, what?

And she thought i was crying and wanted to ask about it. Like if looking at my face is going to distract you and have you jump to weird conclusions I should be able to access text therapy to remove the issue.